A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Grrrr I always manage to land myself in it! My younger brother spends all his cash on drink and drugs, he earnt a few bob in december and my mum decided to give me 200 quid in an envelope of his to hide and look after till the january sales are on, so that he spends it on something decent. He had 100 pounds 2 weeks ago for clothes, so that was fine. Last night we went to the pub, he had about 50 quid on him, we didn't need taxis, only next door. Came back to mine, he went on about wanting 20 quid to go back in pub to see new year in. I didn't have any so I gave in to him, got his envelope out the cupboard, gave him 20 and he went back to pub, was only gone 5 minutes and came back saying his mates had gone, I said give me the 20 back then, he laughed and said he lent it to someone. Anyway I told him he's an idiot and I knew that's not what he did with it.Anyway I went to bed about 1, he stayed downstairs with my son playing xbox. This morning I got up realising I had left the envelope with money in, on the side in kitchen. Went downstairs, and its gone!So he's probably spent it. He's alseep in my daughter's room at the moment, my mum is round later for new years day, and guess who's going to get a bollocking!! How am I going to do some damage limitation here????? He always seems to get me in grief with our mum. Why did I go and get involved by looking after the money anyway?!!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 January 2009):
 If you don't want to be in the middle tell your mom. I can understand that she might feel she can't handle it by herself, but what the two of you do (your mom and you) is enabling him.
Get him some help it is not going to go away on it's own, it will only escalate.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell panic over, cuz he had it in his pocket still phew!!! I woke him up an hour before mum came and asked him and he just smiled and said ive got it here, I said hand it over and took it downstairs and hid it again, so mum didn't need to know.
He is 26, going on 16! He has had problems in the past and mum tries to help him, she has 80 quid of his at hers now too, I was tempted to say to her earlier to take the 80 thats here, but then she will want to know why. He will pick it up next week to go buy a tv once he's got the rest of his wages, so that will be the end of it. I'm not doing it again. I'm not totally sure why it came to me to start with, I think its because he wants someone to keep it safe from himself but our mum sometimes uses his money to pay his rent because she doesn't want him to lose his flat and end up on her doorstep. It would wreck her relationship, her guy gets on ok with bro, but wouldn't have him living there. So I think bro wanted it to be here to stop her doing that! lol
Its all a bit of a mess really.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): It is your brother with the problem not you! your were a little careless by leaving the money out. However, it isnt like you were keeping it out of reach from a three year old who may destroy the money if they found it. I guess this brother of yours is grown (enough to go to the pub). He obviously aint responsible enough but at the same time he shouldnt have taken the money. Did he know it was his money that he was looking after?
However, he is old enough to make up his mind about where he wants his life to go, he is reasponsible for his actions and his money, not you nor your mum. It sounds like he doesnt want your help anyway and thinks its all a joke. It is tough love by I suggest that you and your mother take a step back from his life and focus on your own.
If you had spent the money then id understand your anxiety but he did, it was his anyway. Just tell your mother the truth when she comes round and dont argue with her. If she wants to rant and rave let her. Simply tell her your truth and tell her not to give you money to look after in the future.
God Bless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): Your an adult, he's an adult. He should be responsible for himself. It isn't your fault that he took the money, if he can't control himself then thats his own problem. Your mum shouldnt put so much pressure on you to keep his finances in check. I am sure your the peacemaker.
If your mum has a go at you tell her that you have decided to stay out of family business and just see to your own. Your brother will only get worse and worse if someone is there constantly watching his back. That is the problem with a lot of men these days, they can't stand on their own two feet, it makes me really mad. If they were allowed to reach rock bottom and have nobody there to save them then they would be forced to sort out their own lives. If he can't do that then he's not worth bothering about.
I am sure you love him but both you and your mum are doing him no favours by clearing up all his mess. How is he ever going to be of use to anyone else if they have to take over the running of his life. Sorry to be blunt but a dog is less work.
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