A
male
age
36-40,
*ergil
writes:I don't quite understand what is going on. I try, so very hard to maintain a relationship. I always go into it with all the hope and care I can muster. Now I'm 26 years old, and I'm single. I've been beaten, broken, crushed, decimated, maimed, and annihilated.Every girl I have dated has always done the same thing. They start off great, we do everything we can with the time we are allowed. I am not pushy, nor forceful. Within time I get romantic, then it happens. They get strange, and become distant. Within a period of time the distance grows between us and they dump me. A shorter frame of time goes by and I discover they were cheating on me. When I question them about it they always lash out at me, attempting to cause some fragment of pain.My question is this..."why do girls complain about guy's cheating, yet they do far worse to the good guys?"
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female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (29 April 2012):
first question I have is, do you wear your heart on your sleave a bit? and are you maybe going for the wrong type of girl? I find it very hard to eblieve that all of the girls you are dating cheat on you.This might be a daft question but was you "in a relationship" it seems bloody hard these days to work out the difference between going on a few dates and being "in a relationship".Because of online dating now quite a few people these days seem to date three or four people for a few weeks and then settle for the one they like the most and has mutual feelings for, it seems to be the dating game these days. I dont agree with cheating and only 1 of my friends out of about 10 of us has ever cheated and admittedly we all gave her a really hard time about it.I am not saying what has happened to you is your fault but there may be things you can do to stop it from happenening and that is to go for the right kind of girl, dont call it a relationship to soon and dont be treated like a mug.Nice guys are in short demand so dont become one of those guys who have been cheated on and then decided that it is alright for them to act the same. Keep being a nice guy and you'll find your nice girls one day. We are out there, but it does seem it is becoming harder and harder to find nice girls and nice guys these days.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): A few things strike me about how you've phrased your question.
First off it seems to me the question you posed wasn't your real question, the answer to that one is simple guys and girls complain about anything that goes wrong for them or about being hurt by others, it's natural to want to vent, just like you just have.
Secondly the real question is perhaps what you're doing wrong. OP I'm always wary when people tell me they're a good guy, nice guy syndrome always pops into my head. Strangely enough the wikipedia article on that is quite good http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy
Unfortunately it doesn't give advice on how to combat it but that part is easy.
OP if you're continually getting walked all over by women then I can't see how that can just be bad luck, it's most likely a pattern of choices and behaviour.
You say you're not pushy or forceful, you may be the opposite then OP and that's just as bad, you may have no assertiveness at all and that's essential to have. Without asserting yourself you show a lack of confidence, you become boring and meek.
OP in general women like the idea of being swept off their feet, a guy who is assertive and confident can do that, in my experience of both success and failure most want to date a guy who is nice but exciting and confident in what he wants. They want a guy who has a bit of an edge, someone they can't easily figure out. I've dated girls for months based on curiosity alone, they weren't attracted me and couldn't see themselves in a relationship with me but they hung around because I was fun to date, spontaneous and showed enough desire that they just enjoyed feeling that wanted. I have had women grow a physical attraction for me through emotional attachment that way.
"They start off great, we do everything we can with the time we are allowed. I am not pushy, nor forceful. Within time I get romantic, then it happens."
That seems to be the wrong way around OP. You spend so much time with them early on and "within time" you get romantic? You should be romantic from the first date. You're not trying to make a new friend OP you want a romance and then perhaps you kill it off by spending too much time with them and by the time you get romantic you've already burned it out. By the time you get romantic they've probably already come to conclusion that you're boring and not really that interested and they become far more susceptible to guys who are more assertive.
"I try, so very hard to maintain a relationship. I always go into it with all the hope and care I can muster."
I hope that's just the talk of a person in the middle of break up pain because if that really is the case then you need to tone it way back. Dating is such an effortless thing OP. The only effort is thinking of fun things to do, taking her with you and making sure to get time alone to build up the intimate side.
OP there is nothing wrong with you as a person but you have to stop playing the martyr, hopefully I'm wrong and your question was more of a post-break up rant but this "poor me, why are women so horrible to me" crap won't wash.
So take your time and move past this bitterness and pain, use the time to examine patterns in your past relationships and see what you can do to better sweep them off their feet. Based on what you've said I say stop the "everything we can with the time we are allowed" stuff, take a more relaxed approach and let your date have time to absorb your last date and time build up a bit of longing to see you again.
Stop trying so hard, there is a thin line between that and desperation and neediness, especially if you spend all your time with them early.
Finally be romantic from the first date, show a desire for their company from the start, make her feel wanted as a woman you find interesting and beautiful and you show her that by wooing her.
If after dating you, girls feel the need to cheat on you then it's down to something lacking in how you approach dating, not you as person but you're technique and that's easily changed as long as you're willing to dust yourself and get out there again. By no means become an inconsiderate asshole but it would serve you well to understand the qualities than an "asshole" has that make them so appealing to women. Take some of those good qualities and add them to your dating technique while still being a nice and respectful guy, and you'll be far more successful.
Confidence, assertiveness and desire are the three things that breed the most success. Any time I've been too respectful and timid I've failed miserably.
Just don't give up and don't blame women, each girl you date should be a completely clean slate for which to try again, let go of your past failures and just keep going, keep adapting your technique to see what works and what does not. Dating is a craft, it can be learned. Some people are naturals at it, the rest of us have to learn through trial and error.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 April 2012):
 I agree with you on that one, I think it's a massive double standard that 'All guys are cheating d**kheads' when I know plenty of girls who are A LOT worse than my male friends.
Where are you finding these girls? Where have you first met them?
If you feel like you're doing all you can to make it work, then maybe you're just not compatible in the first place. There's obviously something that's triggering this behaviour in the girls you've dated, can you think what that could be? What's the last thing you do before they seem to become 'off' with you?
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