A
female
age
41-50,
*irlychick
writes:dear cupid,i ve being in a flunctuating relationship that is almost lasting for 5 years now.we have not being able to keep it normal and cool, we always argue curse and then settle,untill it gets to a point of big obsession for me that i cnt let go of this guy even after we officially terminate the relationship.the strange and scary thing here is that the more i get humiliated and oppressed by this guy the closer i get to him,how could i possibly be hurting my self knowing that this isnt healthy and good for me?i ve tried so many ways to break off from this guy and run for dear life, but each time he comes to me with his sweet sugar coated tounge of sorrys and i miss you, i fall right bck in and then at a the slightest interuption,he humiliates me and even abuses me sexualy,manipulating me to use sex as a ransom to keep the peace with him while i watch and cry helplessly. its like i ve lost total deffense of my self, traded my dignity and self esteem for fear and timidness,i seem to be numb and almost following this guy dogmatically as if i ve been placed on a spell,i mean cnt stand for what i beleive in, champion my opinion or even get aknowldgment and respect from him when i air my views. what do i do to get out of this mystry?because each time i decide to leave and never talk to hm again, he has a way of weakning my defenses manipulating me bck in to his hands,i mean i feel like a pupet!! funny isnt it? to me its crazy, abnormal and retarding.i need help!!!!!!
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female
reader, Bickycat  +, writes (1 June 2010):
This man is a control freak. He is abusive and you appear to have little or no self esteem. Hard, I know, but cut him out of your life and get some counselling, it will make you stronger. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): You know what you have to do already, you just have to find the strength to follow through with it once and for all.
Seriously this is no kind of life to live. He's leaving you in such a mess that you have no chance of moving on and finding a healthy loving relationship with anyone else. You might tell yourself that's okay, that if you can't have him you want no one else, but again that's a horrible lonely life to live.
Firstly you need to break off ALL contact, he calls your phone hang up, he sends you a message delete it without reading, if he calls to your house, lock the door and put on some headphones and listen to loud music. If you can block his number, block his emails, block him from all your online social networking profiles. You HAVE to find the strength to do this each and every time. You cannot once give in or you'll have to deal with the emotional turmoil of this over and over again.
Secondly you need to get rid of every single thing belonging to him in your house, everything he gave you as a gift, every photo, every piece of clothing belonging to him and burn it all. I bet you money you have lots of that stuff lying around the place and in places where you can see them. Stop listening to the music you used to listen to with him, basically get rid of anything in your life that reminds you of him or has a memory of him attached to it.
The most important thing you have to remember is that he does NOT love you, not even in the slightest, you don't consistently and methodically hurt someone you love like that.
I must also stress that you don't love him either, you're in love with the fantasy, you're in love with the guy you wish he was but will never be, you're in love with the guy he becomes when he wants to sweet talk his way back in to your life. This is the reason you keep holding hope in your heart and this is the reason you let him in to your life time and again. Besides that I'm pretty sure you have a crazy animal attraction to him and to you he must seem like the most attractive guy on the planet and he leaves you weak at the knees when you see him or hear his voice.
Frankly I don't think you're going to do any of what I suggest because in your mind the thought of never seeing him again is far more horrible than the heartache he causes you. You're addicted and you have yourself convinced that a few hours of the sweet nice guy in him is worth weeks of pain, this has been the way it has been for you and I fear you're just gonna let it continue, instead of doing what is required to move on and build a life for yourself outside of this guy.
Good Luck and seriously if you can't find a way to do this, then get professional help, you're life is being ruined and you're letting it happen.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 I know this is hard. Many times relationships like these only end when the police has to be involved. You can end this before he gets locked up, or you getting killed. The only lesson you will learn is that you don't need another experience like this again. You need help to start moving your stuff. Alert family members, social services and get a court protection order against him. Remember also your guardian angels are beside you. They are real. Now is not the time to ask why, what if, when. You have time to reflect on him later. Think about where you are going to stay for the next few months.
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