A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this guy and we made out a couple of times. He wanted to have sex but I said no. I like him but it turns out he is a big manwhore who sleeps around. I heard that he was in a 3 year relationship not too long ago. I dont know the exact details of it but Im guessing it ended badly. What is it that makes him the way he is? Did the girl break his heart or something? What is it exactly that makes guys use girls for their own pleasure? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Afterthought: You are also hurt. You may not want revenge, but your resentment against women could easily turn into an insensitivity to women's wishes and feelings. After all, SHE didn't worry much about your wishes or feelings, did she? So turn off the feelings and think about YOURSELF for a change. A person who's been hurt is going to be self-absorbed and thinking more of his own pain/ hurt/needs than he is of his partner's feelings.
A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (16 March 2009):
So your question is: Why do men become manwhores after becoming hurt?
This is even harder to answer than the generalised question ('why are some men manwhores?') I don't think I'd even dare to answer it, because I wouldn't presume to speak on behalf of other men.
However, I did go through a stage after a very bad breakup once.
* First, you're still interested in women/sex.
* But you're not necessarily ready to go into a heavy committed relationship -- in fact, you're more likely NOT to want a heavy committed relationship. So what is better than seeing if you can 'play the field' for a while? Emotionally much easier than plunging back in.
* Seducing other women also helps salve your battered ego. Even if you can't have HER, you at least know there are girls out there that find you attractive enough to go to bed with you.
I suppose it's akin to being "on the rebound" -- but it's different, because the person on the rebound is acting the opposite way: emotionally vulnerable and ready to enter quite unsuitable relationships. The "manwhore" is quite clear that he's not going to enter any relationships, unsuitable or otherwise.
Sorry I can't be of more help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think you guys misread my question. OF COURSE i dont think every man is a manwhore but this one IS and my question is why! and also in general, why do decent guys turn into mansluts after a relationship? have they been hurt? just for the fun of it? to see how many they can sleep with or what??
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (16 March 2009):
"What is it exactly that makes guys use girls for their own pleasure?"
It's not necessarily for their own pleasure. As some have said, the thrill is all in the chase. It's a big ego boost to go through all the moves and finally win the big prize -- when the girl consents to open her legs for you. After the goal has been won, there are many men who lose interest. And what's more, they are not necessarily going to either give or get great sensual pleasure from the act. What they will get is the warm glow of success -- knowing that the girl has given up something that is not always come by easily.
As for this guy, who knows? Maybe he did get hurt and just wants to get his own back. Maybe he's sworn that it's not worth giving that much emotion and getting hurt for all his pains. Easier to just go out and get what you want. Not all men are alike, just as not all women are alike.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (16 March 2009):
"What is it exactly that makes guys use girls for their own pleasure?"
It's not necessarily for their own pleasure. As some have said, the thrill is all in the chase. It's a big ego boost to go through all the moves and finally win the big prize -- when the girl consents to open her legs for you. After the goal has been won, there are many men who lose interest. And what's more, they are not necessarily going to either give or get great sensual pleasure from the act. What they will get is the warm glow of success -- knowing that the girl has given up something that is not always come by easily.
As for this guy, who knows? Maybe he did get hurt and just wants to get his own back. Maybe he's sworn that it's not worth giving that much emotion and getting hurt for all his pains. Easier to just go out and get what you want. Not all men are alike, just as not all women are alike.
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A
male
reader, Tewebag +, writes (16 March 2009):
i have to agree with Denny here. you are assuming every man is a "manwhore" which is not true. im not one im almost 19 and only had sex with one girl (my current girl) and she plans on getting married and im ok with that. damn if anything im a whoreman (opposite of manwhore(dumb joke i know but im tired)) there are plenty of great guys out there. stop looking at parties, clubs, bars or whereever you found this manwhore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): This is a classic, universal question that most women in our culture ask themselves one time or another.First of all, kudos to you for not sleeping with him.The best thing a female can do for her own self respect is to remember this rule:Don't put out. In denying sex, no matter how awkward, you preserve your self-respect, and you gain his respect (even if he doesn't show it). He may even not pursue you after denying him, and if he does, that's a great sign. It's a morsel of truth about him. That means sex is all he wanted you for. So it's such great news when I guy takes off because you don't put out. That way you've kept out unhealthy men from your dating pool. You seem like you already know that anyway.I once had the hottest, I mean HOTTEST model guy after me and he was super everything: smart, talkative, honest, open, generous, fun, successful, etc. He tried to have sex on the first date, and I just said no. Then he tried on the second date, and I said no. Then the third date, he was frustrated and almost angry, and it turns out he was used to scoring with his dates by the second time!!! He told me he's never been turned down, and he was incredibly puzzled that I was not seduced. He said I'm the most interesting and I'm the one of all his list he wants to be with the most, and all the lines he could think of. During one of the sex turn downs I said, "Look, I'm not a groupie. I don't sleep around. I could, but I don't want the consequences. Let me ask you a question which I don't want you to answer: If I have the same sex habits and background as you, would you want to sleep with me?" He dropped the subject. He kept asking me out, but my gut told me his invitations were sexually based. He was a dreamy, gorgeous, hot successful man, but he was a man-whore. He told me I was the only girl who denied him, and that felt great.Did he keep after me? Sure. Many people tend to want what they cannot have. Good job girl!
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