A
female
age
,
*ourneyrebirth
writes:I don’t know why I let this happen!!! I was married for 23 years he had an affair that he would not end so I filed for divorce. That all happened since May 2005. Divorce is final as of June 2006. I still love this man but he has chosen to live with the affair lady. We do see each other occasionally because of our children and grandchild which I am raising. We made love this week (he stopped over I was home alone and it just happened) I did say I was unsure that it would break my heart again but he did say he was walking out the door right after. I lost myself in the heat of the moment felt the love we had shared - I don’t regret it. My question is why did I do this to myself, him and even the other woman? I feel I have opened wounds that had closed but this did not set in till 2 days later. Why would he want to be with me if he so loves the other woman or have I just become the other woman? I am confused and hurt an aching for the man that I will always love but he will not love me back in the same way.
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male
reader, colinsdad  +, writes (4 November 2007):
I figured I would post a response to this, as one of my best friends was in a similar situation...as the husband. He had an affair on his first wife, left her for this other woman, and married her. Two years later, and they're getting divorced too....know why? because their relationship was a hollow, physical relationship that really had zero depth to it- now he's alone....and lonely. Let your ex STAY your ex!! There was a reason you were divorced in the first place- let it stay that way for your and your kids sanity!
A
female
reader, Rainbows  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 no, definitely you are not the "other woman". Infact, you are the first woman and you are the one who is hurt and cheated in the first place. Living with him for 23yrs itself proves your loyalty and commitment. He only came back to you because now that he has lost you for good, he finally knows and understands your worth. But its too late as he has lost you for good. Do as you like and when you like. Its your turn now! Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Hi poster
Me again
Another way to look at this is he does not love you or the other woman as he is not capable! thats why i say look out ofr yourself.Yes I know you love this man probably always will but you could not put up with his cheating so you choose to divorce him (wise choice) as you already know as he was soon back at your door.Now if he loved this other woman even if you threw yourself at him naked he would walk away (joking) he did not walk away! he will always be a cheater this you know for sure now as you probably though he loves her soo much he left me for her he treats her better (!!!!) you now know different. Now to the easy part accept what this man that you love is really like, do you still love him? would you take him back for him to cheat on you again with someone else? this is you healing I know it sound awfull but belive me it works, for some woman it just takes longer to smell the coffee, do not beat yourself up over this you did this out of love for this man (sadly) but he is doing it for other reasons (thinks he's gods gift) thats how sad he is and also cruel to do this to you, but hey no worries you will have the last laugh. Do you think you can move on to someone new? hard I know)sometimes better the devil you know! Is it just the sex you miss? buy a vibrator (lol) is it company you miss? go out with friends/family I know this all sounds crazy and way off the mark from what the others are advising you but it works. Instead of thinking he's using you for sex tell him you use him see how he likes it? You will get through this but sadly No he will never love you back in the same way he in incapable now damaged goods that can't be repaired if he will not accept responsabilty for waht he has created.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Dear poster
I am in exact same situation but I choose to deal with it a different way. My partner did not leave me for the woman he now lives with he had affair with barmaid we split he dumped her to try to get back with me it didn't work, so he moved on into this other womans house. We tryed the no contact we have a daughter who is now 17 this has gone on for 5yrs. He blatently cheats on this other woman with me she know yet does nothing about it. I told her many times, she told me not to contact her again so I don't. She now phones and text me when he's here I ignore her as its not my problem.I feel I can cope better being the other woman as I will never trust this man ever agian, we spent 18yrs together and I believe he had cheated before he got caught. Do not feel bad about yourself your only human you spent 23yrs with this man yes it hurt like hell when he left you for her, but at the end of the day she cheated with your man and what makes her think he will treat her better? Be selfish as people that cheat are selfish and cruel look after yourself put yourself and your needs first, build yourself up make him want you again,then when the time comes for this to all come out walk away with your head held high, you have done nothing wrong its just full circle.last but definatly not least what satisfaction you get knowing he's still a lying cheating rat! Just my thoughts
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 November 2007):
 I am sure you feel quite bad about what has happened and what you have allowed yourself to do, however, you do need to realize that you are in a very vulnerable position. Your ex took advantage of you. He sounds like a very immature man and if nothing else, you must see now that you did the right thing to leave this cheater. He will always be a cheater. Since you have to maintain contact with the louse, try not to have any physical contact. Shuttle the kids out the door when he comes and shuttle them back in. Don't let the man into your home. Realize that you need to continue to "love" the father of your children but forget about being "in love" with him. Don't be so hard on yourself but you need to get over him emotionally and then find yourself a real man who is capable of an honest relationship.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (2 November 2007):
 No, you are not the other women. You made a mistake. We all do. The other women would continue to sleep with him and I hope that is not your plan. Get up dust yourself off and pull it together. Obviously this man has a real problem with monogamy he couldn't be faithful to you and the other women really shouldn't expect any different. I do not feel sorry for her after she helped ruin your marriage. She got what she wanted However there is something much better waiting for you. His leaving you was just Gods way of making room in your life for something or someone better to come along.
So do not get caught up in his web of deception just live for today and remember that there is a rainbow after the rain. The longer you dwell on your past with him the further you are from your rainbow. You deserve better and it will come...
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 hello.
He has done it to you again, he now think any time he feels like a sexual release then your there on a plate for him, he is betraying all the woman in his life, i cant believe after all you went through and the divorce, then you are so ready give yourself to him, he even told you he only wanted you for sex, he said he would walk straight out the door after ward, what are you thinking, he does not love you he never ever will, or he would have given the other woman up for you in the first place.
Good grief woman what is wrong with you, he only come to your house to see how lucky he could get, and he did, why do you do this to yourself dont you have any respect what so ever for your self,if you continue carrying on like this you are the only looser in this case will be you and you have brought it on yourself,now why dont you look with your eyes open and take those rose tinted glasses of and start living in the real world, there is only one person here who counts it is you, are you going to let this continue or are you going to pull yourself together and start think this through properly.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (2 November 2007):
 I think you answer your own question here really, you got in this position because the feelings that you have for this man have not faded away, they may have been buried but they obviously reappeared. You were home alone, he was there and in a moment of weakness you succumbed to his charms.
I really dont think beating yourself up about it will help; you are not the only one to do something similar, not the first and most definatly not the last either. You need to give yourself space to be human and make mistakes as part of that. Rather than dwelling on the past I think you need to focus on yourself and building your own life back-up.
It doesnt look like no-contact is an option here due to the children although if you need a focus for your life then they prehaps provide one. Good luck and take care :)
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A
female
reader, peaches83 +, writes (2 November 2007):
 You need to cut all ties from this man in a sexual and emotional way. Yes i understand that you have to be in contact with him due to your children and grandchild but any thing else really dont go there.By the sounds of it he got use to having the comfort and the enjoyment of two women. He has chose to stay with the woman he had the affair with so let him have her. By sleeping with him not only are you been what the other woman was when you were married to him and im sure that at that point to wanted to kill her as much as your husband for hurting you in such a way well now by sleeping with your ex you are in exactly the same situation expect you are the other woman.Also once he has gone back into you ie sleeping with you, he knows that it will open the flood gates and you il replenish all feelings for him again therefore willing and allowing him to keep entering your bed and breaking your heart.Move on from this guy.Good luckPeaches
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