A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:well the thing is my boyfriend is wonderful in every way and ive just moved across country to be with him, my concern is when i try to get intimate with him it all seems very forced and awkward, ive also hinted that i need to be kissed a couple of times but he says " ok if i have to" in my opinion if he wanted me he would want to kiss me right? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sasparella +, writes (4 March 2007):
Hey there, I may be wrong here but i think that you may be heading for trouble. last week I ended an eighteen month relationship with my partner due to the fact that intamacy beyond a peck on the lips and the odd hug (not cuddles) just did not occur without my instigation. Belive me when I say that I tried EVERYTHING in order to rectify this sitution and NOTHING changed. (I even wrote to this site for advice) like you, our relationship seemed perfect in every way but our intimate/sex life was dire, it was like this from day one,the first time we slept together I sensed that he wasnt enjoyin it. My partner always insisted that there was nothing wrong and came up with excuses whenever I brought it up, for example: he didnt like condoms - i went on the pill, he was tired - made no difference when it was the weekend, we were on holiday or we had the day off work, he felt pressured - I backed off,remained loving but made no mention of sex-he didnt touch me for 8 weeks till i screamed that I was frustrated but the next two excuses were classic, i was too noisy during sex- i zipped it, i was too hairy down there - I got a Brazillian as a surprise! thing was by the time he got round to touching me down there it had all grown back. What im trying to say is, this may be your lot FOREVER. I dealt with it for eighteen months and my self esteem hit an all time low (you will begin to blame yourself).Sex was always something that I considered a bonus in a relationship but a necessary bonus at that, he made me feel guilty for wanting it just occasionaly. After much, deep, deep thought i realised that I could not not stay in a relationship that lacked passion and made me feel unattractive and insecure. I would rather be single and not get any than in a relationship and not getting any so I made my decision and ended it and Im sure I saw relief in his eyes. I may be wrong and your situation may be different but your heart will tell you if you are just wasting your time trying to insipre the chemistry, if it aint there now it aint gonna come(and neither are you by the sounds of it - sorry I couldnt resist that one.)Please dont think that because you have moved cross country that you have to accept the situation, it sounds harsh but you can always move back.As for me, i feel as if I have a new lease of life. Good Luck.xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): As a guy i would find it difficult to kiss a girl who wants me to do so just because everyone else does. And the worst of it would be she being judgemental about the entire thing. I would prefer a girl who is quite relaxed in my company and is not forceful about getting anything physical unless i am ready. Some guys also do think deeper when it comes to SEX and Intimacy, though it is pretty uncommon.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): "You've just moved accross country to be with him". This signifies a new commitment and a new level to your relationship....his avoiding kissing you, may be a sign that he is struggling with a bit of apprehension about the long term potential of your relationship....just give him some space and don't push things sexually or otherwise with him right now, steady wins the race....
I think it would be wise to maintain your own place unless the two of you are close to a wedding date....this will put your relationship on an even equal to equal status, if you move into his place it is still his space and a whole lot of other issues come into play.....which I won't go into here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): Well, sweetie...I know how you feel. My hubby and I got married in November and I have to force him to kiss me. He even said "I DON'T LIKE TO KISS YOU". I am still trying to figure out why. I feel lki he is not attracted to me. I guess I could use some advice as well.
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