A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I finally broke things off with my emotionally abusive boyfriend a few weeks ago. During our short relationship (4 months but we've known each other for years), he put me through hell and also had some 'dark secrets' he told me. Well, one of those was that his last relationship was the best he ever had and he didn't think he'd find that again. (He told me this on our first date).Over the course of our relationship, he told me that this last relationship of his was kind of illegal, meaning that she was 17 yrs old. (He's 35). And then he let it slip that they were forced apart by her mother, and he was told to go away 'for now'. So apparently this girl turned 18 back in February, and I think this whole time he was waiting for a phone call from her since she would be of legal age then.It gets worse...I come to find out that this relationship of theirs was 5 years long...which would make her 12!! I never directly asked him about this, I only pieced it together in my head. When I think about it it makes me sick, and its all I could think about. I also was paranoid throughout our whole relationship that this girl would call and that he'd kick me to the curb. Apparently he was part of this girl's family, he had moved here from another state and her father was his boss, so he became one of the family and this girl was someone he knew since she was 9 or so. To me that would be like the creepy 'uncle' child molester.As for me, he treated me like total garbage. I know I'm not the easiest to get along with, but he made me feel so low about myself. I still feel that way. He would make fun of every single thing about me, and then when I would confront him about it, he'd tell me to get out of his apartment and that he didn't want to talk to me at that moment. He'd always mention how 'hot' other girls were around me, and once when we were at a carnival, he kept telling me how these 2 girls were staring at him the whole time and seemed flattered by it. They looked like they were about 14 years old.My question is, why do I still feel sad about him? For 4 months he put me through hell, I feel so ugly and gross, and I was the one that broke up with him, yet I feel like if he called me I'd talk to him, when I know in my heart I want nothing to do with him.My friends tell me that I'm feeling this way because when I broke up with him he just went away..never put up a fight. I feel like he is going to waste his life away waiting for a phone call from this 'love of his life': the teenager.He disgusts me for doing this to a young girl but I don't know how to get over feeling sad. He drives by my work every day on his way home from work, and it's so hard to not stare out the window. When I do manage to see him drive by, I get upset all over again. I feel like he is torturing me and could easily take another route home, but doesn't. Please I need advice on how to get over this. It's obvious he's over it, and I don't know what's wrong with me that I can't get over it.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (26 September 2008):
 This man did a number on your self esteem. Realize that the way to get back at him is to be strong and to realize that you are a wonderful person who deserves someone so much better than him. You broke it off...good for you. Do not think about him and this teenager, so sad. And stay away from the window when you think he's going by. He's only getting to you because you are letting him.
Take back your life.
A
male
reader, lostloveagain  +, writes (25 September 2008):
the guy was and is a real loser, and quite wierd too. You should thank your lucky stars that you're away from him so quickly. As for feeling bad about yourself, get out with your girlfriends more, imagine what you would be telling them(if it had been their boyfriend). People say hurtful things to make themselves feel better. Be brave, you will feel more positive soon. x
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A
female
reader, barbie0173 +, writes (25 September 2008):
this man sounds like you said the creepy uncle child molester!
Whats so hard to get over?no offence but just from reading what youve wrote makes me think hes sick and theres places for people like him. You probably feel shit because hes made you feel like that for the past four months, it must be hard but the best kind of revenge is getting on with your life and showing him your over him on the outside even though on the inside your not. What comes around goes around he will get his commence you mark my words.
I hope you get over this ok and one day your meet a nice normal guy whos loves you as much as you love him x
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A
female
reader, bamboogirl  +, writes (25 September 2008):
ohh it's really hard to get over a relationship, even a bad shity one... But you know you deserve better than a pedophile!, keep that in mind. You are great, and the day will come when a great guy will be with you.
It's a matter of time, try to change a little, at the time he drives by your work you should be doing something else, chatting with coworkers or having a nice coffee, cheking your mail anything. And do fun stuff, go out, have a nice time, eventually you'll stop thinking about him, except to trash talk.
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