A
female
age
30-35,
*..lb...
writes:Hello there!!Well basically I'm a 22 year old girl who only had like 2 very short and non serious relationships in her past, and therefore as one would assume my confidence level and self esteem is way way low. Soo..in order to try and help myself I've decided to register myself to a dating site and well a few guys did come along but they were not 'my type' (which in reality I myself don't know what really is my type but you know all of us hate those stalkish creepy guys).Anyways!! Well there's this guy however who seemed very nice and is now my friend on facebook and has been speaking to me kinda on and off every two days and guess what he freakin asked me out!!!!! (omg!!!). Well I managed to calm myself and not push him away as I always do with others and said yeah that would be great! The date though hasn't happened yet partly because I'm quite a busy girl, but I can help myself from thinking about him! I mean constantly!!! I keep checking when he's online and if he's online and doesn't speak to me baamm disaster in my head! So this is my question...why do I obsess over guys so easily?It happens all the time! A guy says hi and i'm like omg he wants to marry me!!! (ok not so much but you get the idea) please do lighten me up with this one as it's tiring and not healthy at all ??
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confidence, facebook, her past, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2015): The problem is that your expectation of him is way too high.You need to get to know the real person long before you start developing feelings.Someone from a dating site could be any kind of person but they try to present themselves in a ridiculously favourable light.It isnt worth being obssessed about a guy because you miss vital clues about their true feelings because you have already slotted them into your head as someone they often are not.Being infatuated is a form of torture because you use your hormones to torment yourself into thinking that someone has feelings for you that they dont or motives towards you that are generally honorable when they are not.I would suggest you slow it all down and think of the odd scenario when the guy is anything but perfect or attractive,just to balance the scales a bit and to keep things in perspective and to keep your senses alert.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2015):
Dear person,
You already said it yourself, your self-esteem is way way low. There is no need to obsess over guys, guys should be obsessing over you. end of story.
From girl
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A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (9 October 2015):
Wow, I literally have no answers for you, because I was the same as you for a very very long time! The only thing that seemed to make a difference to me was getting into a steady relationship.I guess this might be the case with you for a while, but then things should settle down on their own later on.If you get thoughts that seem that you might be jumping the gun way too early, then just distract yourself with a book, or a movie, or some work. I never used my own advice earlier though, I would spend hours listening to my favourite music and keep imagining future happy scenarios in my head. None of which materialised, and I got my heart broken a few times. :) Like I said earlier, the only thing that made a difference was actually getting into a steady relationship. That brought a huge amount of emotional stability in my life.All the best!
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