A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the past few weeks I've noticed myself having sexual feelings towards my father-in-law, I don't know why, but I do have these feelings. I hate myself sometimes for having these feelings. I'm not sexually attracted to any other men apart from him so why am I having these feelings?? My wife seemed to have noticed something was up in the bedroom because we've had sex fairly infrequently - I just lied to her about the fact it was something at work stressing me out. In an attempt to rectify the situation, I promised my wife I'd try and make things better for her, but it hasn't worked - I just can't get these sexual feelings for my father-in-law out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I tried having sex with her a few times, but couldn't get the feelings or the image of my father-in-law out of my head... having sex made it worse. I feel sick towards myself when I think about it and can't cope... please help me. I don't know what to do or where to go next... I feel if I tried counselling, it probably wouldn't work. I need advice and fast... these problems are causing my mind to ache with worry. Matt(Note: I posted this on another site as well, if only to see if I could get more feedback.)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): He has tried to reciprocate, yes, but I've always stopped myself, thinking it's wrong.
I just can't stop these feelings... it makes me feel ill talking about it here, but I realize I have to deal with it.
Matt
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 I haven't a clue why you've got this attraction to your father-in-law. Perhaps he reminds you on some subconscious level of your wife? She is after all his daughter. Maybe his persona is somehow appealing to you? Is he showing any reciprocity in this?
Well, honestly, I don't know what to advise you, other than to tell you that I think counseling might be your best option right now. I expect that you're resisting it because you don't really want to open that Pandora's box, but I think your strategy isn't working right now.
Maybe there's a part of you that is more bi-sexual than you would like to admit, and by focusing on him as the object of your attraction, you are in a way eliminating the possibility of acting on it. The Kinsey scale suggests that people are on a continuum of sexual attraction, not at one end or the other. Perhaps you're a bit closer to the middle than you thought?
You might do some research on the Kinsey scale and have a good long think about your own place on it. And also consider the possibility that it's the part of him that reminds him of your wife that you're attracted to. You're having trouble in bed with your wife because you're a bit freaked out by this. You need to confront it in a therapeutic environment so that you have some guidance working through all the issues that it has brought up.
Good luck.
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