A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex has offered to lend me the money to either get a new car or repair the one I have, with the agreement that I pay it back to him without his current girlfriend knowing as she doesn't know about this money he has in savings. I'm confused as to why I would need to keep this from her, as he is the father of our child and he has helped me out before with her knowledge.She had no problem with it before, I admit it wasn't for as much but she was ok with it and never said anything against it. I paid him back in full and we have a solid friendship so I would keep to any agreement we had. I'm not going to borrow any money from him for my car, but I have asked him to run me into work when he can, until I have enough saved up for the repairs, which should be end of the month. I'm just confused as to why I would need to lie for him? I don't have any issues with his girlfriend and we have always got on as a group.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 April 2015):
 I'm with Auntie Bim Bim here.
He has ABSOLUTELY no obligations to be "financially transparent" to the GF, NOR to you.
My GUESS is that she might have been OK with you borrowing money in the pat, but maybe she DOES think you NEED to STOP borrowing money from your ex. She may feel you are a LITTLE to dependent on the ex when you are in money trouble.
Respect his wishes, no matter WHAT reason HE has or the GF has.
He has ASKED you to not tell, so DO NOT tell. My guess is he likes status quo. Where you and the current GF are "friendly" and get along. So often when money enters the picture DRAMA follows.
I think if ANYTHING he is the one who should tell her, I can't see WHY that would be your business to let her know.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2015): Actually, I think that all of you getting on this well and being friends is certainly "healthy" and shows very good "boundaries".CERTAINLY much better for your child as well,coz most people are so self-centred that they will do everything in their power to hurt their ex, even if that's at the cost of the child's well-being.SO he is showing his child how mummy should be treated and he treats you well. That's how things SHOULD be.Grown ups should be able to get along without petty squabbles over "territory"-what is he? Her property?So that she has to "mark boundaries"? Ridiculous.People are not property!OP, respect his wishes -he has treated you well and you have NO cause to doubt him or his motives.The ex might put on a brave face when YOU are around, but who knows? She might think exactly like others and be "threatened" by you.Therefore any further help to YOU (out of the ordinary support to your child) MIGHT seem like an affront to HER.What does it matter any way? You are not still in love with your ex,right? You don't stand anything to gain/lose from this transaction apart from his help.So accept his help graciously (if you need it) and thank him for it. Many men might not have cared.IF YOU feel there's some moral issue (something more you have perhaps not disclosed) then proceed as you have planned and don't accept the cash, but accept the favours.Either way, just thank him sincerely and don't over think it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2015): Maybe he's saving for an engagement ring and tr y ing to hide it from her?? Another Possibility
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2015):
 Is he asking you to LIE or to not mention it?
they are dating so technically his finances are his to do with as he wishes.
I have to be honest if it's a large sum and I was serious with a guy who was properly supporting his child with payments and the ex came to him and he lent her a large sum of money that was being earmarked for our use I would NOT be happy.
Your ex sounds like a good guy.
How or why would you have any need to mention this to his gf?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2015): You say she didn't have a problem with it before.If, by this, you mean that you've borrowed money before then my guess is that your ex may be aware that, behind the scenes, she felt a little threatened by the implications of this - ie. that he may still have feelings for you. He doesn't want her to know about you borrowing money again because, as time passes, she will want to feel that he is moving on with her as a couple and not looking back.She will want some boundaries in a situation where you are all 'friends' because most women would simply want to feel that there are normal healthy boundaries in place. If there is a lack of boundaries generally (and in a way it sounds as if there kind of are, just by you all getting on) then her need for healthy boundaries may feel slightly stronger in her own mind.On the other hand, if this is not what you meant and you haven't borrowed money before then it could just be that your ex is protecting his assets until he knows and trusts this woman more.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (3 April 2015):
 My guess is he is still not 100% sure of his "girlfriend's" intentions. If she finds out he has a LOT of money stashed away that she doesn't know about, she may want a piece of it for herself.
They are not married, so he has no legal obligation to divulge his financial status to her.
I think he is protecting himself from a potential money-grabbing situation.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 April 2015):
 Your ex boyfriend has a right to keep his banking details and any savings he may have confidential. Just because he has a girlfriend does not mean she has to have knowledge of all that he owns, including savings.
His being prepared to lend you money for car repairs show that he is a conscientious parent who is prepared to assist the mother of his child when and where ever he can.
I don't see that you respecting his wish that you don't tell his girlfriend he has savings is a lie, he didn't ask you to tell a lie, he asked you to keep personal information about him confidential.
I hope that you do the right thing and respect his wishes with regard to his financial information as he has asked.
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