A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goes. Let me start off by saying I love my girlfriend and she loves me. She's 21 and I'm 29. The age thing rarely bothers me. (Only when she wants to go to her younger brothers for parties and such. He's 19 and I'm to old to be a house parties with 16 year old girls). What does bother me is this. We "hung out" for several monthes before we started offically dating. Now at the time she told me she wanted to wait 3 months after we started dating to sleep together. Then one night she came over (we were just "hanging out" at the time) and proceeded to tell me how she slept with her friend (twice) who she said is like a little brother to her. We have been dating for 6 months now and I feel like she cheated on me. We had to wait 3 months after dating to get intimate but he never even took her on a date. She has made it clear she didn't think we were dating so it wasn't cheating. I feel like she did. And its still hard for me to deal with. I find myself doubting her fedelity. I love her so much but this is ruining my relationship. Am I overreacting?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): In other words, she will have casual sex with other men, but not with you? I would not want to be in a relationship with someone like that.
Also, people don't have casual sex with their younger brothers. She was obviously very attracted to him sexually or she wouldn't have had sex with him. Period.
You are the one who is like a brother to her. The other guy is the one she wants to have sex with. I'd move on and find someone better.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Also... yes she cheated. When you are dating one person and then sleep with another that is infidelity plain and simple.
She may not have classed you as dating, but you did and so she needs to understand that to you, that makes what she did cheating no matter how much she might want to wait for intimacy between you.
You need to have a big talk to her to see if you can move beyond this.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Perhaps she views those other times as a kind of mistake? And she wants to wait because she wants the first time you two are together to mean something.
Why don't you ask HER?
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012):
It's pretty simple.
Her value system allows casual sex, but she is willing to pretend to have a stricter value system if it serves her purposes. She played "chaste girl" with you because she stood to benefit from being a chaste girl in your eyes.
She slept with the other guy without a relationship because she wasn't trying to make him think she had those values. Since those are not really her values anyway, she had no problem going against them at the time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Yes your over-reacting. I understand your feelings though, but until you make it official and exclusive, each person is free to do as they please. It seems to me that you feel slighted because you had to wait to become intimate with her. As women we are always told that if you want a relationship with a man, make it official first and then wait for a period of time before becoming intimate, as then you have better chance of being seen as the woman he wants to be in a relationship with. It is entirely possible that the reason she made you wait is because you are the one she wanted as her boyfriend, which you now are. If you weren't official then no she didn't cheat on you, and doubting her fidelity because of what she did when she was single is only going to drive you crazy and ruin what you have.
My advice is calm down, take a deep breath and try to focus on what you have together.
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A
female
reader, itcantjustbeme  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 I don't think you're overreacting, but I do think there are two sides to the coin here. She might have honestly not believed you and her weren't together and exclusive. She said the guy was like a brother, which just to her might have meant they were close.
Some girls have different ways of persuing different guys. Some guys may only have to know a girls name to get the cookie, while other guys have to defeat dragons for a second date.
I think you should take to heart that she wanted to get to know you first and make the relationship you both have based off more than just sex. She might have saw something more in you than she saw in her friend.
But if this is severely bothering you, have you made that known to her? Not in a jealous and aggitated way, but just an understanding on how you feel? If you haven't, you should concider it. You may feel better because it will probably ease your resentment.
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