A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hellocan any1 tell me wat's goin on with me...? when i have had a bit too much to drink i lash out at my boyfriend, not physically just verbally. its happened the past 2 saturday's, it's like i have no control over wat i am saying or doing. my bf said the 1st time it happened he would leave if it happened again, then i did it again this saturday, although he was angry with me he did not want to finish it with me, but i have not heard from him ittoday which is not usual. wat is goin on? has any1 been in this situation, what is he thinkin? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): I loved my ex dearly, but because the relationship was long distance I used to find it really stressful. Things got worse especially when he wouldn't commit to our relationship and move to be with me. He had money problems, I had suffered a family bereavement, so the combination of the two griefs sent me off my trolley. I firstly started going out with friends and drinking just to relax and have a good time. Then I used to have a few drinks in the evening after work to unwind and it was during these times on my own I started to resent him not being with me. All my insecurites would well up inside me, then I would be become abusive to him either by text or even phone him. It's only now in hindsight I can see what my problems were because as I said at that time I was off my trolley with grief. You need to cut out your drinking and try and establish the real reason you lash out at your boyfriend. There is obviously something he is not doing for you in your relationship and this is making you unhappy.Maybe you feel that if you confront him about it you will lose him? But abusing him verbally when you're drunk is not going to make him stay around either.I know how awful it feels the day after drinking when you suddenly remember all those nasty things you said to the person you are supposed to be in love with. Its only you who can stop drinking and control this destructive pattern. If you are strong enough to overcome this I assure you, you will feel a much better person for it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Has this only happened in the last two weeks, or does it happen often when you've had a drink? If it has only happened twice, then perhaps you have an issue with him or your relationship and are taking it out on him when your judgement is impaired rather than talking to him about it.
If you have a tendency to loose it on alcohol then maybe it is a behaviour you have learnt from your parents or developing years. How do you as a family deal with problems, do you shout at each other or do you respectfully talk? How does your mum and your dad treat each other, do they shout at each other?
I can only guess what he is thinking but perhaps your drama is a passion killer for him? Alcohol should be used as a way of enhancing enjoyment with your partner, not something that brings out someones nasty side. I think the other advice is right in that you should maybe pass on the alcohol, but more long-term it would be a good idea to find out what it is that is triggering the anger inside you. If it is really bothering you, perhaps you could see a therapist to go through it with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): In order to work out the issues you are personalliy dealing with while drinking, try staying away from alcohol for one weekend. If you find that you are bored or go out because most of your friends do, then drinking has turned into a terrible habit that needs to be stopped (it may be easier to stop if you make other plans like go to a movie or excersising etc). Most people do turn to self medication when trying to push reality away (trust me I know from personal experience) so by staying sober for a while the issues will resurface and you might be able to deal with them maturely and at the gut level. I think you may have lashed out on your boyfriend because you may have felt smothered (does he make you feel guilty when you have fun "get drunk"?). If he does not make contact with you soon then he may have been turned off permanently by your behaviour. If he contacts you and you feel that you can trust him, tell him that you want to work things out and that you may need his help. If you dont trust him then try to tell someone close to you that may be going through the same thing (or you feel eventually will), perhaps a close friend that goes out with you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): So why do you drink too much when you are with him? Didn't you take seriously what he said the first time it happened?
It would appear he meant what he said - and who wants to be on the receiving end of a tongue-lashing from your partner when she's had a few too many?
If he doesn't accept your apology, then there's nothing you can do - except resolve not to drink when around your next boyfriend - if he DOES give you another chance, you might do better to not drink anything alcoholic next time you're with him - you recognize yourself that you have no control when you do, so you would do better to cut it out.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Drinking affects our mind. We lose all control over our norms and values and act in ways we never would sober.I think from now on you may have to avoid drinking so much, that you get into this midstate.I think your gonna have to explain to your BF that you were drunk and are cutting it down, and that you are very sorry. He should forgive you.Just cut down the drinks
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