A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:About 4 months ago I received an anon letter telling me my husband was having an affair. Devastated I confronted him and he admitted it to me and our 2 children before walking out on us.Since then he has come round to see the children and insisted on having me along for their days out. He's taken me out for a drink and even tried Relate counseling. Then last week he asked to come home, things had been so amazing with him since he left, I said yes and he spent last week slowly moving his clothes and things back in. The children were thrilled and we made plans for christmas and he seemed so relaxed which he has not been since being diagnosed with intense depression a few months ago.Then on Friday when he was due to move in he said he didn't love me like that any more and if he moved in it would only be for the children. Devastated I showed him the door and asked him to leave. I keep thinking about all the lovely things he said to me and all the times he has said I love you out of the blue in the last few months. I don't understand any of it, the children are so upset again and he is so cold and distant. I lied to him today and told him I didn't love him as much either and that it was for the best when inside I'm hurting so much. I just didn't want him to feel guilty on top of everything else, he's already struggling with not seeing the children as often I wanted to ease it for him. Why did he leave then want to spend all his time with me and then leave again, please help me understand.
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affair, christmas, I love you, moved in Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): Depressed or not he has no right to pick you up and drop you when he feels like it. Its sounds like he does not want to be in the relationship but that he is confused with where his life is going. He needs to sort himself out and stop messing with you and the kids head.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Leave him to his own devices. He cheated on you so let him reap what he sewed.
I don't think he has a right to keep doing this to you, it's unfair on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies so far. I think the affair is over when we spoke about it he just said she wasn't you but i guess over the last couple of years my Dad died and i just got caught up in keeping busy looking after my Mum and children and forgot about the man who i love.
I thought maybe he did try initially just for the kids but he would want to spend time with me and ask if it could just be us something we had not done in many years. I have continued throughout this to let him see them as often as he can but sometimes he was the one who said no. Maybe you are right the depression has effected him more then i realise, he is not the same man anymore, i hardly recognise him even his parents say this. This makes it even harder as i can't be there to help him through. xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): He's worried that you won't let him see the kids, so he's doing what he can to lulling you into whatever state of mind so he can be free with his kids.
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