A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I just wonder what people think about a situation I've found myself in as my instincts are telling me one thing and I'd just like to know if anyone comes to the same conclusion.I met a girl a few months ago, we got along really well. She is an international student and will only be here for 1 year. At first we were just friends, but she seemed to talk about casual relationships quite often. saying that as an international student a serious one wouldn't work, and its better to just have fun while abroad. She told me she didnt like the idea of relationships as its only with the seriousness than people can be betrayed, and she had been before, so thought if its not serious, there can be no pain when it ends.We met more times and i started to like her, and again she brought that topic up, so i asked her if she would like to try with me and she said yes. This had been going on for a few months and i felt it wasn't a spur of the moment thing, it seemed to be the direction our relationship was going at the time.However from the moment she said yes, she said she couldn't sleep. she seemed upset. she told me she was drinking and didnt want to drink with me in case she told me her "secrets".Eventually she said she made a mistake and she felt like she was too bad and cried a lot. so we decided to just be friends. i could feel something wasn't right from the start (i've never met a girl who would choose a casual relationship over a serious one, especially with me (utterly average looking)), but she seemed really great so i thought i would just see where it goes.But I'm just wondering what the possible reasons for this could be? I feel like she has a boyfriend back home and it was only approaching the act of actually cheating that she realised what she is doing and felt guilty.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2021): When you're students, particularly if you're a foreign-student, it's impractical to start serious relationships you'll have to suffer over at the end, when you'll have to go your separate ways. I think she was being sensible.
It's just as bad to put yourself through a grueling long-distance relationship; with no hopes of either of the couple immigrating to the other's homeland. The expense of travel, and trying to conduct a romance between devices. Two healthy youngsters; with all the temptations in the world knocking at your doors! There's all these hot people in close proximity; while your love is hundreds or thousands of miles away!
She was probably sensing that you were growing too attached; and she spared your feelings. She may have a boyfriend back-home; but that's one of the pitfalls of long-distanced relationships. You'll be tempted by people who are closer and easily accessible.
When some people get tipsy, they may overshare; or get sentimental, and divulge too much information. She knows herself, she's far from home; and she seems to have a strong sense of survival. It's not wise to be too vulnerable under these circumstances.
She claims to have secrets; and in some instances, that's a warning. Keep your feelings in-check.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2021): Distance yourself. This person is messed up and taking you along for the ride. To me, it seems clear that she had sex with you to escape her real life while she is abroad and then felt guilty for hurting her boyfriend/husband. Her secrets are that she is committed to someone else. She is a terrible person. A liar. And a deceiver. Selfish. I could go on. So what if she felt guilty? She still did it and strung you along and now she is messing with you even further. Sadly guys get strung up in messed up women's webs because they think with their penises. Good for you for waking up. You should have done it before having sex with her but your logical mind and conscience is telling you something is wrong, and you are right about that. She is only using you OP. Don't let her. There is never anything casual about casual sex. We are human after all and we will get hurt even though we tell ourselves it means nothing. Sex never means nothing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 November 2021):
 For one, I think trying to have a casual fling with someone you would really want to date, is a waste of time. YOUR time.
When you know they are only going to be in your neck of the woods for less than a year, what's the point?
Secondly, she sounds dramatic and odd. Either she wants a casual fling or not.
What her motives are is impossible for us to guess, but I do think it could be a BF or fiance at home. Or she was brought up with stricter rules (aka no sex before marriage).
Either way, if you want a GF, don't waste your time on this one.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (19 November 2021):
 I can't help but feel that the reason she was acting like this was your feelings for her and stronger than what hers were for you.
She sounds very complicated, serious, and rather secretive. To not want to have a drink with you in fear that she will blurt out her secrets are quite worrying and would make most guys think twice about entering into a relationship with someone like this.
Entering into a new relationship with someone should be a lovely happy time, and she acted like she had the weight of, the world on her shoulders. Again this is quite worrying, and a red flag as well.
Everything happens for a reason OP, so maybe just think to yourself you dodged a bullet here by not getting into a relationship with her. She sounds way to complicated to be getting involved with. I think she is either not reciprocating your feelings, or she has a boyfriend, or even husband.
None is this is your problem OP, i would be inclined to wish her well and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (19 November 2021):
It doesn't matter the why the reason is. She told you from the beginning that she wouldn't be venturing into serious relationships because she will only be in the country for 12 months. She also told you she didn't like the idea of a relationship also. Why didn't you believe her? Why persue a realtionship? Then for her to act immature and emotionally crazy over it is a big red flag.
LEAVE HER ALONE and save yourself from this mess.
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