A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently went on a date with a guy who seemed nice and pretty cool. We went for drinks, stayed for a few hours and had a good time. He seemed genuine as a person and at the end of the date he said he wanted to definitely see each other again. I believed him. He had also made comments about things he could help me out with (fun not practical) and was a bit self-effacing, implying that he wasn't as hot as me and that we would do stuff together in future.Anyway, I work shifts and have family in town for the holidays, so mentioned that my schedule was not great. He said we joked that it could be in January both times, which he said was teasing but made me wonder how keen he actually was.Since my schedule is the difficult one, he also insisted that I should let him know when I'm free. I wasn't crazy about this, because he was asking for the next date, I felt he would be the one to set it up. But since on balance I wanted to see him again, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and texted him when I had my shifts confirmed to say I had fun and it would be nice to see him again on a specific day, but it would be easier later.So I was a little bit surprised to get a lukewarm response, then nothing - no yes or no, just 'it could be ok' and then a total disappearance. My friends say I made a mistake by telling him it would be easier to meet at the end of my week of shifts, so it looks like he has that option. I feel like if he wanted to see me at all, he would at least say let's do another time or whatever.Obviously he is not very interested in me, but why would he seem keen to meet up again, then do a 180 rather than just leave it at the end of the date? I feel tricked into asking him out only to be ignored! I'm not looking for reasons to see him and i assume he is seeing other people and I'm just an option to him. I'm just a bit confused as to the rationale of pressing for me to set up a second date just to let it drop in a bit of a rude way. Any thoughts? Was I wrong to be surprised?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Hi there,
Thanks for the advice - I'm the OP and appreciated it as this guy seemed sincere in person but clearly was very inconsistent. Anyway, he did contact me and we met up in January, but there was something not quite right here.
For example, at one point he just didn't respond to a text I sent asking if he was at work (to plan where we would meet once the day was set). When we did eventually go out I discovered that he left his job just after our first date. This actually didn't bother me, but he struggled to talk about his work at all and I felt that he was avoiding me getting to know him and ultimately wasn't going to pursue anything.
So unsurprisingly he disappeared again and I'm chalking it up to experience - I should probably have paid attention when he said he was having a mid-life crisis and moved on earlier, but nevermind!
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (23 December 2012):
Hi there. Because of the lukewarm response to your text message, I would say - NO more texts to him.
Instead, let him contact you.
Forget about what he said - "Let me know when you are free."
Take it with a grain of salt.
If you had a pretty good time together, it's obvious he enjoyed your company also.
So with that being the case, he probably wants to see your again.
He already knows your shifts didn't leave much leeway for dating, and that your family is down for the holidays, so leave it at that and wait until you hear from him again.
As he had already said something about it could be in January, well just see if that happens.
If he is as keen as he makes out he is, well then he will make the effort, no matter how challenging it is for your free time.
If he is sincere, he won't let that stop him.
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