A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do i blame myself for past physical and sexual abuse that i went through even though i didnt ask for it? :( why am i sitting with all the pain and hurt? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): You blame yourself because that was part of the abuse. I was abused and was always told it was my fault because I was unruly, misbehaved, needed discipline etc. I didn't believe it then and I don't believe it now. She was just a sick, twisted, freak who still has her demons and always will. I forgave her and moved on to a happier place.
Please believe in yourself. The abuse was NOT YOUR FAULT. If you give in to these feelings and start believing them, then you are letting the abuse carry on. You like me and millions of others out there who have been abused and are still alive, are survivors. We are strong and we have the power to choose whether we let the abuse carry on into our future or whether we leave it in the past where it belongs.
I truly hope you find peace within yourself. It is not easy. It took me 13 years but I got there in the end. You will too.
A
female
reader, busy04  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 It's not easy to handle all the feelings that come with being abused, I know how you feel because I was abused sexually/physically also. And above all that we can tell you, you have to believe for your own self...that it was not your fault at all. And you're right, you didn't ask for it, no one would ask for it. But YOU ARE MORE than that, what happened to you does not dictate who you are as person or what you will become. We don't always know "why" things happen or "why" we feel the blame, but one thing that's sure...you can overcome it. You can't make sense of it right now, but you can find strength within yourself. Even though you may not feel as if you have any, it is there. Pray for peace, meditate or do whatever calms you & gives you control again. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen & I'm lucky that I'm even alive to tell you that.
I do advise you to seek counseling. I know it may be a hard thing to talk about, but when you do talk, it brings you closer to healing. And healing is what you need :)
And like Raiders said below me...report the crime.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
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A
female
reader, Fangster +, writes (28 May 2010):
I agree with Raiders, you should seek counseling. I was sexually abused as a child and it took me a very long time to realize that it was not my fault. Sometimes I will still find myself thinking "If only I had done this or that" things would've been different. But whatever happened it is NOT your fault!!!! You are the VICTIM and you need to know you did nothing wrong. Have you talked to any family or friends about this? If not, you should, and don't be ashamed. Also, look for a victims of sexual violence group in your area, getting together with people that have gone through similar things can help you feel like your not the only one, and that other people have made it out of bad situations, and can still be happy. I really hope the best for you!
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A
female
reader, JadeLopez  +, writes (28 May 2010):
The victims often tend to believe that they are culpable for the abuse they have been through. But clearly it is not like that. Seek help in some way. And find ways to take your mind off the troubling thoughts.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (28 May 2010):
 Have you tried getting some help. This abuse is never ok and its never the victims fault, you were only a victim to a crime and you should report this. I feel that you need to seek counseling, therapy will help you so much. I feel your pain and wish I could do more for you but I could only give you advise please seek help and report the crime.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): Try googling sites for people who were sexually abused as children. You will find just about everyone who was unfortunate enough to find themselves the victim of an abuser, blame themselves. Its a normal response. You will feel you were to blame and its one of the hardest thoughts to overcome. But as you reach for answers and find them, you will start to recover. You are looking at the abuse from the eyes of a young adult now. Questioning why you didnt do this. Or didnt do that. Thats how many people are affected. But its important to remember you were just a CHILD when it happened. You couldnt possibly think or react as you do.now. Its your adult self reacting to the abuse. So its going to be totally different to how you reacted as a child. You cant put your head now, onto the shoulders of that little girl and say she should have done this or should have done that. You arent being fair on that little girl. She had enough to cope with. Be kind to her. Dont doom her to feel forever guilty that it was somehow all her fault. Can you understand what im saying? Seek a good counsellor who will help you understand why you feel as you do. It will help x
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