A
male
age
41-50,
*eordie29
writes:need a bit of feedback. ive posted a couple of times. yeah im still a virgin at 30. i was in the pub tonight. had a few drinks but just could not relax. normally i would wait to sober up before posting but i want to try and get my exact feelings down. i feel like im in work mode all the time. the pub had quite a good atmosphere. lots of people in and quite a few good looking young ladies. im sure that im a bit too old for them but thats normal. anyhow i noticed a girl came to the bar and im not sure if she was interested but when i thought there was half a chance i literally went into panic mode. i dont know why. i do this all the time and cannot get any control. i get massivly stressed out and its flight time. i have zero chance of even trying to build rapport because my mind takes over and im done for. why is it that every time i see a girl i fancy i immediatly think she is better than me. in my head a girl i like is always too good for me. im in a catch 22. what can i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Maybe the bar scene just isn't for you. Practice talking to girls in a situation with less pressure-like at a party with friends or at a sports game. Then you can work your way up to the cute girl at the grocery store, or the blind date a friend wants to set up. Don't go to these things thinking "I have to pick up a girl tonight." Go, have fun, and if someone catches your interest, go for it. If not, that's fine too. If you get rejected, better luck next time, it's her loss. And yes, you need to take a look at yourself and realize you have good qualities, and are worth something. I can't be the only girl who would LOVE to go out with a virgin.From,The 30 year old female virgin ;)
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (9 April 2011):
Hi - I agree with the other Uncle in terms of girls arent gods and you can at least talk to them - so for you rather than wait to see one girl you fancy - I would practise talking to people at the bar every time, aim to say something to ten girls in a night, when your standing next to them pretend to bump into them, and then say sorry and ask them if they are having a good night etc...
you need to get your confidence up. Also hang out by the door or outside, its less noisy and you can perhaps ask the girls as they have a cigerette or something?? nothing worse than having to shout to be heard. I'd also experiment with pretending to be someone else - I was shy like you and I got one pissed girl to believe I was a noble peace prize winner and an astronant - and she was keen!
Just be yourself - girls can sense desparation a mile off so just relax and smile and your half way there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): Why are you trying to meet a girl at the bar? If you want a real relationship and a nice first time you might want to try a dating website and just forget the bar scene. The sites are nice because often they are for making friends too so its very low stress. Try arranging dates that dont involve having a drink to relax or drinking at all. You may be pleasantly surprised.
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A
female
reader, melanie01  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 You lack confidence. Pick somethings about yourself that you like and focus on them even if it's one thing. Whether it be that you have a good sence of humor or nice eyes. Nobody is perfect and nobody is to good for you. What someone lacks in one area they make up in another.
Next time you see someone your interested in you approch them say hi and ask them how there day/night is going. Some women will shut you down but that just means they wern't right for you. Dont panic it happens to everyone.
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