A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I started dated this guy 2 years ago. In the beginning everything was great. Then after couple of months he said we are taking it slow. So I have been patient. Then after 9 month dating I got a letter from him saying that he never broke up with the ex girlfriend before and he needs to travel and have closure with her and he asked if we are going to have a future together. I said yes because I really liked him and he went to see her. But when he came back he did not want to talk to me. Anyhow after couple of month we were going out again. After 9 months later he said "I thought we are friends, It looks like you want more". He broke up with me. So strung me along more than 2 years. He broke up with me because he was already started seeing someone else. So he dumped me.I am so hurt. I have been there for him when he had difficult time, sickness. But he dumped me for another girl after 2 years. Now he says he broke up with me because the chemistry is sometimes there and sometimes not. I am really hurt.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2013):
 Seems to me that he is a serial dater. He dates one girl til he finds someone "better" (or just different) and date both girls a while and dump whomever he feels is easier to let go.
He really isn't SUCH a prize.
However, I will say yes, he strung you along, but you... put on the BIGGEST blinders you could find because you "loved" him. That mean you are a bit guilty in this "drama" yourself as well.
If he ignored you for a couple of months after getting "closure" with the not-quite-an-ex WHY on Earth would you want to date him again?
He is playing you and every woman he meet most likely because he isn't capable of having a long term monogamous relationship, I think he is one of those people who are "addicted" to that "new relationship/honeymoon phase feeling" and therefor he goes through girlfriends 2 at a time.
The whole chemistry comment and the "I thought we were friends" is just his BS talking, to make YOU feel like THERE is something wrong with YOU, not him.
I know it's hard, but thank your lucky star he is now out of your life. KEEP it that way. Don't let him back in, if the new GF doesn't work out. Find yourself a guy who WANTS the same as you do. Who SHARES the same values and morals. And do NOT settle out of "love".
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 January 2013):
 You should have broken it off after the first couple of months when he asked for things to slow down. A couple of months is usually the line where a new relationship will begin to show stress lines if it's gonna fall apart...but you chose to hang on becaue you liked him...you ignored the warning...
Then 9 months later he does a 180 and relagates you to the friends zone and you didn't even know it.
I liked the way he asked you if you had a future before he went to play with the ex (way to go to make sure he had a fall back plan if the ex didn't work out)...
and then suddenly he's found someone else and he can finally cut the cord and walk way without a care in the world.
In truth your relationship with him was over after that first couple of months and you must learn to read the signs and know when to leave the stage.
Sure it's tough as hell, but much better than wasting months and years of your life on people who don't care about you or want to be with you. He made sure he made up every last bit of you but that was because you were there, on hand to do his bidding...you did it because you thought it would make him love and want you, all he really did was just use you.
You are not the first and you won't be the last and it's a horrible thing to go through but next time, I doubt you will make the same mistake.
Good luck and good life xx
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 January 2013):
I agree, he didn't string you along, you strung yourself. You shouldn't trust people who disregard your feelings to look out for your best interests.
It's easy to say this when it's happening to someone else, but you need to remember that people are not all compatible. He obviously wasn't a good choice for you, and while it's easy to take it personally, it's not something that you should let get you down because his treatment of you and the failure of the relationship wasn't because of your shortcomings but by your incompatibility.
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A
female
reader, bunny2k35 +, writes (11 January 2013):
BAbe chin up your better off alone than with a half-wit who can't commit u deserve so much better so get out there and fine him girl kick his behind to the kerb good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2013): The same thing happened to me. He strung me along too for about a year. The whole time he was going back and forth between me and another girl. I, of course, had no idea at the time and thought I was the only one. He ended up with her -- for the time being -- although he is not commitment material, no matter how much he pretends to be or how much she pressures him to be. She went onto his FB page and changed his status to Engaged and he took it off. So, yeah, she is trying but he is resisting and even if she did nab him, he would probably stray on her, too. His behaviour says it all. Otherwise he would not have kept the door open for me the whole time. Guys like that are players and will not change. I learned my lesson the long, hard way. He seemed into me so much that I left my marriage for him. But I was not happy in it anyway. Then when I told him I had feelings, he told me he was just being friendly. He knew what he was doing and so did I. Worst part is he never took responsibility or admitted his behaviour was wrong. Ultimately he ended up breaking my heart and he is still carrying on with this girl, who is by no means anywhere near as beautiful as I am!! Or anywhere near the woman I am. So, you know what, knowing who it is makes me feel better because he ended up with someone who is beneath me. I took it as a learning experience, never to open my heart and trust that easily again. Thank God I was never intimate with him. I think it's because in my gut I knew he was not right for me all along and I was not about to give it up to a player.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 January 2013):
 Unfortunately, you gave this guy "the benefit of the doubt" when he really didn't deserve it. The result? He got to do the stringing.....
Best you can do is chalk this up to a very unpleasant "learning experience".... and keep yourself alert lest some creep try the same thing in the future...
One question that goes to your "chalking it up"... Were you intimate with this guy some short time after meeting him? It's amazing how our (guys') getting a little s*x seems to make us forget how to be gentlemen....
Good luck.....
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