A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help! Any Advice is greatly appreciated.For some reason i always get cheated on! Or there is always another female in the picture. I am not ugly. To be honest, i often get hit on alot of the times i go out. I am very attractive. I satisfy my partner both emotionally and sexually but for some reason. We always split up because of someone entering the relationship or a dumb reason.-Relationship 1: Lasted 17 months. I was cheated on for 6 months. He had a full blown relationship with another female.-Relationship 2: Lasted 8 months. He said he needed time to make things official. Such as meeting his mother which was going to happen but things ended because he said he wasnt ready.-Relationship 3: He would not let go of his side "groupies" i guess you could call them. One in particular.They all seemed like gentleman.I am not a promiscuous person. I am not a mean/spiteful person. I have morals, i am very kind, im outgoing, often the life of the party having jokes, i love to laugh. i just cant find that ONE. I am fairly young (18) but I often find myself crying and confused. Why cant i find the right one? Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Agz  +, writes (29 August 2012):
Its not you. Your picking the wrong guys. Play a little hard to get. And be quite observant, its not easy to find decent a person to spend the rest of ones life with.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 August 2012):
 Well first off I think it is important that you read an article by Anonymousmale1 to help you identify a player:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/10-situations-that-scream-hes-a-player.html
The next most important thing is to instigate a go slow at the start of any new friendship. Never be in a hurry to get too close to him at the start. Listen to him, have some outings with him. Look to see how keen he is to you.
I believe your summation of you in that you are not a promiscuous person. you are not a mean/spiteful person. you have morals and you are a very kind and outgoing person.
But sex has been a part of your relationships on the past. Slow things down.
Find out how committed he is to you. How? It requires you to delay providing sex early in the relationship. Yes you will lose a proportion of guys. You will lose the guys who have no qualms about cheating and no qualms about being players. And you do not need such guys, since they only cause you pain when they cheat.
The guys who are left and are willing to prove they can be faithful over the time as they date you, without sex for some times, will be the keepers.
Sex is lovely but from the sound of things this has been the reason the guys do not value you enough.
If you offer sex very early into the relationship the guy has hardy had to do a thing.
There is no challenge for him. Anything that is given too easily if often not valued.
Yes it will be far more difficult to interest a guy if you slow things down in a relationship. But look at it this way - it is a sure fire way to exclude the players and cheaters who will not stay with you unless you provide sex early on. but these same guys who require sex early on are also the impatient disloyal guys who are most likely to cheat.
And the only way to identify them is to refuse to offer sex early in the relationship. They players will walk. The ones who want to be cheaters will walk.
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