A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy in May, we dated for a little and then became exclusive. Everything was great! We had so much in common and he was continuously telling me he hasn't felt this way in a long time and that he couldn't get enough of me. He would text me every morning and every evening. We met each other's family's and each family thought the other was great. We even played a sport together and the team could see the chemistry when we were together. He told me about 2 weeks ago that his ex g/f contacted him and he wanted to be upfront. He told her he wanted to put his energy into this relationship and that she needed to move on. She told him she wasn't going to give up. They had broken up once or twice already. His kids did not like her and he said she was negative and always brought him down. She said she would change. One night he text me at 10 pm and said he missed me big and that he would see me in the morning. I text him the next morning to see what time he was coming by. He didn't respond. I tried calling his home and cell and there was no number. Finally at 11 am he text me and said "read your email..I'm sorry) He broke up over an email!! He told me that his ex. had been contacting him more frequently during the day for the past week and her girlfriends were now contacting him to tell him how they belong together and how great they were together. He said. I am going to give her and I another change. Just know I need to do this. He said he didn't want to hear my voice on the phone. My friends and family were as surprised as I was. I really don't think he wanted to go back to his ex..but why do they? We really did have something that could have been wonderful. I want the satisfaction of knowing that he is not happy with her and that he thinks about me..I will never know that but it would make me feel better...
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (17 July 2008):
 You asked: I really don't think he wanted to go back to his ex..but why do they?
All people (men and women) repeat behavior patterns, even if it is not in their best interests. This is why habits are hard to break, and people go back to relationships that are bad for them.
This is on him, not you. Chances are he WAS happier with you, but repeating behavior patterns are not about what makes a person happier in the sense we understand; they are about returning to the familiar for sub-conscious reasons.
I know this is not much comfort to you, but I assure you that it is likely he will repeat his behavior pattern again with his ex, and leave her again at some point and find someone new. He sounds emotionally dysfunctional (unable to break UNHEALTHY behavior patterns) and I think that if you continued with him, you would have been just as emotionally screwed up as he.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.frankadviceforwomen.com
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