A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm with a guy, that I find sometimes highly complex. I get confused by him.He's known as Mr Laid back non judgmental etc, yet extremely sensitive and reactive to other peoples opinions. And also casts some unfair opinions about certain people in his life. Also laid back, whats the rush about plans, yet is Mr Planner down to the finest detail when it comes to making a plan. Likes to describe himself as go with the flow, yet has a short flared temper if someone breaks a rule. When is he is with you, hes highly affectionate and always asking do you miss me, do you love me. Yet when he is apart, he talks very matter of factly. Almost distant. He will state he is a needy person.Says he likes me caring after him, i.e. healthy food habits, or encouraging exercise, yet when I ask, I feel as though I'm being overbearing and pushy. 'if I don't want to exercise I won't, or why are you policing my food' I stop advising or asking if he had breakfast or if he is going gym this week, he then gets upset that I didn't do it for one week. Complains of a repetitive illness, which I offer to find ways and will go through a nutritional diet with him to help for two weeks etc. Sounds excited, but never follows through, and continues with repetitive pain.Twice in 3 months said he doesn't feel like he can see his friends because of me, yet I always have plans that don't involve him and he is free to do what he likes. All I've done is discuss boundaries with him which we both agreed to, the rest is well is up to him. I ask where this came from we need to talk, I don't want you feeling like that, then he says he said it wrongly he didn't mean it like that, then that leaves a doubt in my head that he isn't happy because I personally wouldn't say that out of nowhere.I carry on with my exercise and eating habits and hobbies etc, and have casual takeaways with him(I'm not always healthy), I invite him to my socials when I can, which is more often than not, I say I'm easy if you join or don't and state if its important he does join specific ones.He can say some mean things about his male friends in his friendship group, but will not say anything harsh about the females in the group. Not sure if this is a problem or not, but he will idolise the females almost which can be disconcerting.Says he is ambitious, he definitely is, but stays in a job he is unhappy in and whines about it and his team everyday.I am quite organised with what I want to achieve each week, but am always going with the flow and rejigging plans where I can. Or slack one week and make up for it the next week.I'm just trying to understand why I find him confusing.There are a lot of things fun between us, and similar traits and values. So please don't read this as I', perfect and he isn't, it's more of me trying to understand him and feel like I don't have to worry and tip toe, and relax and get on with us.If you have any thoughts or questions I'd be interested to hear.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2013): Thanks for your feedback, I just seriously wonder what's wrong with me most days when I can't fathom if I'm coming or going with it lol. Appreciate the responses!!
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (14 December 2013):
 you're wondering why you find him confusing? reread your post and there you have it. he IS confusing! his actions are very back and forth. unstable, really.
i don't know what else to say, honestly. he just seems very contradictory in a lot of ways. and he seems to have no clue how he really feels about anything. some days he loves certain things you do for him, other days he hates it, etc. one minute he's really ambitious, the next he's wallowing in his misory in a dead end job. he's mr. walking contradictory.
you aren't crazy lol.
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A
female
reader, suteishii +, writes (14 December 2013):
In the first instance, I absolutely agree that you need to have a conversation with him about these things, as he's the only one who can really answer.
However, and please bare in mind that I'm not a medical professional, it seems to be he's somebody who might have a touch of anxiety. Anxiety can come about easily in people with reoccurring conditions and might explain behaviour like being more critical of men (he may be concerned he doesn't measure up). People with anxiety tend to need more rigorous structure as well.
I would recommend looking into it as it may help you understand some of his stranger needs. At the end of the day though, you shouldn't do anything that you're not comfortable with, don't get too absorbed in his needs that yours aren't met.
I hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013): I'm not sure if it is possible to put someone in a box.
Why don't you ask him about the inconsistencies?
Not in a confrontational way but in an 'I want to get to know you kind of way'
Eating well, gyming, meeting up with his friends - those are his responsibilities. You're not his mother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013):
He sounds like hard work to me, but when you love someone it doesn't sometimes seem that bad .. He's like a constant yo-yo one way with you then another when he's not .. That's why your confused there diffirent rules for diffirent situations, which of course is normal but when you follow these rules example : he whinges when you ask has he eaten etc, so you stop asking . He doesn't say to you in text he waits until your together then makes a deal lol I would find that so mental haha
I think the honest way forward is to talk to him about these things he can't expect you to be a claryviont and read his mind if he keeps changing the rules ..
I hope this helps ..
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