A
female
age
26-29,
*assyElegancexoxo
writes:I continue to have drama in my life with friends. No matter what I do, drama follows. Nothing seems to work. I still end up losing friends. I partly think it's because I expect so much from them. Whenever I have a friend, I expect them to treat me how I would treat them. I know I'm a good friend, very loyal, and would do anything for a friend. People tell me that! It's just when I see someone not willing to do the same, I immediately drop them from my life. If they backstab me once, they get dropped. Lie to my face once, they get dropped. Etc.I drop easily just because I don't want them to have the chance to hurt me again. I'm a senior in high school getting ready to go to college in a few months and I do not want to deal with broken friendships. How can I be better, what should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, SassyElegancexoxo +, writes (30 May 2015):
SassyElegancexoxo is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your advice everyone!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2015):
 I agree with CodeWarrior.
There ARE different types of friends. What you WANT is BEST FRIENDS, the people you can rely on, trust in and confide in, but what you HAVE are acquaintances or fair weather friends. People you can hang around, have fun with, talk to, occasionally do things with. But they are NOT the kind you confide your problems to or the ones who will hold your hair while you puke your guts out.
BFF's are not a dime a dozen, acquaintances are. They are actually rare. And they CAN start out as an acquaintance and develop OVER years into a TRUSTED friend. It's not something instant.
Treating a acquaintance like a FRIEND doesn't mean they will become one. And your expectations might just be a bit too high for these people. You want them to follow your OWN code for friendship, but NOT everyone follow that code.
Doesn't mean if an acquaintance doesn't "evolve" into a FRIEND/Best Friend that you HAVE to cut them off, that will leave you with loads of people who feel YOU used them. They are not mind readers and DO NOT know you have these lofty expectations of them.
RELAX. Get to know people, don't POUR yourself and YOUR ideals into EVERY new person you met.
I had loads of friends (or rather acquaintances) in college but only 5 really GOOD friends. Two of which were acquaintances for a LONG time before we "bonded" as friends. That was 25+ years ago and out of those 5 - I'm STILL in contact with 4. And I have cultivated 2 (yep ONLY 2) friends in the last 19 years.
GOOD friends are RARE. Acquaintances are everywhere. Having BOTH types in your life can enrich you.
It's the TRULY negative people you steer clear off and you cut off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2015): I think the problem is that you call all these people your friends. There are not your friends and never were. It was just hanging out, going places together, but that's to what is called friends. Especially at your age, the so called fiends are easy to make, because you are looking for a company todo fun stuff together. But this is what these people who you finally ditch should be called: hanging out buddies. And ...they shouldn't be taken seriously. Even if you know them for years they still are stuck on a shelf called " hanging out" buddies. If these people lie to you. Backstabbing you, you are right to drop them. Even for fun time buddies it's too serious of "crime" . You definitely want to avoid people like this on your life always. The other thing you might want to try is to give it a bit more time to figure out if this person your friend or not. I learned the hard way to not be so trusting and open with all people that come my way. I managed to make very good friends through out the years but it took me the same amount of year to understand who exactly I want in mylife and whoi don't want. Also, people are all very different, most are not like you, many have different set of values and came from different backgrounds. That's why we pick and choose. You are not doing anything wrong in dropping them, May be in a beginning you shouldn't be picking them at all. The older you get, the more you learn, and if you keep your loyalty, and your enthusiasm in people you will eventually end up with friends who you will never loose because when they come into your life they will be there to stay .
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 May 2015):
 bet you have heard the term "fair weather friends" That is what the majority of friendships are in life. Unless you get extreemly lucky and find a friend that will stick by you no matter whay happens.fair weather friends(a.k.a aquaintenances) are the majority of what our pool of people we know actually are will go away as soon as there is any drama. Not your fault it's just human nature to not want to get all wrapped up in the problems of others. I suspect at your young age there is a lot of drama around you all the time. Therefore findin a "REAL" friend will be very vry hard. Again, It's not your fault!Nothing you can do or say will turn a person you know into a friend. If there is drama all around you, Folks will naturally tend to be stand-offish. I mean who the heck wants to be involed in constant turmoil? Quit trying to make a friend while there is a funnel cloud of dusty drama around you. You can't blame them or yourself for what is a normal trait. If there is a way to get out of the drama you speak of do that first then aquire a friend.
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