A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do a lot of men like slutty-sexual type of women? Is it mostly just a sex thing or do they really care about these girls who are like that?I'm not a very sexual woman at all, and I only bring out that side of me when I'm in a long term relationship. Maybe that's just the problem here. I'm always loyal in relationships, I'm respectful and nice, I try to do my best to make a relationship work and it's like in the end guys never appreciate what I do and are more interested in being friendly and having fun and getting attention from the flirty and sexual girls. It's like they become bored with me.I've usually been left for or cheated on for girls who are very flirty and sexual. Girls who sleep around, cheat, don't seem to have morals, have bad reputations, just want to have sex, those type of girls. Why is this? I just don't understand it. Is this what guys look for in a girl?Do I change my ways and become more like these girls and give guys what they really want? Or do I stay the way I am and continue to get left for and cheated on? I don't want to be the type of girl who gets labeled with bad names but it seems like that's what girls have to do to keep a guy interested and in their life.I know I may sound stupid but is this just a sex thing with guys or do they really care about those type of women? Is a sexual, slutty, flirtatious girl what most guys want and look for?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): Shrodingers cat, if I could give you TEN stars I would have. You hit the nail on the head.
OP- why does it matter to you what other women are doing in THEIR sex lives. You do what you are comfortable with, and find someone who complements you. It could just be that you were with guys who wanted more varied sex lives, or it could be that the relationship ran its course. If you were cheated on its because the men who cheated on you were ass hats. Plain and simple. Instead of putting the blame on the OTHER women who dont own you jack, try taking a better look at your life, your goals and the the type you men YOU go for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): There are three separate points to make here:1)I've usually been left for or cheated on for girls who are very flirty and sexual.Is this what guys look for in a girl?The short answer is, it depends on the guy. You don't need to fit every guy's ideal of the perfect woman. You just have to fit the bill for the right guy for you. So it doesn't matter what some guys for, the guy who is compatible for you will love you for who you are.2)'I'm not a very sexual woman at all'What do you mean you are not very sexual? Without more information I can't really say much but I think this is the real issue you need to focus on.Do you mean you have a very low sex drive compared to the guys that you've been with so far? Do you mean you don't have sex until you're sure it's a long term relationship? Do you mean you're not flirtatious? Do you mean that you feel you're not as 'sexy' looking as these other women?If you clarify what you mean then I'll be able to help you more.3) It sounds like you really have a few hang-ups about sexuality. You refer to women who express their personal sexuality as 'slutty, flirtatious, who don't seem to have morals, have bad reputations and just want to have sex.Where do I even start?It saddens me that society still (including other women) condemns women for expressing their sexuality as every man and woman has an equal right to. What is a slut? A WOMAN who enjoys having sex with no strings attached sex because she hasn't found the one person to commit her life to yet?The fact that you condemn women who are confident to fulfill their sexual needs makes me think you consider sex as potentially dirty. As a result, when you were with your partners - you were always conscious of doing only what you consider 'proper' and tame without wanting to experiment with new positions, ideas etc that you weren't familiar with. This might be why your fellas got bored. Not every guy cheats just because he's met a sexually confident woman. But many guys will cheat (not condoning it) or leave you if you are too formal and not exciting sexually. After all the difference between your friends and your boyfriends is that you have intimacy with the latter. I'm not saying sleep with every guy available. I'm saying do not judge those that do. It's their right and their choice. By all means have sex with someone you are comfortable with, but find out what stimulates them and within reason, do as much as you can to please them in the same way they will do as much as they can to please you.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 June 2013):
 The opposite of my opinion would be that the OP -IS- here on this planet just to get male attention and her self-worth is directly tied to how much male approval and attention she gets. Her ONLY worth is how attractive she is to men.The opposite of my opinion is that how much attention she gets from men is how much self-esteem she should have, and what other people do in the privacy of their bedrooms IS her business even if she isn't the one sleeping with them.The opposite of my opinion is that having sex makes you a s^^t, even once, because having sex is immoral and everyone should judge how good a person is by how little sex they have. Anyone who has sex is a s^^t, because sex is bad and everyone should know how much sex you have and with whom you sleep with, because it IS everyone's business who you're having sex with.Now tell me, how is that not disrespectful, especially to the OP? Do you REALLY think she needs to be told those horrible things? If you want to be respectful, female anon, then be respectful. Don't disrespect the OP and myself and then try and cover it up by saying "I mean no disrespect." That's a cop-out if I've ever heard one.Sorry female anon. You apparently weren't brave enough to post under your REAL name here so that no one could see how judgmental you are and vote you down for it, and I totally understand why. If I had that kind of attitude towards sex and people in general, I wouldn't want anyone to know who I was either.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (8 June 2013):
 Hi
Do these so called 'slutty' girls call you an ice maiden or a snob? No probably not, they are too busy enjoying themselves to worry.
If all you do is to get male approval then you need to find other things to pass your time. Most men your age don't want a sensible wife type yet they want a girl who lives a little.
How somebody is sexually is no reflection on their character, just because they like sex doesn't mean they're bad, male OR female. Nor does not liking sex make you bad. So don't judge them, focus on enhancing your life in other ways you do enjoy and you may meet your match.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): Sorry, no disrespect to, but I have the total opp opinion of shrodingerscat. Be proud that you don't feel you have to be overtly sexual in order to get male attention. The men who go for these types of women are not worth bothering with anyway as it is likely they are exactly the same!
They are only interested in them for one reason. Far better to keep yourself away from all that or if you do truly want a guy who likes the overly sexual type of women then insist he gets checked first! :p
Just keep on being you, I am sure you will meet a guy you respects you and himself at some point soon :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): Let me answer your question with a question: Why do girls always fall for the jerks and douche guys? Why are the nice guys always being ignored, or cheated on by girls?
My point is, the life isn't fair, there is not much we can do to change it. But we can't give up either.
It's a very good thing to look for a long term relationship, but girls can be a bit scary when they expect the guy to commit. Just hook up with guys, go with the flow and don't push for it. If the guy is the one, it will naturally happen.
And never ever try to change yourself. Because you can't. Guys may think you are trying to deceive them by pretending to be something you are not. Just be yourself and let your real match find you.
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A
male
reader, droberts7357 +, writes (8 June 2013):
I think men have two very different phases we go through with women. When young we want hot, sexy and dangerous women just like some women like the bad boy. When we decide to settle down we tend to switch our type to the stable, reliable, bring home to mom type. Exciting girls get lots of action , but I don't know how many proposals.
If you are not the slutty flirtatious type don't despair. Try to make male friends, enjoy your life and see if a good guy in the right mode comes across your path at the right time.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 June 2013):
Slut-shaming. I've spoken about it multiple times here on this site and every time I see it, it makes me feel so sad and disappointed.Slut-shaming is the act of putting down a woman for enjoying the same sexual freedom that men have enjoyed for decades. What most people don't seem to understand is that having sex is not a morality issue, and it's also none of your business. Having less/no sex does not make you a better person than someone who has more sex than you...because sex in no way affects a person's human worth.Human beings are human beings, and everyone deserves the same respect as everyone else due to their humanity. Whether they have had no sex, a little bit of sex, or lots of sex, they're still PEOPLE.I've noticed that a lot of women who slut-shame do so because of bitterness and jealousy and their own lack of self-esteem, and will try and find ANYTHING to put down other women who get more attention than them. Well, you weren't put on this planet to get male approval and attention. Your self worth should not be defined by how much male attention you get. Your own lack of self-esteem is affecting your love life, and instead of addressing that directly, you are misdirecting your own self-hatred onto other women.RuPaul said recently: "Derogatory slurs are ALWAYS an outward projection of a person's own poisonous self-loathing." and truer words have never been spoken. Take that phrase to heart. Instead of directing your venom onto other people, taste your words before you spit them out.Instead of making sex a morality issue, and thinking that male approval is how you define your self-worth, stop projecting your self-hatred onto innocent people and work on your self-esteem in positive ways. You can find self-worth without putting down other human beings. I'm sure you'd hate to be called names just because another person felt bad about themselves...practice the Golden Rule and treat people the way you'd want to be treated.Involve yourself in your community, volunteer, take an interesting class, find a part-time job. Do something that will help you build your sense of self-worth and find your self-esteem. Remember: Male approval is not human worth. You are a worthy person because you are a PERSON, regardless of how many men pay attention to you.
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