A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, we'll my question is who an why they ghost us, to me girls if a guy, treats you bad then ghost him, if he hits you ghost him, if he is a drunk, drug addict,ghost him, if he doesn't have time for you, but he does for his friends, ghost him.Why do girls ghost a guy who only treats them like a queen? A guy who never did anything wrong, but to make you feel like the most important woman in the world, so that is my question girls, when you never even got into a argument, he thought everything was going great, I know it works both ways, guys like to ghost women too
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2016): If only you could tell us a little more about your current ex, how it started and how it progressed.When and where did she start showing a lack of respect and how did it manifest?It could prove very enlightening.As for your ex who went back to her jailed man....well....she and he clearly have similar qualities of poor judgement.Perhaps theyre doing u-turns right now on the motorway even as i write this.Of course theyre likeable in an "Oh my God, they did ¿what? kind of way."But their behaviour is not a reflection on you in any way.So why does miss -shortterm missus depress you so much?Maybe because there is no anecdotal tale to tell at the end.You could hype it up to "oh what a night proportions" and end it with "and she just vanished into the night, not a word to anyone,not even a thankyou for all those wonderful orgasms i gave her, not even leaving a lipstick as a reminder of our nights of passion."I totally agree..all exes should express utmost gratitude for orgasms and should try to return them where possible because they are only borrowed inthe first place.Perhaps she has no manners or wasnt the correct person for you or had just exhausted her capacity to return orgasms on time to their rightful owner.Whatever it is there is no point in being bitter.I would mentally wish her the best of luck and keep on moving because your next flame may have more orgasm potential and a stronger ability to make happy memories that you can both share!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 June 2016):
 There are ghosters and there are non ghosters. Gosters will ghost you anyway, whether you treated them wonderfully, horribly or anything in between.
If , for whatever reason, they want out, they'll take the simplest, easiest, less bothersome ( for them ) exit.
If you ghost somebody you can avoid possible unpleasantness. Confrontations, rebukes, reproaches, anger, tears, long winded explanations. The dunpee will want a reason why and many times the reason is simply " I am not that into you ", saying which will hurt them and offend them , without totally satisfying them that THAT is the real reason : an only moderate interest or attraction.. They'll ask you to be specific, to justify WHY you aren't that into them in long details, to quote precise facts and sentences that have turned you off etc.
I am not defending ghosters because obviously they choose a rude, selfish and coward way to disentangle themselves. Own your actions, says I. If one has made an impulsive, misguided choice and ended up with someone who is not a good match for them, they should simply admit it : sorry, i thought we might be a good fit but we are not.
But , obviously ghosting is faster and easier and that's why it is so popular.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2016): I am the person who ask the question,four years ago, the woman I was in love with told me to my face it was over, after she cheated with her ex who just got out of jail, the one who beat her all the time, we'll I got more respect for her, then my ex who ghost me six months ago, it's funny I got more respect for the one who cheated on me, that's how I feel, at least she told me to my face, instead of the one , who didn't show me any respect, on how I treated her, I hope one day a guy does it to her so she knows how it feels
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2016): If a woman "ghosts" you then obviously she was not that into you. You can count on that. It is gospel. Women are all over a man they are seriously INTO. And if they were that INTO him they would not ghost him if the relationship ended. They would have a heart to heart.Now, as for being treated like a Queen? Well, perhaps that statement is a little over the top. Let's redefine it. And as a woman, I am going to give you the benefit of my wisdom and experience.I am 47. I have been dating a man in a long term relationship. We get along well and we share crazy, intense "fireworks" sex every time. We have this undeniable connection. I can love him and hate him all at once. It is not only physical although it is primarily sparked by the physical chemistry. We laugh at the same things. We also have some pretty wonderful conversations and enjoy our time together thoroughly. We just have fun with each other and seem to fit. He can say pretty much anything to me and vice versa. The problem is he is a commitment phobe. He is committed to me he says but he does not want to get married to me or anyone. He's been there and done that. And he enjoys our lives as they are. We are together but live separate. He feels that if we took it to the next level, it would get boring and I would get tired of him. So, in order to keep my interest, what does he do? Well, he plays a game. A game with my emotions. He has a little wall up. And he does not let me in. He lets me in just enough to keep me sweet. So that he can continue his fun. But when he does not see me, he has the wall back. He has a life away from me and I have no idea what he is doing all of the time. And he wants it that way. He wants me to be paranoid. On guard. He wants me to have that edge so that he keeps me interested in him. WHY? He tells me it is because I am a BEAUTIFUL, SEXY WOMAN who can have ANY man I want and I am with HIM. He feels I am too beautiful for him. He has always thought I am out of his league. And deep down I think he is insecure (but he would never admit that; God forbid he shows any weakness). Because he tries to be in control of our relationship and does things to manipulate me so that I question him all the time and am thrown off balance all the time. Therefore always feeling unsafe. Which fuels my need to CHASE him MORE. It is a vicious cycle. He feels if he gives me too much attention, I will get bored of it. But if he keeps me at arm's length, he is going to ignite my competitive spirit to chase him. To maintain my interest. I will wonder why is he not all over me? Why is he ignoring me? This is a common stategy players use. Pay attention/Ignore... Repeat. Repeat. However, if he sees he pushes me away FAR ENOUGH (it has happened more often than ever lately as perhaps I am tiring of his antics), he will go all out to reel me back in. He enjoys the ego boost. He enjoys controlling me. Manipulating my emotions. The way I make him feel alive and special. I suspect no other woman would ever do that. He knows that. And WHY do I do this? Because I am crazy attracted to him. I always was. But this man has this way of keeping me interested. By keeping his distance. By the hot-cold game he plays. I need to say though that the risk a man does encounter when running the hot-cold treatment is that the woman will get tired of it and tell him to go and f^ck himself. I do think this is what happens most of the time. Only most women would NOT last as long as I have. But the breaking point is near. Now, would he have my interest if he treated me like a QUEEN? Put me on a pedestal? Think about it. Maybe for a time. But perhaps I would eventually get bored. Not find him exciting if the shine wears off or no longer feel an edge to this "relationship." He wants me to be on the edge and he plays me so that I AM and I am convinced he also does this to keep my sexual performance at its peak. Which is where it has ALWAYS BEEN. He has never met anyone as passionate and as good in bed as me. WHY? Part of it is me. I suspect I would be this way with another man who was attractive to me. But part of it is the tension that is created in the relationship. The tension of not seeing him all the time. The tension of not being able to have him all the time. The tension of him showing me affection and then cutting me off. Making me question. Worry. OBSESS over him. This is what he wants. It is twisted unfortunately. I had a husband for many years. He was a doormat. Treated me very well. Let me do whatever I want. Now, some women love that. But as good as that is for a time, the problem will eventually be boredom and taking that person for granted. Women deep down want a man who can take charge. Has a back bone. Can stand up to them. Have "male" qualities which are primal and inherently masculine. I eventually felt like my husband was more like my brother. And this is the danger of relationships the longer they continue and the more familiar a person becomes to you. AND the more "attention" they give you. Your sexual fireworks fade into the background. It takes constant work to keep connected and sexually charged. Most of the time it proves impossible. Hence affairs and extra marital liaisons.So, if you want to know if women like to be treated like queens, let's redefine that. They like a man to PAY attention. To be there for them EMOTIONALLY. To stay connected to them. Not only when he wants sex. A woman will grow resentful of a man if he only amps it up when he wants her body and then puts her on slow simmer the rest of the time. No woman wants to be ignored. Or likes the feeling that he has dropped the ball. Or is just using her. Consistency in his actions is hugely important. So it is more about PAYING ATTENTION TO HER and being CONSISTENT. So, he's gotta put in more work than just keeping her sweet. He has to lower his walls and let her in. IF he has an emotional connection to her yet still retains his masculinity and sexual allure to her, he is golden.It is a fine line. You cannot go too much one way or too much another. Most seasoned men will know this.So, yes SHOW HER ATTENTION but not too much. Eventually if she does not feel safe with you or feels you are cheating or not committed to your relationship, she will leave for a guy who is.At the end of the day, women value relationships. And guys have to put in the work. If he thinks she is going to remain with him for just the good sex, he is going to have a rude awakening. She can actually get good sex AND a relationship with another guy rather than settling for just sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 June 2016):
 I don't think there are any "etiquette rules" for when you "ghost" and when you don't these days. For whom you "ghost" and whom you don't.
Personally, I'm not a fan of "ghosting" at all. I don't think taking 5 minutes to call someone and say:" hey I don't think we are a good fit, I wish you luck and I want no further contact." Even TEXTING, I find more appropriate. BUT I do understand why people do it in this age of swiping right or left.
By "ghosting" someone, you don't HAVE to personally "reject" them, you don't have to feel bad for going on to the next person.
And that is all "ghosting" is. Back in the day (not that long ago) it was considered the RIGHT thing to do to break up in person. Now? Over the phone, text or e-mail is quite common and... then there is "ghosting". Which is EVEN more common. And I think specially for women... easy. They don't HAVE to give an explanation, to hurt the other persons feelings (at least if they do they aren't aware of it) and they don't have to LIE.
And many people feel like if you "ghost" someone you don't WASTE your OWN time either. No need to think of the right time to call and talk, no need to think on what to say and no need to DEAL with the other person ever again.
So OP, instead of wondering WHY, look at your own behavior and consider if there are things you can do differently next time. Maybe she didn't feel a real and honest connection. And maybe she "ghosted" you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings ( yes, I know it's kind of hurtful when people think you aren't going to be hurt when they just drop of the "Earth").
And consider this, if they "ghosted" you, they aren't into you and not someone you NEED to keep investing your emotions and courting in. You are now free to move on to the next one.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 June 2016):
 I want to answer your question, and I want to be as thorough and specific to your issue as I can. The phrase "treat her like a queen" is so broad that it can't be answered by that phrase alone.
Can you answer some specifics? What is her age? How long did you date? What did you do that treated her like a queen? Was she in a long-term relationship shortly before you two started dating? How serious was the relationship? Had you two become sexually active? Were there family issues? Were either of you married? Do either of you have kids??
When you say "she ghosted me", how did she? Did she simply stop answering calls and texts, or did she block you off of everything like phones and social media? Did she move away suddenly, so she wasn't around? Had you ever gone to where she lives?
It may not have had to do with you at all. I had a customer who was so ashamed to see his girlfriend because he never told her of his financial problems after he was laid off. He didn't tell her he was laid off, and when he was evicted from his apartment, he ghosted her out of shame because she had no idea he was in such dire straights. That was an "ego ghost" on his part, which was a cowardly act since she was left to wonder what she did wrong when really he didn't tell her anything about what was happening to him. He even went to far as to talk about having to go to work in the morning, yet he would just go to a park bench and cry while looking for a job. In his case, I tried to convince him that if he loved her truly, he owed it to her to come clean and tell her it wasn't her fault. To this day, I don't know if he ever did that or not.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2016): Hi Anon Male,I believe the answer you are looking for is a complex one. Ambigious, and would need to be explained in a series of letters. However, there is hope that all women would like to be treated as queens. But unfortunately, not in Aunty BimBim response.I disagree with her.There are lots of women in the age range of 51-59, older, and younger who would love to be treated like a queen. I believe the real issue with the lady you are referring too....is that she is just not that into you. And that's her lost!I believe there is a thin line that separates and defines a woman. Sure, we all have the basic composition, however, real women are NOT in doctrine with the idea that pain is love. Or do real women believe that cosmetic makeovers replace self confidence. Lastly, real women EMBRACE the idea of virtuosity and virginity. A real women understands pain is pain and love is love. Pedestals, thrones, and kind gestures are all familiar to her.If, you are asking this question for yourself or someone else....there is a great book that addresses this ambigious issue. The Conversation by Harper Hill. The book discusses, that a healthy two person relationship must start from the MAKE UP of two healthy individuals.Therefore ghosting a man or woman because they treat you like a king or queen...is simply sick in perhaps that person is ill.A real woman knows that she deserves to be treated like a queen, and if she doesn't feel that way...then.. welll....you complete the sentence on what you want to call her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 June 2016):
No matter what they say, no matter how loudly they scream it from the mountain tops, no matter how much they've convinced themselves otherwise women DO NOT want a "nice guy." Its back to the alpha-beta thing again. Girls liking "bad boys" is a cliche for a reason. Just think about it yourself - how many times in your life have you seen an otherwise personable attractive girl just stick with a total asshole? More than you can count I bet. There is a reason for this.Especially when it comes to this, never listen to what women SAY, watch what they DO. Again, they will claim they want a guy to kiss their ass and treat them like a queen, then will dump any guy who does so the instant a more assertive, confident, and arrogant guy becomes available to them.Its no "fault" of anyone, its just evolutionary programming. A woman will seek out the best genetic material for her offspring (mating with the most dominant male available to her), and if she cannot keep this man for his resources, she will settle for a beta to provide for her, but always be open to the alpha sexually.Dont fight nature. Go with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 June 2016):
 Maybe they don't see "being treated like a queen" the same way you do, maybe it was all a bit too much a bit too soon, maybe these women who ghost found the experience too full on, and the only way to deal with it is too wipe it from their memories and forget they even met the person they are "ghosting" ......
The majority of women in a certain age group have already lived and loved and lost. If they have their heads screwed on right they know what they want from a relationship, and this, more often, is not to be treated like a queen or like the most important woman in the world. They don't want to be put on pedestals or wooed with grand gestures which they can't relate to. The majority of women in a certain age group are looking for somebody they can be themselves with, somebody to share laughter and to be on an equal footing with, anything else comes across as fake or trying too hard.
I hope that helps somewhat.
...............................
|
