A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 23 year old male that finally found the person that ive always been looking for but for some reason i always feel as if she doesn't love me when i know she really does. she is really independent and self confident and i admire her sooooo much but i have trust issues when i know she is being faithful. I dont know how to fix the way i feel and i dont know how to be myself because i am afraid that she will look down on me. I am a very romantic guy that loves to please her, which i try all the time but i'm just smothering her, i am afraid that if i dont change i am going to lose her but i dont know how to get back to that point where we first started. i dont know what i like to do anymore because i want her to do hobbies with me. Why do I overwhelm myself with thoughts if her? I can't get her out of my mind. I fell really hard for her and at the same time i lost myself. I always wanted that fairy tale love and i try really hard to get that but it feels like she runs from my love which leaves me always needing reassurance from her and it leads us to a fight and i always get my feelings hurt. Why am i so soft towards her, why do i let the love i feel for her take over my life. I dont know what I'd do if i ever lost her, I have changed my whole life because i thought that is what she wanted, i have molded myself to what i thought she likes and wanted but it has gotten me nowhere. I go to work and hold my phone in my hand just waiting for it to ring hoping it is her and when it does ring and its not her i get depressed. I have asked her to help me with these issues but she gets annoyed and calls me a baby which just sends me in a downfall of rejection. please i need somebody's help i dont want to lose her, she means the world to me
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): thank u for ur input i appreciate it i am struggleing with this and i feel really foolish coming to this site because i am usually good at dealing with this stuff and the reason i cant figure this out is because i am still head over heals for her after a year and i love knowing i have feelings like this I am really in love this time i just kno it it hurts so bad to be in love sometimes. but it is so conforting at the same time. Shes the only person i trust which leads me nobody to talk to openly about this but she ignores me and stops talking to me which kills me. Y does love have so many feelings involved y do i have to think so much into our relationship that i drive myself crazy i hate it i wish the way i do what i do would change without all the heartbreak.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): I couldn't agree more with the anonymous reader below. Be sure that it's a matter of time when she will be bored by all this love-showering of yours. She has no challenge, she will soon take you for granted, you will loose her respect and she will start treading you like you are her pet. Above all be a man, honor your balls! Love your woman, respect her but not at a cost of your own self, individualism and personality. Remember, if don't respect yourself, neither will she. Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): I've been in your girlfriend's shoes before. I dated a guy for about a year and a half who more or less devoted his life to make me happy. He would write me notes and give me flowers for no reason, he was always planning romantic dates, he gave me a generous amount of attention, etc.
Most girls dream about finding the kind of guy who will do those things for her all the time. Then she finds one and she realizes that it's not all it's cracked up to be. As nice as it sounds to have someone shower you with love all the time, it can actually be quite suffocating. Eventually, all the things you do start to become routine and they lose their special meaning. I know that after a while, I started taking my boyfriend for granted and eventually I lost interest in the relationship.
On the other hand, I know how you feel because I am insecure in my current relationship. So, I've been on both sides of this and here's the best advice I can give you:
You have a life and you have to live it. Find things YOU love to do, and do them on your own. Hang out with your friends or start a new project. Not only will it help distract you from your constant thoughts of your girlfriend, but it will also help you fill more fulfilled and will actually add to your relationship in the long run.
In order for a relationship to be successful, both people need to remain individuals within a couple. It helps keep things interesting.
I know it can be scary to take a step back because you're afraid you might lost what you have. But it's actually your best bet at keeping her.
Hope this helps!
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