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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i going to be giving birth in the next month and the father who i was dating for, for 6 years did a legger as soon as i told him he has a new gf now anyways i have to do it all on my own to be honest i don't think i'm ready to be a mam or to do it alone so i was considering adoption. the dad was told this but he told me too swing the child from the raffter he never wants to talk to me again can't i see he moved on so should i and take a hike but i want him there for the birth i think he just scared. do guys do that i mean when the find they have a baby on the way go and have realtionship with someone new and drink and etc because they think they feel trapped.. well anyway how do i ask him to be my birthing partner i'm hoping that he relise what a fool he's been and be more active in our lives if i do keep the baby.oh his new gf is 5 years his junior and hes 25.
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male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (4 January 2011):
Commitment and being trapped springs to mind in this case, however he has acted in an immature and irresponsible way.
Whether the baby was planned or not, you are pregnant and he should face up to his responsibilities, however there is no way you can force him to.
This can go in one of two ways. 1) he really will keep his distance and have nothing to do with the baby. 2) when the baby is born he will come around to fatherhood.
But ultimately you have to decide what is best for you and the baby.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Guys do that when they didn't plan to have a baby. Especially younger guys - fewer of them have been raised to believe in the obligations of a father, and even those that have see no benefit in doing so.
I didn't see anything in this question about planning to have the baby. Were the two of you trying to conceive? If he wanted a baby, then he has no excuse, he's an ass, and there's nothing you can do. If this was an accident (or "accident," you didn't say which), then I can't blame him for it.
There's really no reliable way to get him back. Telling him he's been a fool is not going to work, simply because he hasn't been one. As far as he's concerned, he left a chick who doesn't seem to understand exactly how trapped a baby can leave a guy, for real. Female reproductive rights completely trump guys' rights, and guys know that - so they bail. Even decent guys (I'm not sure if he's decent or not, given the info) would say something terrible like "swing the child from a rafter" if they think it'll get the babymama to stay away.
The best bet to get him back (though I'd still put the odds of success pretty low) would be to stop thinking of him as a fool, apologize for getting pregnant without his input, and try to introduce him to the baby. He may become attached once he meets it. If you're giving the kid up for adoption, that's not really an option, though.
I'd say move on from this guy, and try to find a good family for the baby. Single motherhood is rough, both on the mom and the child, and if you can bypass the foster care system and go straight to a good family, it'll be better for the kid. Still, single motherhood is better than foster care.
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