A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm so in love with him; we've been together for two years and our romance is great, our sex isn't. I've never climaxed with any partner and I'm afraid I know why, I think I like the darker side of sex, though I've never tried it. The guy I'm with, he is so vanilla. I can't get him to try anything. I'm scared and ashamed to think I may like "dirty" things, and I don't even know how to bring it up with him. Society tells me to be ashamed and I just want sex. Why do I like the idea of degrading sexual acts? And how could I possibly encourage Mr. Vanilla to participate in them? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (25 July 2013):
 You may want to be more specific with regard to the degrading acts in question. There are lines that can be blurred over time and lines that most men would not cross, vanilla or not.
WiseOwl's suggestion is very good though, try roleplaying and break him into it gently if you can.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2013): "Mr. Vanilla" as you call him, may not be into "degrading" women in anyway.
If you are looking for a specific type of sex-partner into unconventional sex; you won't find that under the usual profile. He is probably looking for the conventional relationship with conventional sex, and you obviously place sex at the top of your list of priorities.
You're not looking for a romantic relationship, you are looking for a hookup. Try searching websites and ads geared to this particular type of interest. Don't expect the average "joe" to be into fetishes and kinky sex.
As far as why you like to be degraded in anyway? That might take a few hours on a couch with a therapist; or with someone into the S&M scene. You could check personals that offer you dates with these types. I don't recommend it, if its just a curiosity or a fantasy.
It's dark, sleazy, and dangerous territory. Be forewarned about that kind of stuff. It's one thing to have it in your head, it's another to participate. "Kinky" and "degrading" aren't necessarily the same thing. The terms may encompass
a few similar sexual acts. Degradation is extreme, and potentially harmful psychologically; as well as physically.
You could run into some very sick people.
I don't recommend suggesting such an interest to someone you've labeled to be "Mr. Vanilla." Somehow he earned that description; and would most likely want to stay that way.
Try a little role-playing, and just add a few special requests as you go. Don't be surprised if he may stop taking your calls and discontinue contact.
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