A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for a couple months now. It was going really well for about a month and half. We both wanted to see each other all of the time. The problem is that my girlfriend is still acting the same way but I feel a little different. I find myself wanting to be alone more than I want to be with her. We had some trouble as friends (and me trying to make us more than friends) before we started dating. I was mad at her, but forgave her after she finally came back and apologized. This is my first relationship and I don't know if the way I am feeling is just me being a typical guy, or if actually a sign that I am not happy and should break it off. Could it be a sign that I still resent her a little after what she did before? (It was a lot of drama so I won't get into the details) My friend told me felt the exact same way in his relationships, but it is really bugging me. I have half-considered ending it, but I would feel bad, because she really likes me and is going through a hard time in her life. Due to my inexperience I literally just don't know what I am feeling, or if it will pass. Is this normal? Or is it just not working out? Any help or previous experiences would be appreciated. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): Well done for putting all this thought into your relationship, and that it was going really well.
It sounds like the "honeymoon" phase has passed, and now the time for "real work" has arrived. i.e. she wants to be together all the time, whereas you want some alone time too. Therefore there needs to be a balance.
The drama at the beginning you said you forgave, so if that is really behind you, should be forgotten. If there is still residual feelings, or resentment, then it may need more time. Did you talk about it all in the beginning? Is it over? Is it something you can truly forgive and forget? If so, work on putting it behind you.
If you have considered ending it, and haven't because she would feel bad, that is not a good enough reason to stay. You would be staying out of guilt and other feelings, not because you really want to be with her. There is a difference. Timing is also an issue, but again, not a reason to stay in a relationship. If she is going through a hard time, you can still support her, as a best friend. However, if it will compound things, then if her hard time is temporary, wait for better timing, consider how you really feel, and then either move forward completely, or end it.
In terms of the balance required for it to be a healthy relationship - she may be wanting to see you all the time because of the difficult time she is experiencing, but no one person can provide all our needs. She needs to also spend time with family, friends, and on her personal interests and hobbies, as do you. So pick days that suit you both, when you will be together, and when you can be free to pursue your interests. I'm sure if you have that freedom, you will be happier and more eager to then return to her, and do couple things again.
I hope this helps!
Best Wishes
xxxx E
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