A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i have quite a big problem..and I know part of it is me.Anyway, 8 years ago I was completely besotted with a guy and I lost my virginity to him although he never wanted a relationship with me. After this we stayed friends while I was in the same country as him and then when I left I really missed him, as I thought I loved him - so I rang him and wrote far too many emails explaining this. Unfortuntely this went on for about a year and I also went over to see him a couple of times, but he wasn't interested in sleeping with me or anything.Anyway, eventually I got over it...five years went by and we had very little contact (just maybe an email or text at christmas), then he tells me he is coming to my country and could he stay for a couple of nights? I had recently split with my boyfriend of 4 years and was apprehensive initially, but then thought why not?So he came over, and it was weird to see him but then OK. I was going to put him in the spare room, and had the sheets washed and everything, but then I just thought well why not? I told him that I couldn't be bothered to make the sofa bed up, to which he replied "So does that mean I have to sleep on the floor?" I didn't reply and went to brush my teeth. He came to sleep in my bed. However, after 15 mins I tried to caress him and he said "no, I have been burned before", so he wouldn't sleep with me and I ended up on the sofa.The next day I was so pissed off and the weekend went really badly because he didn't even turn up to this party I had organized for his birthday. He said he was scared of me, and also because of what had happened in the past (but 5 years ago!). I was so angry on Saturday, so I texted him loads which made things worse.We met on Monday for lunch before he went home, and I said to him that I find him completely frustrating as everything is his way or not at all. I really just want to sleep with the guy, there is this fatal attraction and for me some unfinished businness. I just wanted to express myself with him and he won't let me. I said to him "I bet you if I had put you in the spare room that night, then you would have come to the party and slept with me" to which he replied "Probably, yeah".What a bloody joke. I really shouldn't email him anymore and I have a few times. I don't know what's wrong with me, he seems to have a hold over me, but I let him. Why did he come to see me in the first place and why did he sleep in my bed if he didn't want anything?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 June 2008):
He probably came to see you because you are friends and you go and see people you know when you are near by.
You have been very pushy with all your texts and emails. It's no wonder he's a bit worried about sleeping with you. If you had been chilled out then perhaps he would have been tempted, but because you were so high pressure he didn't because he didn't want you to expect marriage out of it.
We've all done stupid things because of blokes and the best thing to do is move on and learn from it. Some people just wind eachother up the wrong way. It just wasn't to be.
Good Luck!! xx
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