A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey Everyone,I'm 19 and a sophomore in college as well as my boyfriend. We have done everything we could think of besides sex which is something we are wanting to do very badly every we see each other. I seriously feel like everytime that feeling increases so he is trying to compensate. Well, last time we spent time together he said we should try something new. He has asked me before but I never let him because I find it kind of gross. He asked if he could go down on me...oral sex. I allowed him but I have a few questions. He for some reason really liked doing it and doesn't mind it at all. I was a lot more comfortable with it than I thought. Why do guys feel that way...that they like to do it? If I were a guy I would never....its just different then a girl giving a guy a blow job. Number two, I liked it but it didn't drive me wild like I heard it does to some girls. Is it suppose to? If so, is it just because he is not being forceful enough? What does he need to do to really "drive me wild"? For advice for me...what can I do for him? grooming wise..Thanks for anything!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): Hey Illithi, I never said anything about experienced men!!!That is your assumption. My partner who I am with at the moment is a shy man, bloody good looking, who hasn't had that much experience with women (his friend has verified that). And yet.....he is the most wonderful lover I have ever had, so I wouldn't exactly call him experienced, just savvy about what goes where and which buttons to press (and he bloody well knows where my clit is, good man) And, he NEVER nibbles!!!!. Again, as per my note, experience doesn't necessarily equate to a great lover!!! So, go figure. You could give some men a manual and they still just wouldn't "get it"!! I think some men use the old "monkey banging on a typewriter approach" and think eventually they will find the clit (or churn out a novel in the case of the monkeys). This has been mine and other friends experience, for which we have laughed around the dinner table about the fact that despite our ages and numerous lovers, we could count on one hand only the amount of men who were actually very good. I think my argument was on the grounds that if all men watch porn, and all men say they get hints and tips from it, howcome MOST are just not very good at it. OK, so the poster is 19. Great, if she wants to give direction, then fine. Perhaps she should put an arrow on her lady garden pointing to the cliterous!!!!!! My reply was to other responses on this post. And to your last question about should the guy dump his girlfriend if she doesn't give bj's like a porn star: in my experience most men just like it if you suck their cock and are happy doing it. I guess as long as you are not "nibbling" round his sensitive helmet, then gobble and chocks away and he'll probably be quite happy!! Mind you, if his palate was so jaded that he needed porn at 19, I'd probably kick his scrawny arse to the kerb anyway!!!!
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Wait anon... you're saying that you only like experienced men that have given oral enough times with enough women that they can go on autopilot and need no direction whatsoever. But the OP is 19 and likely interested in a man that hasn't been around so much and may indeed need to learn what he's doing. You want a seasoned pro, but every one of those guys that's great at it now needed to learn how to do it when he was still young and amateur. Maybe the ones that HAVEN'T been good for you are so bad at it because they got kicked to the curb without anyone giving them a chance to learn. Would you advise a 19 year old male to dump his girlfriend if she doesn't give blowjobs like a porn star for him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Somebody mentioned nibbling!!! Sorry, but don't nibble on my bits, it is way too sensitive to be nibbled on!! I think it's amazing that the guys are saying "all women are different" - well of course they are but there is only one cliterous and that is where the action happens. To be honest, very few men are very good at this. I'm in my forties so i have experienced quite a bit. Most men in that vicinity haven't got a bloody clue, despite all their porn watching and the old "I've learnt everything from porn", well if so, how come you are not very good down there!! Out of twenty odd guys I've slept with, only two knew how to perform oral properly. One started nibbling and the pain in that sensitive area was immense. Needless to say it totally ruined the moment and I brought his head up as I didn't want him near there any more. I just found a lot of them to be clumsy and clueless!!! Again, if you have to give instructions like left a bit, right a bit, then the guy is NOT doing very well. A man who is great at oral does not have to ask and you don't have to tell him; as I say I've experienced this a couple of times and man it is awesome. If I have to tell him what to do, then he will not last with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrue but I am not always on time period wise... As for my parents, I would have to go up and ask them because if I don't and they find out I did it behind their back, they would be very disappointed. I have still have not been to a gynocologist so I feel that would be the way they would find out even though things are confidential. I just worry... alot in all aspects of sex. It's very frustrating.
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male
reader, rivi +, writes (1 August 2010):
Well if it's just fear of pregnancy take a tip from the Catholic Church's approved method of contraception : doing it during your infertile period of the month.
If your periods are regular you would normally be unable to conceive a few days either side of your period ( actually longer but just to build in a safety margin ). So combine that timing with quality strong condoms and take care not to let any of his sperm inside you or around your vagina and you are pretty sure not to get pregnant. If this appeals try googling 'infertile period of month' or similar.
But anyway, why would your parents need to know you were going on the Pill ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all again for the advice and I could not be more fulfilled with my question but I'm always learning. Nice names for body parts Miamine. "Rivi", trust me...he and I want to have sex so badly that you can literally feel this sexual tension when we're alone. I'm 19 as is he and I want to be on birth control before I have sex. I'm still a virgin and in addition to the birth control he would use a condom. My parents are old fashion and would flip out and not trust me as much if I came to them about birth control and in the end unfortunately that's the way I eventually have to do it. I'm just paranoid that if we JUST use a condom it will tear resulting in a pregnancy. And thank you, I try to be a good if not great girlfriend. I would hesitate to show him all these great answers from this question because although he would never pressure me into doing something I don't want to do, I would still feel compelled to HAVE to do/try the things that all of you offered as advice. Thanks for the idea though!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (31 July 2010):
 lol..thanks dirtball, aint had no complaints,but learnt me techiques through pornography and books...seems to me selfish Jonny Penis is the most important things to guys.... treat Johnny Penis right, and give kisses to the boyfriend, then everything will be alright...
I'm so sorry, we women is so complicated compared to loving boyfriend and arrogant, childish meat thing who lives in tight trouses and only has one thing in mind.. :D
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male
reader, rivi +, writes (30 July 2010):
What is supposed to really drive you wild is his penis in your vagina so if you are still postponing that for some reason I would give it a try. Meanwhile, as to the oral techniques / swallowing : you ( both) might like to try mutual oral - ie his mouth / tongue giving attention to your vag / clit and your mouth / tongue to his penis - esp the glans 'helmet'. When he is about to climax ask him to pull out and spurt over your breasts - most of us love doing that anyway. His penis will still be soaked with semen so at that stage you can try a tentative lick with your tongue to see how you like the taste. [ I love feeling the tip of a female tongue stimulating my urethral opening especially......]Another suggestion : once he has come over your breasts / nipples you get back into the face to face position and he can take some of his semen onto his tongue and delicately serve it on to your tongue - maybe as a kind of ape'ritif.Hopefully you can come to enjoy the taste and eventually take a whole load... but if not then just small, symbolic, quantities will prob be ok for him.You sound like a great gf by the way, willing to experiment and enquire etc.. So don't spoil things by holding off on the more traditional penis-in-vagina activites ( you'll maybe enjoy it a whole lot more than oral on its own ).PS - why not show him these exchanges and ask for his comments ?
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 July 2010):
 Love your instructions there Mia. Excellent advice!
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 July 2010):
Mrs Pussy Cat is wet and dark.. but so is your mouth... lol
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 July 2010):
Johnny Penis is also as impatient as he is arrogant, so most of the time he likes it quick and fast... but this hurts your hands and your mouth... this is when you take a break and start introducing suprises to him.. :P
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 July 2010):
When you are giving a blow job, please remember there is 4 people in the room.. there is you, and your Mrs Pussy cat, boyfriend bring his friend Johnny penis along so things will be equal..
Now Mr Johnny Penis likes anything. You can kiss him, you can lick him, you can quote poetry at him, as long as he is outside the trouses and you got no clothes on Johnny Penis is happy..
Not the same for your boyfriend.. Like you he will have hangups, he will worry about his smell, he will worry about if he is large enough, he will worry if you really like giving blow jobs or is he a beast for forcing you.. poor boyfriend.. but he won't say anything, because Mr Penis tells him to shut up in case the girl runs away...
Boyfriends like to be acknowledge as persons, that means don't spend all your time on mr selfish Johnny penis... a boyfriend has balls (testicles) he has little tits, he has tons of sensetative places that don't include his friend.. don't neglect his neck, don't ignore the rest of his body because these give him pleasure too.. If you ignore the body of your boyfriend and just satisfy Mr Johnny Penis, your boyfriend will feel unloved and lonely.. remember his mouth likes kissing too..
Right.. the selfish guy who is stuck all day in bad fitting hot trouses... he likes anything new.. he likes surprises.. you can tempt him by making him wait.. you can go slow when he expects you to go fast... little finger taps when he is expecting kisses.. most Johnny Penises like to be surprised...
But at the end of the day, Johnny Penis is shy. He dose his best in the dark and likes it hot and wet.. He likes your miss pussy cat most of all, but if you make him wait, by the time he gets close to her, he'll be the best lover she ever had...
Tease Johnny Penis, make him wait, give him tons of surprises, and remember he's shy and like it wet and dark..
Miss Pussy cat can wait, she is a lady with manners...
Boyfriends need attention, they are more than their friend the hungry penis.. they like to touch you too.. letting them watch without touching female skin can sometimes feel like mean torture...
Spitting or swallowing... it taste like japanese fish paste.. get him to eat more fruit and veg and his semen will taste better.. it's like eating very acidic and heavy nose snot.. bearable, but not the best taste in the world.. Keep him off nuts, nuts are bad, if he eats nuts he produces more semen... His semen tastes like what he eats, so healthy diets are the best...
ONLY ONE RULE TO GIVE NICE BLOWJOB.. show that you love and respect the man and want his happiness, and show Johnny Penis that your love includes him..
Swallow or spit.. Best to try to swallow, you might like the taste.. but if you don't like the taste, then you must follow Mrs Manner's advice. Pretend you are eating in from of royalty and you've got bad food in your mouth.. Don't make a sceen, that is rude... you can elegantly spit it out on to your partners back, belly or penis and rub it in.... Or spit it out discretly into the corner of the sheet..
You wouldn't want to embarrass a friend by spitting out her food and making everyone embarrassed.. Same goes for a blow job. Your boyfriend and his layabout friend Johnny Penis have given you a gift.. they will be hurt if you reject it.. you don't have to swallow, but if you refuse, clear your mouth in a discrete way, so they won't know..
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (30 July 2010):
"Illithid" said it best! It's awesome to know she's experiencing fabulous pleasure. I love to have her thighs pressed against my face when she climaxes, so I can feel the contractions. Yeah, I have sometimes had a headache after it was over. (I suppose that doing it on an olympic figure skater could result in a fractured skull.)
When I go down on my wife (pretty much every time we have sex) I use a little bit of everything - lips, tongue, lick, nibble, suck, probe - on her whole area - lips, clit, mound, entrance, etc. When she is getting close I can always bring her over by putting a finger or two about 1-knuckle deep and wiggling a little.
As for my receiving oral - I don't care if she swallows or not, just don't make a big deal out of getting rid of it. It's NOT battery acid that just squirted into her! On the rare occasion my wife gives fellatio to climax (and it's rare by MY choice, not her reluctance!) she discretely uses a napkin or paper towel - then we kiss.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (30 July 2010):
Men love giving oral for lots of reasons. We love turning our women on. We love knowing we're making you feel great. We like the control it gives us (just as many women love the control of a blowjob or girl-on-top sex). We love the sounds you make, or the look on your face when you climax (as much as we can see of it from down there). Heck, many men even greatly enjoy the taste and smell. We love the intimacy and trust involved in being allowed so close to you there (as many women are much more protective of oral than even penetrative sex). And honestly, it's just a heck of a lot of fun.
But every girl is different, and there's always a learning curve, so it won't be earth shattering the first time he goes down on you. He will need time to learn how to push your buttons.
And as per the broken nose (hi Cerberus), the same has happened to me. More than once. I always wore the fat lip or sore nose as a badge of pride. I couldn't care less about a little discomfort as long as I was making her feel THAT good. As stupid as it sounds, it makes me feel like one hell of a man!
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 July 2010):
Wow, quite a bit since I last checked in but it looks like Mia and Cerberus handled things well. As far as the taste of his cum goes... I think a lot of women get it built up in their head that it's going to be horrible. The more negative your preconceptions, the more you re-affirm them. Instead, tell yourself you love it because of how you're making your love feel. Still no rush.
My golden rules when it comes to sex:
1) Give more than you get.
2) You can never have enough foreplay.
3) Never do anything you aren't comfortable with.
There is never a need to rush into things. Sex will only be enjoyable if you're ready. Otherwise all of the fears and other stuff gets in the way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): I love oral sex but the reason it didn't drive you wild is most likly he was focusing on the inside of your vagina. The part that drives women wild is the man licking the clit. It's something that can be very hard to find for a guy new to oral sex.
My boyfriend and I took a long time before he learned to lick the clit. To help your boyfriend you can hold down your vagina so it's easier to see. If he licks that it will definitly drive you wild.
Careful though it can get very intense quickly and you might not be able to handle it after awhile
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNope, I've never tasted the precum. I just am thinking about what I think my reaction would be. I have never swallowed. So maybe trying to spit first rater than swallow may be the best to try if its my first time. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Oh you mean letting him cum in your mouth? Oh that's different. Does he precum? I mean does his penis get wet/release fluid when you are fooling around with him?
I ask this because I want to know if you've already tasted cum and that's why you don't want him to cum in your mouth.
If you have and you haven't gotten sick then it's unlikely that you will as long as you have something to spit it into next to where you do it. Some mouthwash there too might be handy.
As I said, he sounds like a nice guy, so why not try it once and see how it goes. You might not find it bad. Just make sure he warns you when he's about to cum, it can be a nasty surprize if you're not prepared. If you don't like it then at least you tried.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 July 2010):
mmmm.. I'm taking notes... needs to go in the DC manual.. Advice note 400... "Be carefull, loving kisses can break bones and leave you toothless"... lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus, poor guy..you do something nice for her and she almost breaks your nose. lol He would like it because then I wouldn't have to stop giving him oral right before he cums but he also said that its okay if I don't want to do it. I would be doing it more for him...I just don't want to result in me getting sick immediately after because of the taste. That would for sure ruin the climax for him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Yup, practice makes perfect in all things, once he figures out which buttons to press he'll keep doing that.
There's no need to swallow, ask him does he care if you do or not. If he says he'd like that, try it once and see if you do, otherwise have a cup or empty yoghurt carton ready to spit it out into. If you don't like swallowing there really is no need to do it.
No I mean she got so into it, the contraction of her hip muscles rammed her pubic bone right against my nose, nearly knocked out a couple of my teeth too. You'll see what I mean when he get's it right, you're muscles will spasm uncontrollably, perhaps not as violently though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMiamine you have helped me before so I want to thank you again. I never knew that about "a man who likes the taste of a woman is a man who loves and respects women a lot.." Yes, you are right he is much more accepting of my body than I am. In his eyes I'm perfect and I jokingly say I won't be that way forever, I'm going to get older. He responds by saying " my view of perfection will then change as well." I don't think I will ever be truly happy with my body unless my JLo but goes away and I have a flatter stomach. I know that I need to start loving myself because like my mom says, so girls wish they had curves like you..and I'm white...sooo. tehe lol And yes again, I am clean won't be smelling like a hospital though. hha
Cereberus, you mean you got so into it, you nearly had your nose into it? good for you but that wouldn't be good to result in something broken Thanks for all your thoughts. Does during oral to a girl improve over time? I'm guessing yes like anything else would,but I'm not sure. I'm still trying to understand why guys get so turned on by girls reaching orgasm or getting turned by what they are doing to them...
Lastly, dirtball...you have been so helpful and have reassured me so much about guys and performing this because I am still getting used to giving him oral as well. He is not pressuring me into swallowing but I do want to make him happy. Do you think I should try it? I'm just afraid if I get so overwhelmed by the amount or taste I may just spit it out accidentally.
All of you are great people and I can't truly thank you all enough for how much you have helped me. :)
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 July 2010):
Indeed... :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): 'When will us foolish women learn that there are guys that love us, all of us, just the way we are'
When? When us guys learn that we have to prove that to you not only by our words but by our actions, and we should never stop trying to prove that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): 'Why do you like the sounds, what about the taste do guys like?' Because it's the sound and taste of pleasure, put simply we're programmed that way. Some guys actually detest it but that's their problem.
'Why do guys find it a turn on for a girl to spit or swallow to begin with or even cum on their bodies? What intimacy do you feel?'
That's actually about dominance, power and a feeling of strength, as strange as that may sound. Again we're kind of programmed to feel that way (not all, as Dirtball pointed out). There is a certain sense of dominance to being allowed to cum all over a girl because it's a messy, sticky, and not at all pleasant bodily fluid that they're allowing us to spray all over them or into their mouth. It's a novelty to be allowed to do that but nothing more. Although there is a tendency in some guys to take it too far in my mind, guys who actually get off on demeaning women, it can be a form of fetish.
Personally while I've done it and it was fun, I prefer equality over dominance, the act of mutual pleasure, but it is nice to mix it up sometimes and have sessions where one partner gets to have anything they want and the next time it's the other partners turn.
Remember for most of us, giving a woman an orgasm is easily one of the best feelings ever, and the vagina is the key to making that happen. That's why we love it and everything about it. At the end of the day it all comes down to that.
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reader, dirtball +, writes (30 July 2010):
Thanks for the kind words Mia, and I agree with everything Cerberus said. To answer your follow up questions.
Why do I like the control over your pleasure?
You answered that. You love it. Like I said before. Building the anticipation can make that initial "dive in" that much more intense for her.
What about the taste do guys like?
Not sure. I think it has more to do with the association I have with the taste. I associate the taste with sexual excitement. It both gets me excited and is a display of her obvious excitement.
Why is it a turn on for a girl to spit/swallow/or be allowed to cum on her body?
When you swallow, it shows an ultimate acceptance of us. That is something that many women find gross. For someone to want to take it in their body is a very loving gesture. Also, if you let us finish in your mouth, you are prolonging the feeling throughout the orgasm, which adds to a more intense feeling. As for on the body, that doesn't do it for me much. Mostly it is a convenience thing. It's easier to clean up than having to do laundry. There is also the whole porn angle with this as well. It is something we've seen in pretty much every porno in existance. It naturally makes us want to try it.
What intimacy do I feel?
I almost feel more connected to my partner when I perform oral sex on her than I do having actual intercourse. Maybe it's just because I like it so much. Maybe it's because of the control. Maybe it's because my face is burried in the most private area on your body. I can't say for sure, I just know what I feel and when I feel it. I don't always know why.
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Hope that helps. Also, with regard to giving directions. I guarantee that the best sex is that with communication. Tell him what you like. You won't reget it!
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (29 July 2010):
Cerberus... nice guy too...
When will us foolish women learn that there are guys that love us, all of us, just the way we are..
Dear caller, please change your attitude and start loving yourself too..
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): Exactly what Dirtball said, I just want to add, that there are lots more reasons most of us guys like giving it.
Taste, smell, touch, sight, sound, pretty much all our senses are stimulated while we do it. Clean vaginas taste great, smell great, feel great, look awesome and the sounds of the act are also pretty cool.
The fact that it is a woman's most personal area makes it a privilege to be allowed to bury your face there and take it all in, most women I've been with were very self conscious of their vaginas and like you, didn't know how anyone could enjoy putting their face there.
Grooming wise it's about personal choice, your vagina, your choice. Trimmed makes it easier for us to access the fun bits though without choking on hair, but as Dirtball said we don't really care. Funnily enough I've only ever dated one woman who's actually gotten an mirror and taken a good look at her vagina, most girls have never seen theirs. She saw what I saw anytime I went down on her. She started trimming it after that, because like everything else she wanted to have an attractive looking vagina per her taste of course.
It doesn't kill the mood to give directions, it can be hard for us to gauge what works and what does not as each woman is different and audio cues differ. The main reason we do it is for your pleasure so it is up to you to make sure you show him what works and what doesn't so he can feel the immense satisfaction of driving you wild each time, it's such a good feeling.
If you don't or haven't masturbated, or you have but have never gotten to the point of orgasm, then you might want to experiment a little and see what works for you.
Look up some g-spot stimulation techniques too, a combination of the both oral and manual stimulation can lead to explosive orgasms, I've nearly had my nose broken before it was so intense.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (29 July 2010):
Hahaha... dirtball.. you like and respect women, and are a very nice man.. lol
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (29 July 2010):
They love the smell... a man who likes the taste of a woman is a man who loves and respects women a lot..
He seems to love and accept your body much more than you do.
Keep trim, and don't go overboard trying to disinfect yourself so you smell like a hospital. Smell has a big sexual hold over human beings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering "dirtball" lol. I understand what you mean by guiding him. I just feel like while its going on it would make him feel awkward if I'm telling him to go left, right,up,down, faster or slower. Grooming wise, thats what
I thought, the neatly trimmed idea. Why do guys like the control over how it makes us feel? I like it, just wanted to know. I like being controlled in those situations which he knows but I never admit. Why do you like the sounds, what about the taste do guys like? When I do oral I don't do the any of the " spit or swallow" stuff. I don't really like the taste, it accidentally happened one time. Why do guys find it a turn on for a girl to spit or swallow to begin with or even cum on their bodies? What intimacy do you feel?
Sorry for all the questions again; I'm just trying to understand how the common man thinks.
Thanks. :)
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 July 2010):
Ok, lots of questions here. I'll save the biggest one (the one in the title) for last.
Is it supposed to drive you wild?
It does to a lot of girls. There are a number of reasons why it might not have for you. You could have been nervous. He might not have been hitting your clit right. He might not have been varying his tongue movements enough, or too little. Since everyone is different it is hard to say.
What does he need to do to drive you wild?
Do you masturbate? If so, you should be able to guide him. Give him some directions. He will very likely not take offense to this. If you don't know what gets you off, then you need to find that out. Try different stuff. I can pretty much guarantee if he gets it right, it will drive you wild. Let him practice.
What can you do for him?
Personal grooming is really more for yourself and your confidence. I've never had a preference. I've dated girls who were all natural, and I've dated girls who shaved it all off. I prefer neatly trimmed, as less hair gets in my mouth, but ultimately it doesn't really matter.
The big question, why do guys like it?
Not all guys do. Many of us do though. I can't speak for all men, but I'll tell you why I love it. I love the control it gives me over her pleasure. I can tease by kissing her thighs, belly, gently on her lips (lower lips that is). I can drive up her anticipation. I love listening to how her breathing changes, or moans she may let out. I like the taste. I love giving her an orgasm. I like the intimacy I feel when I do it. I also like when it's reciprocated. Mainly, I love making the person I'm with feel loved, sexually satisfied, and accepted. I also love a girl who can tell me what she wants. Be that traffic cop telling me when to go left, right, stop, faster, slower, etc. That kind of communication often has led to mind blowing orgasms for my partners. Or so I'm told.
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