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female
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*ouise74
writes: Hello, i posted on here a few months ago about a , now ex, and how things went wrong.I did care and love him but i realise he just didnt have the same feelings as myself.Its been hard to accept,but somedays arent as bad as others.He always said there was no-one else,but i went away with some mates to the middle of Norfolk and would you believe. there he was arm in arm with a beautiful woman.What i can't get over is why he lied about this,why not just tell me the truth that he had someone else all along?yes it would of hurt but i would of had more respect for him.I have met a guy just recently after months of heartache,but i cant give him 100% of myself as im still so cut up about what happened with the ex-i truely loved him.How do you move on?
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female
reader, Mba +, writes (24 July 2006):
Hi there,I so know what you are going through and i am so sorry for your pain.My situation is slightly different because i know my partner doesnt have anyone else - which in a way makes the pain even harder to bear - he simply feels that we are not right for eachother and would not make eachother happy long term..... after 4 1/2 years this is very hard to accept....I'm not saying our realtionship was perfect - i dont think they exist - he just thought we had naturally run the course....i can only take solace - that he didnt realise what we had together and finding something as sopecial is incredably hard.I'm sorry you feel such a loss - but you must take comfort in the fact that you deserve better than a partner (or x partner) who would lie to you - or feel you were not making him happy. things happen for a reason and i know that somsone perfect who will think you are the most special creature in the world is waiting....we need to be strong and remember that with every passing day we'll feel better about things and learn to love the new life we have... the exciting things that are yet to come and the new memories we are going to go on and make.Chin up and smile.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): Hi, it is very difficult to move on. I was in the same situatioin my fiancee of 8 years told me she loved me but was not in love with me she made me feel realy guilty. She lied too as she had secretly met someone else. Time is the best healer you really have to believe, despite all the good memories, that you are better off now. I keep telling myself that I have my future back now (as it clearly wasn't going anywhere) and that helps a bit.You know he didn't have the same feelings for you, so really he doesn't deserve your love. It helps if you try to get angry but this is something you may find difficult to do, especially if you still have feelings for your ex.The truth is allways best and it is really terrible your ex couldn't have been honest...they think it helps if they lie and cushion the blow...but it doesn't because when you find out it only hurts more. When I found out my ex had been lieing I confronted her and said the most important thing is the truth, and if she had just said she had met someone else and thought she had a future their then I suppose I would have at least understood, it still would have hurt like hell, but when someone you love lies to you it's crippling when you find out. When I said to her in years to come, when I think back of all the great time's we had together I will only remember you for being such a liar she burst out crying. You could try this approach with your ex, I doubt he will cry, but it may make you feel better if you havn't had it out with him already. I doubt you will ever be able to trust anyone again after what you have been through, and don't rush into another relationship too quickly if you aren't over the ex, as it probably will fail because your still cut up.You have to accept it's over with the ex. You couldn't trust himn anyway even if he were to come back, try not to forget this. Don't rebound I'm told it doesn't work. Difficult as it may seem tell yourself your lucky to be out of a relationship that was going nowhere, that may not help you immediately but time will heal you I am sure of that. Your a better person than the ex and you will be able to move. Good luck with it!
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