| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I dated this guy last year, and I had only known him for 2 months when we started dating. I was completely innocent when we started dating, and he had a lot of sexual experience with girls before me. At first the relationship started steadily, but then he started rushing things. He tried to kiss me after a week of dating when I wasn't ready and it was awful but I ignored it. Then he ask for nude photos of me, and wouldn't stop asking even when I said no. Eventually I accepted, and after that it went even more downhill. He would do sexual things to me in public places, even if I said no he'd continue asking. I never really wanted to do any of it, but I ignored my common sense and continued the relationship. I thought he just needed someone to be for him, but he used me, and I let him. Even when I knew he was only being manipulative, I still stayed and let him use me. I became dependent on him. And even though I've already broken up with him , I wanted to know, why did I let him do these things to me? Why did I let him turn me into someone I never wanted to be? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (23 March 2013):
 Girlfriend, the same thing happened to me my freshman year of college. And in my case it took such a toll on my mental health that I ended up dropping out of my dream school to postpone my studies (and entire life, really) for a year. Granted, my guy was also emotionally abusive and a drug addict, but it's still the same scenario as yours.The answer to your question is that you were young and naive, and he took advantage of that. If you think you need it and you can afford it, talk to a therapist. Take the time to reflect on that experience as well as your growth from that experience.Also, it's pertinent to take at least a few months off from dating so that you'll be fresh, enthusiastic, and stronger when the next fella comes around. You'll know that you're ready when the pain from that last relationship is just a memory rather than an actual feeling. It took me over year!Finally, don't be desperate for a relationship. You'll only repeat the cycle because desperation (and low-self esteem) are how we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to awful men.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 March 2013):
 I think you are one of those people pleasers. Who consider making others happen OVER how it makes themselves feel.
Stop beating yourself up, LEARN from this. A no means NO. And you HAVE every right to SAY no, if that is how you feel.
You thought by him asking you these things that he did it because he liked you and you might have thought by doing it regardless of your feeling, meant that you were a good GF.
Let it go. Be GLAD you are no longer with him. And remember if a BF asks you to do things you don't WANT to do, you HAVE the choice to say no & walk away. If he keeps asking then in the future know that it isn't out of LOVE that he is asking, it's to control you and please himself, so if it happens again END that relationship.
Not all guys are like this. DO NOT accept behavior like that from anyone. It doesn't make you happy.
*chin up girl*
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 March 2013):
 Sweetie, lots of women ask themselves things like this. "Why did I put up with that treatment?" "Why did I stay when he made me feel so bad?" Etc. But you see, you're asking the wrong questions. Don't focus on that. The past is the past and our mistakes are always lessons. Rather than dwell on why you did it, how about ask yourself will I ever do it again? How will I handle it next time? What have I learned from all of this?
Everybody has things they wish they'd done differently. Don't beat yourself up. It's about what we do with these lessons that matters.
Keep your head up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2013): Don't punish yourself. Part of you was curious; but the man you were with exploited your inexperience. You handed over your innocence before you were ready and emotionally prepared. Why so many young girls are warned, but so many fail to listen.Use the knowledge and experience to your advantage. Never accept sex under pressure; or place yourself in situations where you can't refuse and safely remove yourself. That's when date-rape becomes questionable. Was the woman forced or is it remorse after the fact, brought on by guilt?There is nothing wrong with you, you shouldn't blame yourself. You were outmatched by someone too sexually aggressive. You are second-guessing your judgment. Our first time isn't always what we hope. So we take it for what it's worth. A learning experience.You were with the wrong man. That's all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2013): While one is young, one must explore, meet different people, mingle in as many social levels as possible. Move on and find nice partners for the
Future. Never stay with persons who use, abuse. Widen your horizon,
Good luck
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