A
male
age
36-40,
*enjmain86
writes:Okay, i seem to have found myself in a bit of a circling depression with my relationships nowdays.I saw a girl from my work who was adorable cute and generally want i wanted for a girl. the relationship went on for 3 months and in that time, she cheated on me, made it into an open relationship, got pregnant with someone else's child (it isnt very clear if it was real or not, yes i know thats hard to fake but bare with me, the fact she did it was to keep me around). i tried to break things off and just go back to something normal. she then half tried to kill herself (it wasnt even nearly the required dose of pills and alcohol, again i i think it was to keep me around).After all that, im a pretty decent bloke mi forgave her for alot of stuff, counciled her where i could and was a really good man / person / friend to her.Background information is shes 5 years younger than me, im 23 she was 18, thou she wasn't as immature as most of her comrads, she lives with her grand ma spends no time with her mother and her father isn't around.Thats about all the information i can give you about the history.Now for the question. since then iv been seeing someone, but it isn't exclusive we Are just friends, and iv been working on finding someone that i can really care about again. but i always seem to get distracted by my Ex and want her to come round for a cuddle and a kiss, harmless intimacy, with this she seems to shrug me off and generally not bother with the contact which sends me crazy, she needed me so much before to go make up wild reasons to keep me around and has done So much to me that now she simply seems to have just.. forgotten about me? i recently quit my job where we worked together cause simply we started having friction and generally the workplace wasn't fun to be in anymore, more reasons than just her. My question is, why do i keep wanting this intimacy with her and why am i not able to break away from it, i seem to keep going back even if its a small chat and then annoying myself..This new girl im seeing i don't Feel like i want to wrap my arms around her yet i do with my Ex, am i still clinging to the past?Why can i not function normally while my ex is just around the corner so to speak.
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cheated on me, immature, my ex, workplace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, peggypoo  +, writes (25 July 2010):
my pleasure benjamin, keep up the good work.
peggypoo
A
male
reader, Benjmain86 +, writes (25 July 2010):
Benjmain86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, im doing great now! these words of wisdom have helped, but i do wanna clear up how exactly i wanted her, it wasn't more so that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her (thats a bit crazy after what shes done to me) but i did want to see her every now and then, find a piece of that happiness that towards the end was a good cuddle. I wasn't able to get on with developing new relationships while i constantly thought of her.So yes, after about a week of deleting her off my facebook (sounds childish but really i spend so much time on there to have her presence aswell, detrimental) i have been able to stop thinking about her as much, i still do a bit, but its been a good week without being at my old job with her, or having to worry about big and small things seeing her on facebok. unfortunately, shes a girl that doesn't know what it is not to play games.All in all its been great to be able to share on this site my frustrations and get a fresh perspective on the issues, thanks for the help Anon, your a good soul.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): Believe me its hard at first. Youre going to feel like you made the biggest mistake in the world by deleting her on facebook. so dont think youre crazy. its perfectly normal. what i suggest you do when you feel like that is think about my first message. Imagine what it would be like to be married to a girl who obviously has psychotic issues. Being afraid to voice your opinion on something because she might take it personal and go right to the pill and booze cabinet. Or maybe she might wanna do harm to you one day after an argument and attempt to stick you with a pair of scissors. Then when you realize what you could be getting yourself into, talk to yourself and give yourself a compliment for taking her out of your facebook. Its gonna take repetitous episodes of this so dont give up if you think about her after one try. Its good therapy. Keep doing it until it gets boring and unnecessary. You dont need someone like her in your life. You sound like a good man but obviously she isnt worthy of you if she cheated behind your back and even got pregnant by the dude. Its gonna get sloppy not only with her but with the babys father. What if he doesnt want her to be with a recent boyfriend as long as shes the mother of his kid? Now you gotta deal with someone who wants to kick your behind? See how it only gets worse? Now after reading all this, you should be able to look at that facebook page and say "thank god i cut her off" and give yourself a pat on your back.
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A
male
reader, Benjmain86 +, writes (21 July 2010):
Benjmain86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell.. its so easy to hear its wrong but i cant shake it, i recently removed her from facebook simply because seeing her name in chat starts me thinking again, how do i break this infatuation short of finding someone else? i hate longing for a small piece of her again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): You already answered your question in the beginning. You said she was cute and adorable and wanted her for your girl. Thats infatuation. Dont get that confused with love. I know that feeling. She probably has beautiful eyes, sweet smile, and looks cute in everything she does. I get it. But look at what youre telling us. In three months she cheated on you and got pregnant by another dude and tried killing herself. You have to ask yourself if this is what you want to spend the rest of your life with. That every time you and her get into an argument you have to check the medicine cabinets for lethal pills and kitchen utensils for steak knives.
I think the answer to that question is simple.
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