A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm feel like I want to give up on men. I split up with my boyfriend in December. He was giving me mixed messages which made me feel confused. He had said at the beginning of November that he was greatly looking forward to us moving in together. I think he was having some problems at home with his parents which he didn't really elaborate on, but one day in November he asked me when a good time to call me was so I wonder if it was to talk about these problems. I told him a good time, but he never called. I chased him up a couple of times but got no answer. I decided to give him some space. He didn't contact me until a month later, when he started bombarding me with messages. He wanted to know what was happening about us. I said that I didn't think he wanted to see me anymore as I hadn't seen him in a month. He then said he didn't think things were working out and asked me what I thought! I said I didn't think they were either and I asked what was going wrong for him in the relationship - and I've never heard from him since. We were together for 2 1/2 years. I don't know why he bombarded me with so many messages, only to tell me he wasn't interested - it makes no sense.Anyway, I have recently started dating again. A couple of months ago, I started dating this guy who although I wasn't initially attracted to was really beginning to grow on me as he was everything I was looking for. He was very flirtatious at times, and was clearly interested in me. I had my last date with him with him at the weekend. We had a great time - or so I thought. He seemed to be really enjoying himself. We chatted for hours. Then, several days later, he sent me an e-mail to say that he loved spending time with me, he wanted to be friends but wasn't interested in me romantically. Again, I asked him what it was that wasn't working for him (as I am interested to know why) but yet again no answer since. I feel really disappointed because he clearly was interested in me, but now I wonder if he was just after sex. He didn't strike me as the type who would be just after sex though.I just don't understand all this 'blowing hot and cold' and mixed messages is all about. Why were these guys totally into me one minute, and then cut me dead the next, never to speak to me again? I'd be very grateful for your thoughts.
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flirt, mixed messages, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 About your ex, he's in his 30s and still living with his parents and having problems with them? He needed you to be his savior but maybe he is not financially secure and didn't want to burden you.
For the new guy, he had a good time with you but does not see you as a romantic partner. It's not necessary for him to state what's wrong because what doesn't work for him might work for another guy. It's not something you have to worry about. Chemistry is something mysterious that cannot be explained.
Keep on dating. There's got to be men who are clear about what they want. If you give up now they would be taken by women who know what they want.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 May 2010):
I'd suggest you look at the type of man you're attracted to. You seem to be dating men who are either very insecure, or just interested in sex. I don't think it's you. I think you need to sit down and really look at the particular type of man you're attracted to and why.
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