A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey.I don't know what's wrong with me. I've only ever had two genuine, long-term relationships and have only had sex with these said people. The problem is, is that it seems like after I hit the one year mark, I just get totally ... bored of the relationship.This is what happened to my last relationship ... it got so bad, I started lusting after other people while I was in the relationship, and I had to break it off as I knew something wasn't right.In the end, I figured it was a good decision as I don't think that man was the right one for me. However, I feel the same thing starting to happen in the relationship I'm in now. It scares me, because, contrary to how I felt about my last relationship, I really feel like this guy and I are made for each other (and I never believed that was even possible before hand, but he made me believe it was).But now, for some reason, I feel myself getting bored. We don't really do much except hang around his place (we're both in trouble financially, and need to save up money so we can move to another city, among other things). And it's totally cool. Like, we'll still have awesome conversations and just be totally chill with each other ... but ... I'm just starting to not look forward to hanging out with him anymore. I don't feel as excited as I used to.What's worse is the sex -- we have sex minimally once a day, sometimes up to five. And sex with him is wild, I absolutely love it! ... but somehow, I'm starting to lose interest in that as well, and I don't know why ... it's really strange, as sometimes it'll be absolutely amazing, whereas other times I'm just waiting for it to be over.It probably has to do with my personality, as I'm one who likes to party a lot and go out and just be totally crazy ... I don't know if I'm just lacking time out, partying and whatever, which is why I feel this way ...But I'm totally freaked, because I don't want to lose him. I love him to death, he is amazing, and I love being in a relationship.But why do I feel this way?! Help, please :(
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male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (5 November 2010):
First off, to answer about the sex; things become far less special the more frequent they become. It may feel good physically, but it can make you a wreck emotionally. Do you initiate it or does he? If he's the one always initiating (which isn't a bad thing) you might want to tell him you think its losing its "special" feeling.
Second, both men and women crave adventure. When you're in your early twenties, life is going to seem boring when its not moving fast. For the first year of your relationship it didn't matter because things were still new and exciting for you. Now that they've become routine, you risk becoming bored with things and lusting after other sources of adventure. But that will continue to happen. Most relationships get rocky after 1 1/2 or so because your brain stops producing emotion altering "feel good" chemicals when you're around that person, and all of a sudden you're left feeling dull.
So try these things:
-First off, talk to him. Let him know what's crossing your mind so he can start thinking of other things you guys can do. Communication is very important. He can't read your mind and I bet you can't read his.
-Go on dates. Dates don't have to cost money! Take a walk outside, go to a cheap dollar theater, grab some icecream, go out to a bar, see a parade, sit under the stars, go on a pick-nick, go to the beach. There are a lot of dating options that won't cost you a lot of money :)
-Spend some time alone. Try and make a ladies/fellas night for both you and him. Let him hang with his guys and you go out and be with your girlfriends. This allows you to get some excitement and fun from your friends so you're not expecting it all the time from one another, which can be exhausting.
-Discuss your sex life. Sex is great, we all know that, but too much can make it lose that closeness it brings. Reserve sex only for those special moments. Plus, the longer you both go without it, the more you'll want it, leading to some intense moments once you finally unleash (don't make each other wait too long though, that's just cruel)
-Communication. I can't say this enough. Guys need to hear these things. If we don't know that anything is wrong, we'll continue doing exactly the same thing. Once again, let him know what you have been thinking. Not in an angry way, but just to talk :)
Good luck!
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