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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I hate myself for loving my boyfriend, but I can't be without him. We've been together for 3 years, and he's been my first boyfriend and love. Generally he's great towards me, but sometimes he hurts me so much and doesn't seem to care.He always uses my past against me even though I hadn't even met him back then. But he hates it and is jealous and always compares what I did with men back then with what I do with him.Today he ruined my plans with him and my family. I'd invited them to the movies. He said he wasn't going because I never do what he says. We're in a band together and he asked me to record some voices on my PC last week. I still haven't recorded them. Today he remembered that I have to record them. I said I haven't done it yet. He said we weren't going to the movies because I'm too lazy and never do what he says. Then he compared that when I had my friend with benefits, I always did what he wanted in a snap. Like once he wanted me to print some stuff and I did it in a second and gave them to him next day. And why can't I be as efficient with him? He started using my past against me, and left me crying while I begged for him to go with me and my family to the movies but he declined.Now I'm stuck here, hurt, crying and I'm not going to the movies. I feel awful because he made me look bad with my family and because he's honestly a fucker but still I love him, and I can't seem to be away from him for long. How stupid of him to ruin everything because of a past that didn't even include him. I hate him sometimes, honestly. Because the moment I started crying he hung up on me and turned off his cell phone.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 July 2009):
 That is the eternal question. Why do people stay with someone who hurts them. What is this thing that they call love and is it really love or something more sinister.
You were asked to do something and didn't do it. Knowing that you are with a guy who would make an issue out of it. So why didn't you do it? Could be a lot of reasons but one nasty could be that you WANTED the fight to happen. One thing about bad relationships is that they contain a lot of drama, emotion, excitement.
certainly a lot more then if you were simply to dump this guy and be single. Are you with him because you love him, or because you love the idea of being in a relationship, having a boyfriend?
Mostly I think a lot of people in similar positions use love as excuse where they really are just afraid to be alone or admit they made the wrong choice etc etc.
You have a simple choice, either learn to deal with your boyfriends personality or dump him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): tell this person to get out of your life. he will be the sorry one and try to get you back. please do not take him back though.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (8 July 2009):
 I hate to say this, since you are in so much pain right now, but you did exactly what he wanted you to do: you cried. You've got to look deep inside yourself and figure out what it is that keeps you feeling like you need him.
Is it acceptance? Love? You can get both of these things from someone else.
As for your past, you probably felt closer to your friend with benefits, than you do with this guy who is a jerk to you. He sounds controlling. I don't think that he made you look back to your family and friends. I think he made himself look bad, and I think your family and friends felt sorry for you when they witnessed his behavior. Next time he tries something like this, say "Good, I didn't want to go to the movies with you anyways." Then hang up. If he wants to play games, let him play games, but show him that you are not going to tolerate this type of behavior, or let him manipulate your emotions any longer. I know, easier said than done. Hopefully, this will be a way of getting him to break up with you, since you find it hard breaking up with him.
Message me if you need moral support.
Hope this helps.
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