A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey all, this is probably kind of a stupid situation, but I just found out a girl I went to high school with and was friends with is on the cover of the new Playboy lingerie magazine. Ever since I found this out (it was just yesterday) I have felt so shitty about myself and pretty empty and I don't understand why. We used to sit together at lunch and were pretty good friends, but we lost contact after I graduated except for through myspace.Well ever since I found out she is in this magazine I have felt like crap for some reason. I am in my third year of college but when I saw the cover I felt like she has it made, she is 2 years younger than me and a freshman in college but she's making money just by having someone dress her up and put loads of make up on her. She had a boob job and it looks like liposuction on her tummy cause I've seen the scar and she's also had a nose job. Despite all this I still consider myself to be more attractive than her, but I've always had a low self esteem for a reason I can't really put my finger on. I can't really describe how I feel, I know many people consider me to be very attractive and I've been told by many guys I have a perfect body, but when I look in the mirror all I see are imperfections. Ever since I found out about my friend I just feel so strange and even worse.I feel like I'm not good enough, I feel jealous of her, and I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing with my life because if I really wanted I could be on the front page too and making money instead of being broke, but I feel like my body is worth more than that. Why am I envious of her if I completely disagree with the way she is exploiting her body? She doesn't even look happy in the pictures when she smiles, her eyes look dead, and she doesn't even look the same anymore, but regardless I'm STILL jealous of her and I don't get why. She is a very nice person and I feel terrible that I'm jealous of her but I also have lost all respect for her. The fact that she is so nice also makes me feel worse because I know guys will look at her and want her, but I can't even console myself by saying "Hey, at least she's a bitch" or something like that. I look at her and see the perfect girl and I am thinking that maybe my boyfriend wishes he was with her instead because he was always extremely nice to her in high school, nicer than he is to me. I don't understand why I feel this way and why I'm dwelling on this. Could you guys give me some input, what should I do about my feelings? Why am I dwelling on something that has absolutely nothing to do with me? Why do I even care? It's so annoying and I feel so petty, but I can't help it and I feel very immature. Is it natural to feel this way?
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immature, jealous, money, myspace, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sisyphus  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 I can understand only too well what you're feeling. About a year ago I moved in with a guy I had known on and off for about three years (we had mutual friends in common but didn't know each other very well). The truth is, my housemate is a slut. His bedroom door was like a rotating turnstyle (so was he at times) and I was very jealous. As a result I started to go down the same path as him. Wow, that was a mistake. I thought I was missing out, that life was so much more fun and enjoyable for him and if I copied him I too would have a more enjoyable and fun life. If you're anything like me you feel jealous because you're missing out on what you perceive your friend to be getting. How about you concentrate on what you do have? A boyfriend, successful studies, a good body, I'm sure you can add to this list. ;o) When you do you'll probably end up feeling as sorry for your girlfriend as I do for my housemate because we realize that THEY are the ones who are missing out, which is why they do the things that they do. As for your boyfriend looking at her pictures, he's probably going to have a laugh. I know I did when I saw my Ex's sister in one of those magazines.
A
male
reader, Passthrough +, writes (15 January 2009):
 Think of it from my point of view: My MOM was a playboy model. I've seen the pictures (bikinis, I dared not inquire more, and I didnt even want to see those).
You can just imagine what her family might think- Selling your beauty is one thing, but selling beauty you dont have is selling what little self-respect one might have.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (15 January 2009):
 Your welcome! Don't worry about your BF if he looks at that stuff. If he's got a hot GF like you, he wont really need to. Though somtimes guys look just because its a blokey (boyish) thing to do. Anyway, if he found her in there it would be more of a gag (laugh) with his mates if anything. Don't worry about it the damage has already been done for her - it will bite her on the arse one day.
Cheers :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the first poster, that was the whole reason I posed this question. I am aware that I may have something deeper going on here as I am a psychology major and that was why I came here first, to see whether others thought this was something I should seek help for. I have actually self diagnosed myself with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (which is obviously an unreliable diagnosis because you're not supposed to ever self-diagnose, but I know myself well) and this is why I understand that I am actually very attractive to other people but when I look in the mirror I do not see this, except maybe occasionally.
Maybe you didn't read my question carefully, because I was asking why I am jealous if I don't even approve of what she is doing.
And to the second poster, thank you :) I never thought of things the way you have, and thank you for the reassurance. I was thinking about it more earlier and realized the reason it may be bothering me is because it kind of ticks me off if I know my boyfriend looks at that sort of stuff, but I always comfort myself by saying it's normal and at least he doesn't know those girls, but he may see this and he knows her and that changes everything. I suppose this is something I should talk to him about.
I've also decided to go into counseling, as my low self esteem is really starting to effect me in tons of negative ways. But thank you again, Griffo!!
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (14 January 2009):
I'll tell you a tip. If you ever want to be a "real" model you'll never ever go in such a magazine. It's dispised in the fashion industry very much to go in those sorts - Because when your a "real" model the big brands use/employ you for a shoot they will check and see if your in any porn or porn related magazine, if you are they will be very pissed and most likley fire your arse. Plus those shoots are one off and probably not paid! Because the girl is lead to believe it will help her modeling career and she gets status! WRONG it does the quite the opposite and ruines it.
The effect it had on you will go away, hell you've proably lost it by now. I'm sorry to say to your friend but she might end up having a career in porn more than being a "real" model.
Dont worry mate, thats not quite real success! Your already way ahead and on your way ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): You say you have low confidence yet you say your more attractive than her? sorry but your post makes no sense. You don't wish to be on a mad lags cover yet your jealous your old friend is? Yes I say you got some deep issues going on here, I believe your making a problem out of nothing.
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