A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend has some big issues trusting me. Every time she is not in town and we can't meet we always fight about how i do something bad. Last time she left for 3 days. Now we are broken up because of this 3 days. I was out with 2 of my best friends (one male,one female) and the girlfriend of one of them(of the male one). She told me that my female friend was into me and all these sound very weird to her. So she decided to believe i am cheating her with my best friend(which i know 3 years longer than my girlfriend). I am with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. And yes at the past she had a boyfriend who cheated her and treated her bad. I dont want to press her but i think its about time she got over it. I don't know what to do. She is so suspicious that even when i got her a flower after she came back she told me that when a man gives a flower at her woman without something to celebrate something is wrong. I replied that i just wanted to show you that i missed you and nothing is wrong. Then she added that i didnt buy her a flower not even at our anniversary. Yeah but i got her a cake and went outside her house at night and we blowed the candle. My question is: How am i supposed to win her back when she cant even trust me?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Stop trying to win her back. Let her do the grovelling for a change. It sounds like she has plenty to make up for.This whole 'trust issues' thing is a load of rubbish. Those who claim to have them in fact have a great deal of trust. They trust their partners will go that extra mile trying to meet their unreasonable demands, and they trust them to stick around no matter how badly they behave or how outlandish their accusations. And when they finally get dumped, it's never THEIR fault, of course. That worn out partner can always be heaped on to the pile of previous offenders.Stop buying into it. Everyone risks hurt and betrayal and that risk is no greater and the pain is no worse for her than it is for the rest of us.You're right. It's high time she got over it, but she can't do that with you pandering to her insecurities. Time to turn the tables. No more flowers after a fight. No more reaching out to her. No more apologies. No more explaining or trying to prove yourself. If you do decide to take her back, warn her that the next time she even hints an accusation she's history.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Trust is the basis of any good relationship.
If she cant trust you there is not much you can do; because whatever you do will be held in suspicion and never good enough.
If you truly still want her back, communicate with her.
You can tell her again you love her, you did not cheat, and she should not be suspicious of you and should learn to trust you. This way you both can be happy.
However if she chooses to continue these negative thinking patterns its best you guys part, because your incompatible. You shouldnt feel bad because you did your best.
Goodluck!
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