A
female
age
36-40,
*weety in california
writes:alright guys i am confused. so this is going to be long. please give me some opinions though. so i have been sorta kinda been with this guy for 5 months so i met this guy who works at the airport in my hometown, when i had a really long layover. we flirt i bought something from his store, then i walked to my gate which was only 20 feet away and was like this is boring i am going back to flirt with him. and thats what i did. then we added each other on facebook and started texting a few days later, when i got home from my vacation, although we were talking on facebook. first day we started txting we started talking on the phone, and the conversation lasted hours! then everyday that week, he kept txting me frequently and we continued to talk for 2 to 4 hours every night. he was really good about calling and txting for the first few months, and then slowly it was like maybe talk every other day or so. well i hadn't seen him since the first time we met, and he kept making plans to come visit, because i only two hours away from him, but things kept going to crap, he was half way here once and then he stopped picked up a drink went to car and wouldn't start, so he got towed home, so it was pretty horrible crap like that. then i decided to fly home one weekend and txted him that i was coming through the airport, we kissed inbetween the security cameras, the next day we had a real date, instead of phone dates (also by this point nude photos had been exchanged, but i never show him that much, although he showed me everything, and we had phone sex very regularlly) anyways to the date was absolutely wonderful, we sat on a park bench for 3 hours watching the sun going down, talking, and kissing, i mean we went to dinner and stuff too. so yeah goodthen i was coming home for the 4th and we were suposed to hang out that day, then i called him when he was suposed to be leaving to come get me, and found out that his family just started there thing, and i was like "am i getting blown off" and then a few txts were exchanged trying to figure something out, then he txted "are you going to kill me if i don't make it"so i called him and asked " is this a just a logistics issue, or should i stop calling you" and he literally said "uh i dunno" "then i say well i guess thats all i need to know" and then he got upset that i said that and said he really liked hanging out with me, but he didn't want anything because life was stressful. i told him i operated differently because i think having someone makes life better not worse, and he agreed then i told him he my expectations, and he said thats what he wanted too. so he says he is going to try and figure something out and he was going to call me back. later that night i hadn't heard back and i called him again and he got mad, he thought i was trying to make him feel guilty that he wasn't going to meet me, then i told him thats not what i was trying to do, all i wanted was to see him, he clamed down, got off the phone with a "i'll talk to you later" from himso 5 days later i called him thinking it was time to go out behind the barn and end it. also i wanted to semi-apologize cause i felt bad for the timing of all that, i knew he was incredible stressed out, and i could have brought up some of that stuff at a better time. but he picked up the phone sounded completely normal, started to in aroundabout way apologize, for being distant, and it was all his family/ work stress. (he is 28 and lives at home because he has to support his parents, but it isn't easy on him, and he works over 40 hours, and i am 22 by the way)i started to apologize i said i knew he was stressed and i felt bad about being whiney on saturday, and he just glossed over it, like he didn't want me to say anything. and we talked for another 20 minutes and had started to have phone sex like nothing had ever happened. so i call him 5 days later and he is in a movie that got out after 1am, so he txted me, but we didn't talktoday i call him and we talk for like 15 minutes, all normal stuff, and then someone else calls him and i am on hold for 15 minutes then i hang up and call back 15 minutes later. he says he just got home and he need to ice up his leg and he needed to let me go, and then i hestiated and he said "do you want me to call you back", and i said "yes" he says "ok, but i am going to ice up my leg and i'll prolly be on the phone with my friend from out of town/work, so no garuntees" i say ok, and he says "i'll talk to you later"and this is my question:why the hell did he put in soo much freaking effort for the first three months, and then start to act like this?how come i feel like i am being rejected when i totally started to break it off with him twice, and he was the one that was like "oh no wait"i told him al my expectations, and he said thats what he wanted, but thats not what happeneing.everything is normal when we are on the phone, and i have just been giving him the benifit of the doubt for the past 3 weeks, that is was all the huge stressor he has right now, but i am being to wonder, cause he doesn't call/txt me like he used to.but what the hell if he doesn't like me/want me around why smooth thing over to keep me around? i was ready to end things twice, and he wasn't. why have long conversations that are good, then end up not talking again all week? what the fuck is going on???is it really just stress?? or he too much of a wuss to rip-off the band-aid?(cause its not like he is getting any benefits sense i told him i won't have sex with him unless we are together, and he likes this quality)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Hi Hun
First Id say to you give him space leave him for awhile just let him do his work and dont contact him at all...If he is stressed with family issues and all the hrs he is working then he may feel slightly pressured..
If he wants you he will come to you if you are always there he knows this and wont have the chance to miss you..Different people act differently with stress he may have agreed with you about everything as he did not want to cause a disagreement.
Now putting all the effort in at the beginning may have been a way out of his stressfull life and it gave him something else to concentrate on and be happy about and that being you sweetheart. After awhile all the stress could have built up and this could have added to it (not your fault)
By the sounds of things he doesnt no which way to turn as he is so busy and maybe promising you something at this moment in time is to much for him to deal with once again not your fault. If I were you love Id stop contact untill he contacts you and if he doesnt then you really do no were you stand, As at this moment you havent got a clue.
I no its hard to leave it love but sometimes its the best way. You are both on f/b so the chances are if he realises you are no longer so available he will be more so..Try giving it a try and hopefully it will work out for the better for you both..I hope this helps a little TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (16 July 2009):
He doesn't call or text anymore because you're the one doing it all the time. I know you want answers, but pressing him for answers and calling him like you do is pushing him away. The fact that he put you on hold for 15 min. is rude and he's being very disrespectful. Sure he may be stressed, but that's no reason for him to not want to talk to you. If anything he should be wanting to talk to you about.
Guys will always "work hard" at first, but once you start doing the work, you're starting to chase him--meaning he gets lazy, lets you do all the work, and treats you like crap because he knows he can--because when he DOES treat you like crap you are still there and YOU even apologize for it! So either you can dump him or you can let him call you and text you. If you don't hear from him for a week or longer, then so-be-it. Guaranteed though, if you're not calling him or texting him during that week, he'll be contacting you. Really, it's best to stop clinging to him, it's driving him away.
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