A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing this guy but i still had feelings for my best guy mate,he spent lots of money on me over xmas and took me out for meals etc. suddenly he just text last night saying we are "too different".. and thats ok, i was a bit gutted but I agreed. he likes dance music and i am more rock chic)..but whats worrying me is people say im pretty, smart and interesting to chat to. but every guy i go out with seems to "go off me" and give some excuse to me. is it just men? or is it the fact I still deep down love my best guy mate? he messed up my head so much because he doesnt know what he wants; i know it would never work with me and my best mate.. thats why I tried to move on (maybe it was like a rebound thing i do with other guys?)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Yeah it's very possibly a rebound thing.
You can't move on by dating guys, you have to do it the other way around, you have to move on first. You're probably not ready to date these guys and they probably can sense that.
Nearly every guy has had experience with rebound girls, because a lot of girls tend to think that the best way to move on is to find another guy. Believe me it's usually horrible for the new guy in that situation.
No matter what the guy does, the rebound girl will not let him get close, but will usually give him just enough for him not to lose interest. In the least it's frustrating, at worst the guy can end up falling for the girl only to realize he's been led on and that's soul crushing.
It's happened to me a few times, the first was the one I fell for but since then it's very obvious after a couple dates that the girl is on the rebound and I'm able to distance myself from the girl by politely and tactfully backing out of seeing them again.
Try and get over your love for your friend before you start dating again, because the next guy might be the one that falls for you and you know how painful it is to love someone who doesn't love you.
A
male
reader, Leonardo  +, writes (28 January 2009):
Could be several things. If you indeed are pretty, then take a look around at your image. You may give off signals that your are either desperate and/or a quick lay. Men will spend money on a girl if he thinks the girl will go to bed with him quickly.
You may be wearing clothes are too provocative or have a reputation that you will undress on the first or second date. It would be helpful to know if that is what you do.
If that is the case, men are just using you for sex - and whatever reason they give for leaving, its probably a lie.
You say "maybe it was like a rebound thing I do with other guys." That tells me you have a continual supply of boyfriends. I suggest you settle down, try and change your image to be a little more mature, and play hard to get. Don't be so quick to answer the phone from every guy that calls. Be slow and careful with your answers. Don't have long conversations. Be busy with homework, or have a "friend" to meet. Make him work to meet you, and wear something cute by not sexy.
Remember the words, "It's not about you personally, but I am just not ready (for a kiss, or whatever)". And if a guy tries to push you too fast, remember tears are a woman's most powerful tool against men.. "Don't force me to do something I don't want to do..(boo, hoo)". Believe me, that makes a major impression on guys. And if he really does like you, then for sure he will be back and he'll stay around.
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