A
female
age
41-50,
*arplechick
writes:Hi all,I am 33 and am currently dating a man of 38. We have only had 5 dates so far. Last night I took him to a dinner party with 7 other friends. There was a single girl there of a similar age to me who I thought was quite attractive. I noticed my man looking at her more than at me. It's almost like I was watching where he was looking all night and I came to the conclusion he had a crush on her. After all, we are at the early stage of the relationship and I'm not sure he's really into me.Even when I was talking and this girl was talking I noticed he was looking at her rather than me. As it's so early in our relationship shouldn't he still be besotted with me? Shouldn't he not be able to take his eyes off me? I don't know, I just think maybe these 2 clicked last night. My friends told me I am prettier and more intelligent than this girl, in fact, without sounding vain, I think I am too but I always seem to do this, get paranoid about whichever man I'm with and think I'll be usurped by someome else. Why?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Ok Marplechick ( I love this name ) so lets forget last nights dinner party and your boyfriend who may have been quite innocent, and focus on why you feel like you do.
You can do a lot to understand this yourself. Did something happen in your past to make you feel this way? Buying a self help book will prompt your thinking.
If you don't feel able to deal with this yourself then you should consider therapy, because it appears this is having a detrimental affect on your life and if uncorrected is likely to get worse, not better.
Think of it as an investment in your future Marplechick. Your love life will improve and other aspects of your life will change for the better (don't change that name though).
Take care - Richard
A
female
reader, marplechick +, writes (3 December 2007):
marplechick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all,
In answer to one of your replies, yes, this is a recurrent theme in my life. I am told that I have absolutely no reason to feel like this as I'm often described as stunning looking by male and female friends but for some reason I have terrible insecurities unless I'm having constant attention and complements from my man.
I ruined my last relationship by getting jealous over something that wasn't even happening between my boyfriend and a girl. It ends up pushing people away!
Re chemistry, I haven't felt any real chemistry there between us on the other dates but me being me needs to know that someone likes me before I'll get any chemistry or sex going!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): I think some guys need to learn how to control their eyes. There is a way of checking out females without making it too obvious, and from what you wrote, I think he makes it too obvious when he looks. As for the crush thing, I wouldn't worry too much about that. I had a crush on my bf's best friend when we first started going out. But now me and my bf have been going out for some months now, and it's all good.
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A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (2 December 2007):
This is a good question which may be answered in date #6. Richard EMids asked a good question about how much this is a recurrent theme in your life.Perhaps you just need to develop more self confidence!I would also like to ask you how the other five dates went. Did you feel real chemistry? He must have made you uncertain earlier for you to react like this. I've had similar experiences to your dinner party one, and it made me feel uneasy. I don't think you are paranoid, I think you are sensitive. It could be that this man is just a party animal type and just enjoyed talking to this woman, but was glad to have you there by his side. It's hard to tell from your description.Even if he felt attracted to her, she may have not thought anything of it, and not liked him at all! You can't expect him to be glued to you at a party, but you could tell him that you need reassurance.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (2 December 2007):
Hi Marplechick (great name). Is this just a little bit of insecurity on your part and a boyfriend who likes to 'study' female company OR would you say this is a recurrent theme in your life which has destroyed previous relationships? I can't tell from the posting so far. Could you elaborate.
Thanks
Richard
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Dont get too over your head. Obviously he was with you because he is interested in you. Its normal for people to be a little concerned that our partner would leave us for someone else. I dont think he would be that stupid to let go of something special he can have over a one night lust. Dont get to paranoid over this issue. There would be tons of girls that will come his way that would be very attractive ( no offense) but if a man is really interested in a woman, he wouldnt give them a chance. So relax and dont let this issue worry you so much that you push a good man aside. Good luck!
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