A
female
age
26-29,
*-staar pink
writes:Dear Agony Aunts, i broke up in July last year (2017) with my boyfriend (I’ll call him M) i loved very much because i felt he had fallen out of love with me and two weeks later, he got a new girlfriend (I know because i came back to him so we could fix things up and he said that to me)The real issue is this; on the 6th of this month, I met « D » his bestie or bro (as they call themselves) when i went to a restaurant to order food. We breifly talked and i jokingly complemented the sweater he was wearing because that was the sweater i offered to M when we were dating. (I knew who D was because M always talked about him when we were dating though I never met him because at that time, D was schooling in Switzerland.)We exchanged snapchat handles and he left. On snapchat D offered to take me out on a date and asked for my number but i told him straight there will be nothing between us because his bro M is my ex.Two weeks later, D texted me and told me M gave him my number when he explained things to him and he was okay with D being with me as long as he doesn’t hurt me.I want to be precise that the day before i met D, after 2 months without contacting each other, I called M to come pick me up at the club when i was drunk and we had sex (i feel nothing for M. For me, it was just sex). I’m pretty sure M told these details to D!So now, I’m confused. Is this right? I mean dating your ex’s close friend. And also, why on earth did my ex give D my number? N.B: D has never known me, heard of me or seen me till that night we met at the restaurantI don’t know what to do. D is a nice guy but I’m afraid of doing something wrong. Help please.
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female
reader, s-staar pink +, writes (27 April 2018):
s-staar pink is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your advice. I really appreciate?? you helped me in taking my decision. I just told D I’m not comfortable with this situation and told him we should cut contact. He was very understanding.
I really would have preferred he wasn’t my ex’s best friend :(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2018): Okay, perhaps I may have misunderstood. Re-reading your first post, it seems you're already suspicious of his (D's) motives. I go back to the suggestion that he may have given him your number to see if you'd quickly go for the bait. It could be a scheme between them to slut-shame you.
It's odd that an ex-boyfriend gives his best-friend his blessing to date his ex-girlfriend. Having a new girlfriend or not!
Boy, he must have really hated you; to just pass you off to a buddy with no feelings about it whatsoever?
I still think it's too close for comfort; and a guy's best-bud is often looking-out for his bro. To be honest, who wants to be in the middle of a post-breakup drama? I'd stay as far from my bro's ex as possible, just out of principle.
How can D remain neutral and keep it to himself; if say you and he have a disagreement. He's going to run it back to his buddy (M), your ex; who will no doubt offer his opinion and advice. Then what? You'll leave yourself open for them both to turn on you!
As for sleeping with your ex after he was already with his new girlfriend. I'm not a dummy, I do know how to read.
"I called M to come pick me up at the club when i was drunk and we had sex (i feel nothing for M. For me, it was just sex). I’m pretty sure M told these details to D!"
I'm sure he told him too. If he got a new girlfriend two weeks after breaking-up with you, and I did the math, that means the post-breakup sex occurred when he was with his new girlfriend. So I'm not off by much; when I say that was vengeful-sex. What else could it be, if you had moved-on and was done with all this drama?
If he was a decent guy as you say, he'd stay neutral and wouldn't get in the middle of this mess. That's all I'm saying. I wouldn't give D anything to run-back and tell his bro about me either. Do you get MY point?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2018):
 If you like D then maybe go on a few dates with him and see how you get on. Personally I would avoid him as I think he is to close to your ex and that it could get awkward if you both got in to a relationship. But that is just what I would do personally!
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A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (26 April 2018):
 I found your letter a bit confusing to read with all these capital letters instead of names - however - the fact that your ex boyfriend gave your phone number away to his friend is another way of saying " She's not mine anymore, here you can have her". Taking that into consideration you don't don't owe anybody any explanations. Do not be afraid to hurt your ex boyfriend - he gave your phone number away - so what does he expect !? Just carry on with your life and if you want to date this new boy then go ahead and enjoy it - stop complicating things. You're not doing anything wrong. Try to think of this another way .... would you have given your boyfriends phone number to your best friend after you split up ? I doubt it very much ! And why? Because you wouldn't want your best friend tempting your ex boyfriend into her arms. See what I mean ?
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A
female
reader, s-staar pink +, writes (26 April 2018):
s-staar pink is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWiseOwlE i think you didn’t get it. I’m not looking forward to break M’s new relationship! I don’t want him back anymore and M knows that. I don’t know why i called M that day (He is the one who offered to come pick me up at the club though) but I’m over him and I don’t care.
For D, It was just pure coincidence when I met him at the restaurant and he decided to chat with me. Nothing was planned.
The real problem here is that I’m confused. I’m tempted to consider D but i don’t know what D’s intentions are. I don’t want to be ridiculous in the long run. This is a whole crappy situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2018): Post script:
Let me correct my statement: "You only threw yourself at him (M); so you'd have ammunition to sabotage his new relationship." Sorry, confused M with D!
Not intentionally, but subconsciously; you want to show his new girlfriend you can still get to your ex. Payback, I guess?
Give yourself more time to sort-out your feelings. Don't date D until your ex is out of your head. He might be fine with it; or just testing you to see if you'd do it.
I don't like the smell of this. Nor do you!
He got a new girlfriend two weeks after breaking-up with you. Seems he just wants to make her feel better that you've got somebody. He can also rub your nose in the fact you dated his bro. That gives him some insurance, if you decide to tell his girlfriend you two had sex. Makes you look slutty. Not that you would be, but he can twist it that way.
If you do decide to hangout with D, delay having sex. You're too vulnerable; and feeling a little vindictive. Vengeance backfires in these situations. There's just too much room for drama at this point.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2018): Your ex said he's fine with it. How wonderful of him!
I think he was just pushing someone on you to make sure you don't mess-up his new relationship. If you've had post-breakup sex; he knows you're still holding feelings, and he wants to be able to throw it in your face you slept with his bro.
You only threw yourself at him (D); so you'd have ammunition to sabotage his new relationship. You'd gain nothing by doing so. It will just cause a lot of drama. She'll take him back to keep him away from you. This whole scenario is totally predictable nonsense!
It's just post-breakup rebounding and head-games. Very immature all the way around! Quite silly, indeed!
I think dating M is too close for comfort. He'll throw it in your face someday you couldn't wait to jump in the sack with his bro.
Your feelings are too raw. You were so vulnerable, you slept with your ex while drunk; and that shows sloppy poor judgement. You're not ready to date anybody!
No, you shouldn't date his bestie. No you shouldn't have sex with an ex (who has a new girlfriend); and you should keep your head on straight, and get a grip on yourself.
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A
female
reader, s-staar pink +, writes (25 April 2018):
s-staar pink is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Honey Pie. So what do you suggest i should do? Should i tell him everything myself considering the fact that he has already heard everything from M or just let it be?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 April 2018):
 M gave D your number because he has moved on.
However, ANYTHING you do with D will get back to M, and some of what you did with M will get back to D.
So that night you were drunk, had M pick you up and you had sex.. yeah, D will hear about that. If he hasn't already. And IF he has... maybe he is looking to have something casual & sexual with you.
If M doesn't have an issue with this and you think D might be a decent fella... then why NOT go on a few dates and see?
JUST keep sex out of it.
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