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anonymous
writes: hi ,I was just wondering why do some guys stay clear of beautiful women. My friend is beautiful, funny, laid back and so nice but she can never get a boyfriend. When we go out the men look at her but they always chat up my other friend. It gets her quite upset and her self esteem takes a battering. She can't come across intimidating because she is always having a laugh and a joke, dancing crazy. When she actually fancies someone and they find out about it, they seem to distance from her. I don't understand.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Chris, writes (10 February 2005): There are three reasons that leap to mind:Her beauty intimidates.Her personality intimidates.Good guys are essentially crap.All together that means if she is a beautiful, personable woman a lot of guys will have something that clicks in their heads that says they are not worthy. It is a self confidence thing that will assume that this person is 'out-of-their-league' and a bigger, better boy will come along and she will leave for him. Daft, but that is the world of the subconsious. Women get this too about guys.. it is a human- rather gender-specific thang...Another posibility is that the 'other friend' may be less attractive in your eyes, but maybe the effort and vanity that sees this girl as less attractive by your beautiful friend maybe a 'desperately insecure' mark that shows through all the laughing, joking and crazy dancing! (y'know... how come she pulled and I didn't... I am far prettier than her.)This is also subconsiously thing that is noticed by men and women.Generally, I would suggest that the problem is a mixture of many things, chief amongst them the two I have just mentioned.You talk about your beautiful friend and your 'other friend'. There is no mention of you in the middle. Is it maybe you we are talking about?My advice would be to chill out, relax, forget about attracting guys. Have a genuinely good time with your friends. (They last longer than a lot of boyfriends). If you are real to yourself and your friends, you will be real and attractive to the rest of the world. If your Pal pulls... then good luck to her! If you do, then good luck to you!If it happens that it is just because the guys are intimidated by the out-of-their-league stamp... don't worry either... you will change your social locations as you get older and maybe later you will be greatful you weren't bothered by all these wee boys...Don't worry too much. You will get your man! Probably when you least expect it!
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