A
male
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anonymous
writes:I met this girl in August and we hit it off straight away. So we started going out on dates, going to the cinema, meals out ect, which would always end up with us passionately kissing and cuddling till the early hours. We even performed oral sex on each other and i brought her to orgasm, to which she replied, " why do you have to be so good at that". We always refered to each other as friends, which anyone can see these are not the actions of friends. She was always the first one to text to do something, which i would sometimes leave a while before replying. Over the last month i have been away on a course with work, and she has been away abroad visiting her sister. Ever since she has been really despondant with replying to texts, like a week around. During this time i don't text her, but she does eventually reply back to me. The last time was a week and a half, she replied Saturday evening with a bundle of questions like what have i been upto ect and two kisses. I replied Sunday lunchtime, and most of that day we were batting texts back and fouth. I asked her if she fancied going to the cinema to see this film, and she agreed which i was really happy about. So we go to see this film last night and all was good, a little awkward i guess as we had not seen each other in a while. We both enjoyed the film, shared a coke with the one straw ect. The i took her home, she said that she just wants to be friends and nothing more, which then forced me to say i thought we were friends anyway, i have never ever seen you in that way at all im totally surprised you felt you had to say this. Then she seemed upset and said, why is there something wrong with me, then it went on from there, She gave me a kiss and cuddle and got out, and i drove home feeling very confused indeed. I mean why the cinema, then lay that on you at the end of the night. Why not a quick drink somewhere, or not even contact me at all i feel would have been better. Any suggestions as to why she did this would be great, thank you.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 November 2012):
 Maybe she didn't realize how she felt about you until after the cinema. Maybe she wanted to see you one last time to make sure there wasn't anything there? Who knows, you need to ask her this. But most likely she didn't plan it. It's like with one of my ex boyfriends, when he dumped me. He came to my place, were were making dinner together, we had planned to bake buns together and we were having a good time, then suddenly, right after eating, he burst the bubble. He'd been wanting to break up with me for a while... Yet that was how he decided to tell me?!?! People do crazy things because they don't think it through. At least you weren't in a relationship and that was how she dumped you. You were just friends, so if you really had no feelings for her why are you so upset about it? I'd understand if you were in a relationship and she took you to the movies and then dumped you, but after all, you and her were "just friends" and she was just confirming your staus quo.
Being dumped after a home cooked meal right before you're supposed to bake buns.. Now THAT is something that makes me want to know "what was he thinking???". That's no way to dump someone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers, what i can't understand is after a week she was the one who again instigated contact with me, finishing the text with two kisses. And why agree to go the cinema with me. If i was going to be giving someone the whole just friends thing i would never arrange to go to the cinema with them. I would have respected her more if she just wanted to meet me for 5 or 10 minutes somewhere, or just diden't get back in touch with me atal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): Why are you confused and surprised? You said you only ever saw her as a friend anyway... What did you want, for her to have fallen head over heels for you and be chasing you while all along you knew just what you both were?
Kinda sounds to me your ego got hurt more than anything else, and maybe you were disappointed that she ended it before you did...
With all due respect. I wasn't being arrogant or rude with this response. Just telling it as I see it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 November 2012):
Just goes to show guys shouldn't put out either. Don't do sexual stuff with a girl who's not youe official girlfriend. Sounds like she was never into you, but just took advantage of a casual fling, since you were good at oral. Sorry. If she had real feelings for you she would have been your official girlfriend by now, instead of this "we're just friends". You know, girls are a lot like guys. If a girl puts out too soon a guy might write her off as girlfriend material, because she's so easy to get into bed. She becomes just a FWB. The same thing happens the other way around, believe it or not. At least, if you would have held back on the sex, you would have known a lot sooner whether she actually liked you or not. Now all you're left with is... you were great at giving oral, so she kept you around. Friends don't give each other oral sex... You know that, I know that, she knows that. She still wants you to go down on her, just doesn't want you to think you have a chance of a relationship with her. Sorry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): Hey, I think she was fishing to find out, if you thought of her more than a friend and by your reply which I must say was rather cutting, don't you agree? She got your answer...But I think though she been hurt, your ego been somewhat bruised, she got there first with friend zoning you... I agree with old bag, that her time away has given her time to reflect over the situation, and that is why she was reluctant to reply etc.. You do come over I'm sorry to say as a player .Look you come over as liking her but wanting no commitment as in bf material if that the case then just leave her alone, I think you've done more damage than you think or even more than she would say..If you like her, like her, tell her.. If you don't then I will say again leave her be as honey pie says..
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 November 2012):
 YouWish posted a perfect response to another man who asked a similar question some time ago.
You acted like a boyfriend and encouraged her to act like a girlfriend, then claimed you were both just friends. She followed your actions and probably assumed that your claim was just a face saving way of not jinxing or rushing something that was developing into something serious quite nicely on it's own.
Anyway, YouWish pointed out that all that cluddling, all the intimacy (both sexual and non sexual) is what COUPLES do, not friends. Once she realised you weren't interested in being a couple, she decided to treat you as a friend.
Don't kid yourself into thinking men who want FWB aren't interested in a commitment. In fact they are, but they want the woman to make it while they enjoy all the freedom of a bachelor. You can't have it both ways.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (22 November 2012):
 Hi
The way you have behaved sexually, plus dating,since August and getting on well, SOUNDS like a girlfriend/boyfriend or FWBs situation.
Maybe the month away you had made her wonder where she actually stood,perhaps she was trying to find out? Or maybe she met somebody while she was away and wanted to still be 'available' to them or others.
If YOU see her as just a friend then stop the kissing cuddling or any kind of physical contact.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 November 2012):
 If you are looking for a GF, not a friend - then I would cut the contact.
If you want to JUST be friends with her, no more cuddling & kissing.
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