A
female
age
41-50,
*azzie1
writes:Why do I feel like crap just finish breaking up with my man who has an anger problem and also wants me to accept him doing illegal stuff as long as I don't know about it. Mind you I'm a single mother working and going to school at night to get a side gig..and all he's doing is collecting worker's comp benefits. He has also been abusive to me in the past but thank god my kids never witnessed any of that (they're 14 and 8 but not from him). I know he loves me cuz he shows me in every way but I need to know should I have accepted him doing illegal stuff as long as he doesn't do it with me or should I just forget about him and move on? I'm so scared because I think the reason I have put up with so much is because he has made me believe that all these guys out there want one thing..I think that this might be the best thing that I could have done cuz he was about to move back in after I kicked him out in September of last year for trying to choke me..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): He is abusive, violent and would set a bad example to your children. It's hard to break up with someone you have feelings for, but as you know it takes more than love to make a successful relationship. You are someone who is working hard to make an honest living and in my opinion you don't need someone like him and could do much better. I think you have made the right decision breaking up, and it will get easier as time goes by.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): honey move on... if you love your kids don't be selfish see them first. he's talking about all the guys need out there is one thing this is to make you believe in him and to make you scared. well not all men are the same. true a lot of men are looking for one thing including him. in top of it he's abusive. You don't need him..move on
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 June 2009):
 "I know he loves me cuz he shows me in every way"
In what way?
Oh, I see. True love is shown by being choked. Must have been in the directors cut of "When Harry met Sally".
What to you is best friends for ever? Severe beating?
Tell me, how do you show your love to your kids? Whipping? The occosianal garroting?
Can you see how silly your claim of him loving you is.
You are finding excuses and ignoring the obvious. Why? Probably you are afraid to be alone. Better to be choked on occasion then be single. Who cares about the rolemodel you are setting for your kids (yeah, right, they don't know what is going on) or that one day his anger may be vented on them. Or that his activities might cause legal trouble for you and your kids.
You feel bad because you are unwilling to accept the truth about him and yourself. Admitting he is an abuser means admitting you fell for all his lies.
Start by accepting that what he feels for you ain't love.
"I know he loves me cuz he shows me in every way" as long as you believe this crap, you are his toy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): You should not forget about him in my opinion, but you should move on. These type of people need help, not isolation.
You should try to do something about his illegal activities, even if that means involving the law. Otherwise, what's to stop him?
No of course you should not have accepted it. You have kids to raise and they deserve the best influence.
And i'm sure you feel like crap because you know that underkneath all the bad things he did, he did have his ways of caring for you, and since you ahve a big and forgiving heart, you remember that and it gets to you.
Best of luck. I'm sorry to hear about this happening.
~SY.
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