A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My girlfriend's 17, and we get along really well. We've only been dating for about a month, and everything's happy fields of candy dandilions, etc. A small sticking point for me though, is the fact that she's not a virgin. I don't know why this bothers me, I expect girls to have other boyfriends before me, and to have sex with them is normal... I don't know. I just finding myself getting... I don't really know how I feel. Anyways, any suggestions on how to get over it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009):
This is a variation on the "I have a problem with my partner's sexual past" issues. It's actually very normal for you to feel this way. Especially as a male. But right now the whole culture is still in denial about how normal and non-psycho it is.
Some people totally get it. And others totally do not.
IMO it's only worth listening to advice/support from the people who do get it. The others are usually well-intentioned with what they say, but it's not helpful because they completely misunderstand the emotions.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): most women you meet won't be virgins -really it is no big thing. Grow up and if you fancy her don't worry about it.
Hugs Star.x.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 February 2009):
Deep down, all men are still stuck in the Victorian times when it comes to girls and sex.
This is why, in 2009, if you have a sex with a guy on the first date then you KNOW they won't call you back.
They either label you as a slut to be used for one thing, or an angel to fall in love with and take home to mum.
You KNOW that the fact she is not a virgin means NOTHING, so suck it up and deal with it. You aren't exactly planning to marry her before you have sex so why should you expect her to have waited for you to come along?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (28 February 2009):
 Dump her and go find a virgin or someone who just says that they are is one solution, but well probably not the best solution.
You need to step back and realize that the past is the past. I mean does she expect for you to be a virgin? I'm sure she is thinking the same thing. This is the problem when we have sex before marriage. You have these issues, but you just need to realize that everyone in her past is in her past and she is with you now. If she really wanted to be with someone in her past, she'd be with them but she's not.
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