A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why does this keeps happening to me? what is wrong with me?Am all cried out! I've had 4 boyfriends who I felt really strongly about. I did everything a good girl would do. I wasn't easy, I stick to the rules and made them all wait a reasonably months before I got intimidate with them( I've only slept with 2 of my ex's).. I was honest, loyal, caring, loving, I work out regularly to keep in shape.. Guys think am gorgeous. But they all walked out on me, dumped me with no reason. I loved my recent ex very much.. Thought we were in love. But he cheated with 2 girls, then dumped me. He thought I'd never find out but I did after he dumped me. Now he's come back saying he's got a fuck buddy and wants to be friends with me cos he doesn't want a relationship. Wtf!! I said no!! Why does this keep happening to me? I have a good heart. Am loyal would never hurt anyone. Why do guys keep hurting me like this?Please don't say go have fun cos sex is a really big thing to me, I've gotta be inlove with a guy to sleep with him.xNow I don't even wanna look at another guy or get involved with them
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 I'll second everything YouWish said.
It's important to remember that if you pick the wrong guy, nothing you do can change what they'll do. There is no way to be an awesome enough girlfriend for a cheater to decide not to cheat, or for a jerk not to be a jerk. You need to pick a decent guy to being with, and that takes practice.
It's good that you wait to be intimate with these guys. It will minimize the damage when you pick the wrong ones. Look at the type of guys you're seeing, and consider switching to a different type.
A
female
reader, just trying to help +, writes (1 June 2011):
 its all about kissing alot frogs to meet prince charming! i know it sounds stupid but its true,you will find the right one
im sorry you havent had alot of luck with men
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): It's never a good idea to blame yourself. You are not responsible for other people actions, nor can you chAnge them.
If you were fast to jump into bed with them, I would say look into your actions, but you did everything properly. I would say it's just a bad luck. Take your time in choosing, that always helps.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 June 2011):
 You may want to re-evaluate what kind of man is attractive to you. Oftentimes when you hear of a woman seeming to find men who are abusive, or unfaithful, or addicted to something unhealthy, it's usually because they are inadvertantly attracted" to that type.
If all the guys you date hurt you like this, time to find a new trait to be attracted to. You might want to find a guy who may not be what you thought of as "your type", yet is loyal, loving, and steadfast. You have to re-write your "type", so to speak. Give guys who you might not be interested in a second look, and consider his family upbringing and dynamic.
Also, consider where you meet guys. Don't choose from a selection of skirt chasers at a club or bar. Also, your friends are a good sounding board in terms of seeing something in your exes that maybe you didn't see as a red flag.
As for your ex who wants to return and have a no strings attached sexfest, tell him to pound sand. No way should you go out and have meaningless sex with a man who doesn't respect you. He does not deserve you.
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (1 June 2011):
 You've just had bad luck when it comes to guys. I'm sorry that that's happened to you, but there's nothing wrong with you. Someone cheating says more about them than the person they're cheating on.
You sound like a great girl, and someone would be lucky to be with you. The guys you've been with have probably been immature or weren't looking to settle with one girl. I think it'd be a good idea if you took a step back from relationships for a while, focus on yourself and other aspects of your life and don't worry about your love life for the moment. Perhaps wait a couple of years when you think you can meet more mature men. I think it's good that you wait until you're in love to have sex, and I don't think you should change this. Stick to your principles.
When you're ready to be in a relationship again, hopefully you'll find someone who is mature and loving and cares about, and wants the same things as you. One good thing about having quite a few relationships that have gone badly is that you can probably now see what kind of person you'd look for, and what kind of person you wouldn't like anymore. Maybe all your exes share similar traits, and you need to be with someone different?
Focus on yourself, your education/work, your friends and family, and good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): Hi dear,
I understand how you must be feeling. I also went through the same thing. I am asking you to not to blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. You gave everything that took to sustain a relationship. You made a point to not to repeat the mistakes you did in your previous relationship, you loved them with your heart and soul. You were sure about your love and your future.
But tell me one thing, how much time did you wait before falling for your 2nd, 3rd and 4th relation? I mean how much time did you give yourself?
Frankly, We girls tend to find love in everyone around us.
I did the same. Fell for the first person who showed me even a lil bit of care and affection and ended up in a relationship with him realizing later he was using me. The fact is i did not give myself time. I was dying to be in a relationship. But it is wrong. You need to wait for that perfect guy. You need to test that guy first. Be his really really good friend. Get to know him, his friends and then think about a relationship or future with him.
Let them make you feel special and make sure they do not fool you. Let them know you are not something they can fool or cheat on easily. It is after being 99 to 100% sure about your next guy you fell for, to take a step further. :)
Hope my advice helps. Good luck and never think less of yourself. Self esteem and trust is the key to happiness.
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