A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so confused at the moment. My partner and I have been in a LDR for 2 years. He is 36 years old. 8 months after we started seeing each other he was very keen for us to move in together, however I felt it was too soon and the subject was dropped. Recently, I have been feeling distant from my boyfriend on all levels mainly through lack of seeing one another. This is mainly due to him working hard to save up so that we can move in together (he recently brought the subject up again). I can't help feeling that this increasing level of work is a cover for commitment phobia. Lately, we have never spent any time alone to just be a couple. Instead, he always organises group activities or family functions. I have started to feel that I am just wheeled out for family functions. He simply doesn't seem to want to see me alone. I wondered if this was due to some sexual difficulties we have had which he reassured me we would overcome, but since these developed he hasn't wanted to get near me very much. I get the impression he isn't into me at all, but he insists he is. When we do see each other, which is very rare, we always enjoy ourselves and he treats me well so I can't understand why we only see each other in groups and why the lack of contact with me between times. When we last saw each other a week ago, I asked him if I could see him at the weekend but he said he wasn't sure he would be able to meet up. He then asked me to text him to let him know that I had got home safely and said he would text me later in the week which he didn't do. After me texting him to say I had got home o.k. I then didn't hear from him in nearly a week and then it was simply a joke text.However, my theory about his commitment phobia doesn't hold because he has lived with a partner and his relationships have all been long term whereas I haven't lived with a partner and my relationships have been shorter so I then start thinking maybe I have the commitment phobia!!!I have tried to talk to him about it all but I don't really get any answers. I am convinced something is bothering him but he insists everything is o.k. All I seem to get out of him is that he is feeling overworked right now.I haven't felt things have been entirely right since we came back off our holiday last year. I remember telling a friend that 'I feel like we have broken up but he's forgotten to tell me'. I love him very much hence my reluctance to end the relationship. I would rather work on it but I feel I am running out of options unless he is prepared to talk. How long should I give him? Has he lost interest? Can anyone untangle this mess for me?
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (8 July 2009):
 I think that he is either cheating on you, or you are going out with a very busy person. Give it three months.
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