A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do I feel like I must always have a girlfriend?Meaning, I don't really feel like myself without one. My gf just broke up with me a few hours ago, over a stupid overblown argument. I don't exactly care that we're broken up. I feel more relieved really. She was annoying, very uninteresting, we didn't communicate well, we didn't really have common interests, there was no real fun or excitement in our relationship, and she used me a lot. You'd think I'd break up with a chick if I felt that way about her, but I never would because without a gf (even a crappy one) I just don't feel right. Why can't I just be happy being single? We broke up about 6 hours ago, and all I can think about is finding another girl. I've felt this same way many times before. I hoping if I can figure out why I always feel this way when I'm single so that I might be able to kerb the desire. I really want to concentrate on uni and my music this year so not having a gf would be fantastic for me. Anyways, any advice or opinions would be much appreciated. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): In a way the fact that you have come to this site to seek a bit of insight into your thoughts is a starting point and the beginning of something new now for you to think about!
Most of us feel something is completed in us when we have a partner. It is showing others in our eyes that we are wanted and worthy of someone who chooses to be with us. However, it is not a constructive way for us to view our worth to ourselves. If you are always needing someone else to make you feel good about yourself then this becomes a fragile self worth which can easily be swept away by things like 'break-ups'.
Instead of now focusing on replacing this girl, start focusing on yourself, what you have to offer, your dreams and ambitions, how good a friend you are and if you have ever let anyone down. Focus on improving the man you are now before you are responsible for someone elses life and happiness. At your age and perhaps stage in life it is an opportunity to mature and become the person you wish to be remembered by. Concentrate on your studies, throw yourself thoughtfully into your music, use that emotion to be a decent guy and not a user. Consider all of the faults in yourself and focus on those to improve your self worth, because your kidding yourself if you only can function when attached, that's a bit weak, you can find other ways to make you feel content. When you are ready to contribute to a sensible relationship you will be a much better catch! Good luck
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (18 January 2008):
 Well... although we all were born alone, it is very difficult sometimes to be alone. If you find yourself spending time with a g/f just because you don't want to feel alone (because if you didn't have fun or talk much, you were basically alone), then you should try to meditate and think what is it about being alone that scares you?
What is it, if something, about yourself that you don't like? You can also try to be alone just to find out these things. Make plans to be alone at dinner or to go to a movie alone and don't bring magazines or music. Just you and your thoughts. Observe people, study your feelings and thoughts. Have some time just for yourself and learn to enjoy that time. In time, you will learn why is it you don't like being alone and hopefully you will also learn what a wonderful person you are and that you should not just be with someone... this someone should be as special as you.
Good luck!
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