A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:where do i begin. i had been dating my boyfriend for 5 years when we decided to move across the country together. the situation got really tense and we broke up and he moved back home. shortly after he left we began talking on the phone again and decided to get back together. i was in school though, so i couldnt move back home for a couple weeks. things were rocky but good, i thought. so ive been home now for about a month and he tells me that while i was still away he had kissed another girl. im so hurt and confused. he was so willing to get back together! why did he cheat on me so soon after!?! we are still together right now and she is friends with his friends. i told him not to speak to her ever again, but he reasons that it was his mistake not hers and she didnt do anything wrong. does he still have feelings for her? should i just end our relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): That would really hurt me too. The fact that you two had merely broken up and he so soon hooked up with another girl. One would think he would still be grieving his break up, not hooking up.
The only thing I can think of is perhaps he was depressed and his friends influenced him to hook up with another girl just to get over you. Some men are very susceptible to peer pressure.
But also it could be that you guys had been fighting alot and sometimes when couples argue alot, men get confused and aren't sure how they feel anymore and do stupid things. Cause clearly, a guy who loves you will not cheat on you. But perhaps with all the arguing he just felt confused and thought it was over between you two. Maybe if he had left on a GOOD note, he wouldn't have done that. Who knows?
I guess its up to you if you want to forgive him. But if you decide to stay with him, you MUST forgive and pretty much forget. Don't keep bringing it up, you have to trust him again and put this behind you and love and trust him and quit all the arguing and just be happy. But if you can't put this behind you, then I don't see the point in staying with him.
I personally cannot forgive a cheater. But I have never been in your situation, and given the circumstances you have mentioned, it sounds like there might be other levels to it that pehaps are forgivable.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): You two had split up and he met her, these things happen unfortunately. He may of thought you were gone for good and she came along. Some people cannot be on their own for any length of time, particularly blokes. Cut him some slack, he has told you all about it, and it did happen when you two were split up. He hasnt done anything behind your back. He hasnt cheated in any way. He has been open and honest and truthful. He didnt need to tell you about her at all, and i doubt if she would of mentioned anything, unless she wanted to be malicious. She cannot be to blame either, so stop hurting because of her. Put her out of your mind and remember, he is with you, not her. Make the most of every day. Love him and make him feel loved and wanted, dont keep going on about this or you will either push him away or straight back into her arms.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 What is important is, he is by your side and straight with you . Whether he has any feelings for her or not , only he himself knows the truth.If you worry about this issue, you will never find peace in your relationship.Be more positive for you would not like others to control what you think or feel. Nobody should do that .
You need to be more mature and understanding and over look such a fault in a man. No man is perfect.
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